We are sooooo going to hell... - ClaudiAntics

November 08, 2003

We are sooooo going to hell...

Or we're going to be reincarnated as snails. Something like that. Claudia's already talked about our Amma Ashram experience at pretty good length, but this has been one of our most interesting and disturbing experiences so far, so I'll chime in with a bit too.

I want a hug, dammit!

Ever hear of Amma, The Hugging Mother? She's one of the hottest gurus to come out of India in a long, long time — if not the hottest. Why? Because of how she's "embracing the world" (a PR slogan we saw all over the place).

Gurus are often known for giving darshan, or transmissions of divine energy, during satsang, essentially the meeting with devotees where guru's circuit gets opened. Often, you can just sit in a room and receive this transmission; Amma's reknown comes from doing things a bit differently: she gives you a hug.

As you can imagine, Americans and people from other Western countries eat this up.

Here are a couple of my observations... and why Claudia and I are going to hell.

Everything is pink. It's horrible. Green jungle... and big honkin' faded pink towers. From a few kms away, we could see the gaudy towers of flats where residents and guests are housed. They looked like some bygone tacky resort from Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, had been picked up and transported a few thousand miles. All around the compound, pink walls. Pink, pink, pink, pink...

Everyone's eyes are glazed. How glazed, seems to depend on how long you'd been there. I can't recall really seeing anyone who looked happy or pondering or sad or angry or content... just absent.

When Amma is off on tour (and other than about 3-4 months out of the year, she tours around India and the world), in her place at the revered spot in the temples is a gigantic portrait. From a distance, you'd be excused for thinking there was disembodied head in the chair.

Ashrams and gurus seem to draw much of their reknown by their power of rhetoric. In the ashram-run Park Guest House in Pondicherry, we would see tons of little quotes from the guru. But these sayings don't stick to the mind or the soul (at least not to mine). They seem dishwatery, unoriginal; they seem designed to make you go, "Awww, that's nice. So profound." I give them credit for sound bites, not for spirituality; they recycle religious statements and ideas — or the latest psychological treatment — into terms that can easily be mistaken for profound and original.

As we also found out, there are several things discouraged at the ashram. 2 examples (and the ones we found the most disturbing):

Silence is encouraged. People talked, especially at mealtimes or even sometimes while doing their seva, or volunteer work, but otherwise there was a lot of silence. I'm a fan of silence; I think people should shut up more often. But a community such as this hinges on people always believing that this is where they should be. Encouraging silence is also a highly effective way of deterring communication that might lead people to question their place at the ashram.

Residents and guests are "discouraged" from leaving the ashram grounds. The world outside — the village where Amma grew up, no less — is considered dangerous territory. To my mind, and sure I could be wrong, but what better way to keep people in the ashram, than to convince them that everything outside is bad and dangerous, and that the only sanctum they could find is in this little cloister? The only thing you have to fear, is life itself.

Claudia and I discussed at great length how it seems many people come to ashrams simply so they don't have to make decisions about their own lives. We didn't get comfy enough with anyone at the ashram itself to spring this question on them — I wish we had, but that's what other trips are for.

That said, are there people who are truly devoted to Amma and what she believes in, and want to live a life of service and altruism for divine love, their fellow humans, the alleviation of suffering, etc.? I'm sure there are — mad props to them. Are people following Amma because they want to find truth and peace, and seek out their own spiritual fulfillment and enlightenment? No doubt, and good on 'em. But are a lot of people there because they just don't want to face up to the outside world? Your guess is as good as gold, er, mine.

No, kitty, that's my samosa!

So why are Claudia and I going to hell? Well, I have to admit... we're irreverent, cynical wee tossers. (I'm sure that comes as a massive surprise.)

After breakfast, we sat at our table, drinking coffee and sharing our observations so far. All around us, people did their seva, or prayed, or attended a lecture given in Hindi (we thought it was a sermon of some sort, but it turns out they were being given lessons on raising hens and would receive a chicken afterwards. We didn't find out if the chickens had been hugged). Now amidst all this, did Claudia and I feel the energy moving throughout the ashram? No.

Did we go help the Massachusetts immate make french fries (which she was doing as prep for lunch at the "western" cafe)? No.

Did we sell our passports and donate the proceeds, along with all our other money save what we needed for a room and the all-white saris and pajamas of renunciation? Hell no!

But did we sit at our table and make up an episode of South Park, based on Amma? You bet your third eye we did. (We're thinking of trying to sell it to Parker and Stone... who knows. It might actually be funny. All I have to say is, imagine Cartman dressed in a white sari and tell me you don't laugh.)

We're evil... pure evil... but you know what? I'll take laughter to silent piety any day. But that's just me. I "found myself" a long time ago. I never was one for believing that you have to cloister yourself off, much less even travel, to do that; no matter where you are, well, that's where you'll find yourself.

I wonder what would happen, though, if people tried a little less navel contemplation, and instead busted their guts with a big belly laugh now and again. I don't know. If I become a guru, perhaps I'll give my darshan with a knee slap, a clap on the back, and a dirty joke — The Laughing Daddy. Watch his special guest appearance on the next South Park, as the voice of Amma's pet elephant (yes, she really has one — he was on tour too; I don't think he gives trunk hugs though)...

All the best to Amma and the inmates. We're heading to Goa... where I'm sure we'll see more people with glazed eyes, but from a different sort of "spiritual state"...

Posted by Ant on November 8, 2003 06:06 AM
Category: India

Comments

Namaste editorjee turned into maha,maha gurujee. This methinks is ur best blog. As for reincarnation, how about a flying cockroach? much more fun than being a lowly snail.8-)

Posted by: Dusty on November 9, 2003 04:58 AM

Hee-hee - but no way on the cockroach! Slug maybe, I could handle being a slug; I'd wind up living in Oregon after all. And speaking of cucharachas, another one - though smaller and no flying - visited our bathroom in Cochin. Claudia put on her big-girl pants and swatted it this time though.

Posted by: Ant on November 10, 2003 06:45 AM

I SO kicked that cockroaches ass! I even brought him out to the manager at the guest house so he could admire it. In fact, Ant was squealing like a school girl when it's antenna had a post death twitch.

"It's not DEAD!! KILL IT!!" if I seem to recall...

Posted by: Claudia on November 10, 2003 06:53 AM

I'd SO watch that South Park episode. Maybe it can be a medley, with Amma, Jesus, Gay Bishop n' all...

Posted by: holythunder on November 13, 2003 11:38 AM