Anyone who knows me, knows I was traumatized as a kid by the movie ET. It has never ceased to haunt me, and I never thought it would happen again in India.

Ok, so the group decided to stop at an Italian chain cafe called Barista. I think I mentioned the Delhi Barista in one of my first blogs. When we were there, we saw this huge ugly/beautiful kitsche cinema across the way. It's called the Rajmandir Cinema. We all decided to see a movie because we wanted to experience the whole Bollywood thing, and this was the place to do it. We went in to our "Diamond Seats" and got comfortable. After the usual amount of previews, the movie started. I had no idea what the story was and I expected flying saris and ear splitting singing.

I was wrong.

Instead we sat through half of the most bizarre and trippy movie EVER. Let me attempt to sum it up.

A young boy was born with a strange condition and he grew up faster physically than mentally, sort of like the Robin Williams movie Jack. Big body, little boy brain. He also seemed to have this condition where he had two thumbs on one hand (the actor really has this condition and it's considered good luck). Two Thumbs meets a beautiful Indian woman and begins a strange love triangle with her and her West Side Story-esk hulking boyfriend. The Hulk gets jealous that Beauty is spending too much time with Two Thumbs and proceeds to beat him up with a basketball (Two Thumbs was trying to learn to play to impress Beauty). However Beauty doesn't care and invites TT back to meet her parents and he sees she has a computer. TT then wants to show Beauty his father's antiquated computer that he used to use to communicate with space aliens. Of course TT didn't know that's what it was for and the two of them inadvertantly call the alien ship to Earth. This is done by playing the same 4 note tune OVER and OVER and OVER.

Ok, here's the ET part. A few days after the alien ship startles all of India (which is pristine Alpine countryside straight out of The Sound of Music and you expect Julie Andrews to show up singing Do Re Mi) Two Thumbs wants to go play with his friends. His mother gets upset and TT throws a tantrum. When he whistles the 4 note alien beacon, a little alien whistles back. Thinking one of his friends are messing with him, he smashes a clay pot on the ground. THe next day he comes outside to find the pot perfectly fixed and TT and Beauty head off into the forrest to find the mysterious alien who fixed it. While looking for him, they save the little alien from being eaten by huge dogs and there is a brief Vulcan Mind Meld during which the alien's forehead light pod glows in communion.

All during this, there are song and dance numbers at regular intervals. One song takes place in the rain, another on a hillside, all with computer generated birds. Two Thumbs cuts a rug pretty well.

We didn't stay for the rest of the movie, but we were told that ET and TT become friends and TT saves ET from the evil American scientists and military. After that, ET helps TT win a basketball tournament (by cheating, nice moral there) and Beauty helps him learn to dance and eventually win a dance contest, much to the chagrin of the big hulking boyfriend. TT and Beauty fall in love and TT helps ET get back to his ship in the same way Elliot got ET back to his ship, a flight across the moon. Instead of a bicycle though, the blue ET is in the basket of one of those little mini scooter things that are very popular with kids.

With movies like this, who needs drugs?

P.S. I also visited the Amber Fort and a really interesting observatory built in the 17th century by one of the many Singhs.

Amy, if you are reading this, you know the cripple fight in one of the South Park episodes? When they yell "CRIPPLE FIGHT!!!" with Timmy and Butters? Well I saw an Indian cripple fight today at the Amber Fort over begging space rights and I thought of you. :)