living vicariously through myself
Saturday, August 22nd, 2009I have to include this conversation Danielle and I had in five minute intervals as our phones randomly hung up on the other person. Somewhere in there she said she was living vicariously through me on our plans, and it’s all so surreal-scary-exciting-will-it-even-happen that my response is “I’m living vicariously through myself too.”
I suppose I find myself doing that frequently when given a challenge. Jafe will tell you I’m scared of everything, which is pretty much true: snakes, heights, buses, large social groups, using the phone, going places by myself, things I can’t see in the water, water I can’t see through in general, depths. I could go on and on. BUT! I make myself do these things anyway, because I don’t want to miss out on stuff. I may not be very happy with that decision while I’m actually doing it, but after all is said and done I’m grateful I forced myself or Jafe forced me to face a fear. The only way I’m capable of doing that is in a sort of out of body way where I have to put on my fearless ass-kickin’ woman character and let her go. Maybe that sounds stupid, I don’t care, it gets me to do things I normally wouldn’t… like take a six month adventure with Jafe.
Most recently that happened while in Zion National Park on vacation with four awesome women (Danielle being one of them). All the canyons had me terrified of even driving through the park. On the last day we went ziplining, and in ziplining I was able to scream out some pent up energy (from the fears) and realize it’s only the first step that’s scary. The rest is an excellent ride.
Thanks to Katherine for this little video to remind me of the most beautiful state in the US: Utah.
poppenweems