The Adventures of Bruce and Ian

We got a bit turned around during our tour of Malacca’s old quarter and weren’t entirely sure how to get to our next stop, the antique and curio district of Jonker Street. Given how small and centralized Malacca is, I’m not entirely sure how we accomplished this. I blame the disorientation on Red Bull and constantly looking through camera lenses while walking around. In any case, we decided to avail ourselves of one of the lavishly decorated trishaws which are ubiquitous in the Town Square.

Covered with wreaths of flowers and often blaring pop music from oversized radios, the trishaws themselves are as much of an attempt to attract the attention of tourists as the drivers themselves, calling out destinations and prices to all who pass by.

We found a cluster of trishaws and were instantly hailed by one of the drivers. Ian explained that we wanted to get to Jonker Street and began negotiating a price. The driver didn’t want to budge any lower than 20rm until we began to walk away towards one of the other drivers (a canny move which we’d use later in our trip), at which point 15rm suddenly became acceptable.

We were still pretty sure we were being taken for a ride in more ways than one, but we agreed and squished ourselves into a cramped bench which the driver insisted was intended to carry two passengers (maybe if one of them had been one of the little monkeys from the Batu Caves) and set off.

Our trishaw ride.

We got our bearings within a block and realised that we could’ve easily walked to Jonker Street in as much time as it took to find the ride and negotiate its price. Still, the ride was a chance to try something new, and while we’d seen plenty of bicycles and scooters hot-dogging through traffic in Kuala Lumpur, actually weaving through oncoming traffic was something we’d yet to experience. Eeep. Also, Ian was pleased to be able to listen to Flo-rida’s “Get Low” on the trishaw’s radio, and we were impressed at the driver’s ability to pedal two 180 pound guys up an incline.

Upon arriving at Jonker street, the driver began insisting we pay him 20rm, the reason being Ian’s weight. No, seriously. He puffed his cheeks out and pointing at him, indicating that the apparent extra weight Ian had added to the load. I caved and gave him the extra five under heavy protest from Ian. I’m not sure whether Ian was more offended by the driver’s remarks or the fact that all of his savvy bargaining had been for nothing.

In any case, we set off down the festively decorated Jonker Street.

Gates and lanterns were set up at every turn to welcome the tourists who flock to the shops which offer all manner of souvenirs.

Exploring Jonker Street.

Ian picked up some porcelain elephants for a friend, and we both bought T-shirts designed by Malaccan artist Charles Cham.

I chose one with an orangutan for my ape-loving girlfriend, while Ian opted for one which proudly displayed his newly discovered love for Malacca’s signature cuisine:

We had to leave Jonker Street before sunset (like most Malaysian markets, Jonker Street really picks up only after nightfall) in order to taxi back to KL, and grab a quick sleep before flying out early in the morning to our next destination: the island of Penang.

We went to a food court just near our hotel after exploring the town square – and after all that walking we were famished.

Before I get into each dish we ordered, let me say something about Malaccan food in general.  I don’t think my brain’s ever released as much pleasure chemicals or endorphins as it did when I was gettin’ my eat on in Malacca.  Every dish I ate gave my tastebuds a new gastronomic experience, awakening new regions of taste in my tongue, and sending me down a path of hedonistic pleasure.

Yes, I realize that may seem a tad hyberbole-esque, especially over something like chicken skewers…BUT STICK WITH ME HERE.  Without further ado, here are the dishes I had the honor of putting inside my stomach:

Mee Siam

You can get Mee Siam anywhere in Malaysia really. I had it once in Kuala Lumpur – it wasn’t too memorable. But this – THIS Mee Siam? THIS Mee Siam right here? INSANE! Mee Siam is stir-fried noodle dish. It’s made with Vermicelli noodles and cooked in a sour, yet sweet, yet tangy, yet spicy sauce.

Read more about mee siam and see me try it out here!

I squeezed a lime all over the dish (something that you do A LOT over here), and when I took that first bite – my heart was singing Paul Anka’s “Puppy Love”.

“AND THEY CALLED IT……MEE SIAMMMmMMMMMmmmmmmmmmMM……”

*ahem*

The flavours all harmonized beautifully. Eating a bit of noodles and then biting into an egg or a slice of chicken mellowed the tanginess of the sauce, enough to allow the flavours of the toppings to shine through and reveal a new flavour entirely. It was truly an exquisite dish.

Bak Kut Tea

Bak Kuh Teh literally means pork bone tea.  It’s a soup boiled with pork bones for hours and hours until the soup itself becomes an extension of the bone.  The broth absorbs all the subtle and wonderful flavours of the pork bone and all that slow cooking makes the meat SO SOFT…it just fell off the bone and disintegrated in my mouth.  It was a really nice dish and a true testament to Malaysia’s cooking prowess.

Read more about Bak Kut Teh and see me try it out here!

Rojak

I really had no idea of what Rojak was.  I couldn’t find a proper description of it online, since everybody seems to have a different idea of what it should be.  Now, I love eating peculiar dishes, but I at least like to have some idea of what they are before I order it.  When I finally ordered it…I had NO idea it would look like this:

This is the Rojak I got, so let’s go down the list and see if we can’t decipher what’s in it.

A. Raw beansprouts – crisp and refreshing
B. Sliced radish – crunchy, great texture and very mild
C. Stir-fried Cucumber – savoury with a hint of spiciness
D. *????*
E. Boiled Egg – a staple topping it seems in Malay cooking
F. Gravy –  a rich, sweet and savoury concotion that brings everything together.

So about the *????* ingredient.  I can only describe it as fried dough or bread of sorts.  But hey, I love dough, I love bread, I love fried stuff; fried dough/bread? Hales yea!

The best part about it was that it was crispy and chewy, and you see that gravy?  It was sopped up, so I had an explosion of gravy in my mouth with each bite.  Awesome.

Satay

The satay in Malaysia was generally very good. To be fair, I only have the satay back home in Canada to compare it to. However, of all the satays I’ve eaten in Malaysia, Malacca came out as the clear winner.

Tender…smokey…juicy…a hint of crisp at the end pieces….HAVE MERCY…(yes that was a Full House, Uncle Jesse reference).

I’m pretty sure somebody will tell me that better Satays exist somewhere else in Malaysia, since Malacca probably isn’t known for their satays, but to an ignorant Westerner it was sublime!

Chicken Rice Balls

We’ve reached the end of my journey to through the heavens of taste and delight. Of course, I save the best for last – Malacca’s famous Chicken Rice Balls.

Read more about Malacca’s Chicken Rice Balls here and watch the video!

A few minutes please….to compose myself before I even attempt to describe this.

…

*whew*

Alright, picture this if you will:

On your left, there’s a litter of Daschund puppies (the weiner dogs) each representing a different flavour. Each one represents a flavour (ginger, green onion, soya sauce, chickeny-goodness, etc). They even have little collars and dog tags with their respective flavours engraved on them…aww.

To the right, there’s a litter of Pug puppies, each representing non-flavour based attributes like texture, tenderness, aroma, etc. I think one is just pure “Love”.

The puppies are playing Battleship, the classic game of naval strategy. However, the puppies recieved a version where there was a surplus of ships. So all the ships are laid out in manner such that every alphanumeric combination is a HIT!

A5 – HIT! J10 – HIT! G7 – HIT!

After every hit, they explode in a frenzy of high fives, backflips and tail wags. They congratulate each other too; it isn’t a game with enemies…it’s one of friends. Locked in brotherly love and sheer joy they celebrate with every sunk ship, with each celebration more ruckus than the last.

That my friends, was going on in my mouth. After every bite.

The chicken was SO soft and juicy…it fell off the bone the instant I looked at it practically. The rice balls were ginger flavoured and were the perfect texture. Soft rice kernals dancing with tender, succulent chicken, all to a swing band of spices and oils….*drooool*…

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go smoke a cigarette and play Battleship.

We had an impressive list of historical sites to hit up during our visit to the famed colonial city of Malacca. Thankfully, Malacca’s old city square is much as it was hundreds of years ago, with most of its attractions ... [Continue reading this entry]