The Adventures of Bruce and Ian

We’d just finished a hearty dinner on Jalan Alor when I was confronted with one of Malaysia’s most dangerous inhabitants: the durian.

Some quick history: durians aren’t just one of the most popular foods found in Malaysia, they’re a cultural landmark. The infamous pungent smell of the durian has caused many hotels and airlines to ban the fruit, but the indescribably intense and complex flavour of its flesh has earned it a fanatical following. There are countless varieties which connoisseurs seek out for particular subtleties in flavour. It’s been hailed as an aphrodisiac. Arguments about what food and drink it should be accompanied with have been bandied about for centuries. Also, it’s one of the few fruits that’s been known to kill. Often weighing up to three kilograms and protected by thick,inch long spikes which can easily draw blood, taking a blow from a durian dropping from the top of a 30 meter-tall tree will MESS YOU UP.

The legend of the durian has spread well beyond its South-East Asian home. Friends of mine in Vancouver have dared each other to eat durian flavoured bubble tea and biscuits, the smell and taste of which was often enough to prompt gagging, but none had ever worked up the courage to tackle the real deal: the “King Of Fruits” itself. Sarah was insisting that some durian would be a great dessert to follow up our dinner on Jalan Alor, and I wasn’t about to back down. What else did I come here for if not to dream the inconceivable dream, walk the impassable road, and eat the inedible fruit?

Sarah found a vendor’s cart full of nothing but the spiny, pineapple-sized fruits, and selected one. The aroma hanging around the cart wasn’t quite as all-pervasive as I’d been led to believe, but there was no getting around it: durian stinks. The vendor hacked away the spiny armor with an axe head, cracked open the fruit, and we sat down to eat. I took a whiff of the large, creamy-yellow segment I’d picked out and was assailed by more aromas than I could count. There was a fruity sweetness that smelled…wrong, somehow, but there were also hints of onions, bananas…I began to feel like a wine taster wafting a chablis that had been magically transported from another dimension populated by wines beyond the scope of human comprehension. I steeled my nerves and popped the whole segment into my mouth.

Ack.

In retrospect, I think my mistake was opting for such a large piece. With the large seed smack in the middle of the thing, there was no way I could properly chew through it. Instead, I was left helpless as the durian attacked my tastebuds with everything it had, which, it turns out, is quite an impressive arsenal. More than anything, I was instantly overcome with the strength and power of the flavour, rather than the specific taste itself. I’ve never eaten anything that was so unapologetically strong. Tasting durian’s a little like being mauled by a bear: the bear’s certainly not going to give you any account of what it did or why, and so it’s up to you, in your battered condition, to try to piece the story together.

The initial pungent, onion-like aroma was definitely present in the taste, and for a moment overshadowed everything. But then, the horde of sweeter and more layered flavours nestled in the soft durian flesh rushed to the front. Berries, caramel, banana, buttered popcorn and roasted nuts all swirled together in a custard-like texture, while the underlying bitterness still remained. What had to be the strangest aspect of the whole experience was how quickly my initial revulsion gave way to intrigue: my curiosity had been piqued and I needed to go back for more to explore specific flavours I’d missed on the first go ’round. I quickly realised how one could come to appreciate durian in the way one does wine or scotch, always trying different varieties and seeking out particular notes.

I was quite frankly exhausted (and perhaps a little violated) after my first time with a durian. Sarah explained that this was due to the “heatiness” of the fruit. Categorizing foods as having a “heating” or “cooling” effect on the body is common in Malaysia, and it’s customary to follow up the heaty “King Of Fruits” with the cooling “Queen Of Fruits”: the mangosteen. Ian had talked the mangosteen up to ridiculous heights before our trip, generating an image in my head of some sort of super-deluxe space-peach which would not only put to rest all of my fears about the fate of the world, but would also do my taxes. In short, expectations were high…

After getting settled in our hotel, we met up with our friend Sarah, who’d graciously agreed to act as our guide during our stay in Kuala Lumpur.  In addition to driving us through the city’s crowded streets (it took us a while to adjust to the whole “driving on the left side” business – more than a few panicked shrieks rang out from the backseats as Sarah deftly navigated her way), Sarah was going to make sure that we sampled as much Malaysian food as possible.

The best place to get started on that, she told us, was Jalan Alor…

Jalan Alor is a street just a few blocks away from KL’s main shopping district. By day there’s nothing remarkable about it, but at night countless vendors set up their stalls on the streetside, and begin to cook up a dizzying array of dishes. As we walked down the strip, vendors rushed forward to thrust menus in our hands. We stood out like sore thumbs as tourists – Jalan Alor is mostly a locals-only place – but we weren’t the only ones being pressed upon to try just about every variety of food you could imagine (and plenty you couldn’t). The Jalan Alor vendors don’t stop the hard sell simply at sticking a menu under your nose and imploring you to sit down, though. Powerful fans were set up above various grills and pots, sending the aromas of each stall’s specialty out into the street to compete with others. Every step you took, every time you turned your head, some new smell was there to greet you.

It’s safe to say that culture shock was starting to set in at that point, and so we were relieved when Sarah found a place that was up to par, sat us down, and began to order a dizzying array of dishes from the various menus we’d been given. After some much needed iced teas, dish after dish began to arrive at our table. We were served buttered shrimps tossed in egg, kangkung belacan (a leafy green vegetable sauteed in a shrimp paste that is ubiquitous in Malaysia), braised tofu with onions and ginger…and stingray! Ian hadn’t been expecting to eat such a formidable beast of the deep on his first night in KL, but he sallied forth, and predictably described it as tasting like chicken, albeit a fishy, porky chicken.

Watch Ian chow down on stingray here!

Refueled and having gotten our first taste of Malaysia, our second wind officially kicked in. The night was still young…

And with that we were off! Our Malaysian mission: see as many of the country’s beaches and jungles, experience as much of its culture, and cram as much of its famed cuisine into our mouths as we could in the space of our trip. Record everything, and then report back to you, our Malaysia.com readers…

We’d been preparing for our whirlwind trip to and around Malaysia for months, but it got off to a relatively sedate start: a thirteen hour flight to Hong Kong. Ian was lucky enough to be able to snooze for most of the trip, but I’ve never been able to sleep while flying. I killed time with a Charles Stross paperback (thought-provoking, geeky fun), Woody Allen’s “Matchpoint” (excellent), Pacino/Deniro vehicle “Righteous Kill” (exceptionally awful) and plenty of Mario Kart on my Nintendo DS.

After a quick connection in Hong Kong, we touched down at Kuala Lumpur International Airport. It was noon the day after the day it now was back in Vancouver (yeah, it confused us too), and we were completely beaten down by jet lag. But we were there! In Malaysia! Months of prep and anticipation had finally paid off, and nothing was gonna stop us from taking Kuala Lumpur by storm!

…Except the sudden realisation that Ian had left his laptop on the plane. After much panicking and a quick wait, the EeePC was returned to our grateful hands by a cheerful member of the Cathay Pacific staff, who told us that she had the exact same model. Go figure. With the laptop snugly tucked into Ian’s backpack, it was now time to take the KLIA Ekspres (this was the first of many Malay phonetic approximations of English words we spotted) to KL Sentral Station in the heart of Kuala Lumpur, and just across the street from our swank new digs and home base for the next couple of days: the KL Hilton.

We were in Malaysia, on the other side of the world!