Off the Couch and On the Road

My next trip, I thought as I sat in my fluorescent-lit office and ate my paltry homemade sandwhich, wouldn’t be exotic. Everyone would know exactly where it was, and you wouldn’t need any injections or malaria tablets to go. There would be no traditional dress, no jungles, no climbing ridiculous mountains and definitely no altitude. Or small planes. Or boats. None of that.

It would be relaxing and luxurious, I decided, as I nodded to myself and chewed. Even though I was still so young in travelling years, I could afford a little luxury. (Travellers’ ages are like dog years – what you are in reality isn’t exactly what you are deemed to be. It’s why 20-year-old backpackers act like 5-year-old kids, and 80-year-old men decide to hike Kilimanjaro. I work on a division of 4, which makes me about 7-years-old.)

So I collected brochures on idyllic B&B’s in England and countryside towns in France, and it was all going to be lovely. Except travellers have, by nature, itchy feet. And mine were no exception. It was toward the end of the year and a compulsive urge suddenly took over and I just knew I needed to go somewhere. Now. So I searched for all tours leaving between two particular dates, (I hadn’t gotten leave approved yet, but these kind of whimsical fancies can’t be held back by protocol, can they?) and there were 81 results. I took out of the equation places I’d already been, flights that were too long, and trips that were too short, and I came up with Borneo. Right, then. I was going to Borneo.

After looking on a map to see where, exactly, Borneo was, I read up a bit on the country and decided it was perfect. There were indigenous cultures, dense jungle, a tough 2-day hike up Mt Kinabalu (which sounded awesome just saying out loud, right?), and boat rides out to places like Turtle Island. It was perfect! And plus, I had always wanted to go to Borneo. I’m pretty sure, anyway.

A few weeks later, having regretted packing while watching Grey’s Anatomy, (last time I tried to Grey’s multi-task I booked my flight a month too late) I was dropped off at the airport under strict instruction by my 6-year-old niece to bring back a monkey. And I was on my way to Borneo.

“Have you ever been to New Guinea?” The immigration officer said as he stamped me out of Sydney Airport. “Ahhh, no,” I said, perplexed. Was I going to New Guinea? Was that a part of Malaysia? Was it in Borneo? Was I actually going to end up in Borneo? I smiled nervously and walked through to my departure gate with feigned confidence.

Mental note: Do not watch Grey’s Anatomy while booking flights. Ever.

-Sarah