I have always worried about traveling out of the U.S. - and not for the reasons that most people might worry. I can deal with isolation, I can deal with cold showers and uncomfortable beds and different foods and attitudes about Gringos and the chance for mugging and on and on. These things haven't been big concerns. The concern has always been: what if I visit a different country and realize that the culture of the U.S. is as poisonous as I have felt it to be for the past 5 years? Uh oh...

Now I find myself one week away from my return to the U.S. and the thought that consumes me is this: how am I going to adapt to the new changes in my worldview? As much as I have struggled against the systwem previously, I am now ready to cut my umbellical cord. The things that I have seen in Costa Rica have only reinforced the thoughts I've had about globalism, cities, the environment, the struggles of the indigenous and the poor. How am I going to relate to people who haven't seen this life and work to destroy it with or without knowing that they are doing so? I honestly feel a great deal of sorrow for those of us that slave day after day after day to make ends meet in a system that is horrible for our spirits.

And it is here that I fight the voice in my head that says... "You sound condescending... who are you to judge? Why can't these people figure it out for themselves? Is it wrong to want to live your life the way other do?" I expect these questions when I try to explain myself in the near future. I hope that the people with whom I speak understand my intent and find it to be pure.

My mission now is to carry the thoughts that I've collected in Costa Rica and implement them in the U.S. My biggest worry as I consider this mission is that my trip will become a mask on my wall or a belt around my waist. I know that I owe myself more than that and there is much work ahead to keep this trip from being two months removed from the rest of my life.

If you've made it this far in this entry, I look forward to conversations about changing the world when I return!