Not surprisingly, the most frequently asked question I get is, "So, what's the best place you've been?" This of course is a loaded question, and rather than go into a tiff about how it is in fact a loaded and unfair question, my automatic quick answer is "Bolivia." I then continue briefly about how jungles, villages, and cities begin to look the same across continents, but it was unique sight of Bolivia's reflective salt pans of Uyuni that I have not seen anywhere else.

This is of course the short answer, so I can move off the subject and go back to attend to my beer. However, the long answer is, "Well, I can't really single out one Best Place Ever because there's so much diversity out there. I'd have to put it into categories first, and only then could I tell you about the best stuff I've seen that's out there in the world."

And so, here's the continuation of that long answer, based on my travels on TGT1 and TGT2:

BEST TREK: For me, trekking is always better when there's a goal to be reached, so you feel like you have some sort of purpose in walking for days, instead of wandering around aimlessly like an illiterate locked in a library. One particular goal comes to mind, the "lost" city of Machu Picchu, at the end of the four-day trek on the Inca Trail (TGT1) in the Peruvian Andes. The four days of undulating paths through the cloud forest -- including a day of altitude sickness (no surprise there) -- is worth it once you gaze down on the ancient ruins from the old Incan Sun Gate.

Honorable mention goes to the Mount Kilimanjaro trek on the Marangu Route, not just because the goal at the end is the top of Africa's highest mountain peak, but because of the variety of environments on the way. In four days, you go through five different ecosystems: tropical rainforest, mountain forest, moorland, desert, and glacier. (The downside to that is that you have to lug the clothing for all such environments).

BEST BEACH: From what I've seen, I'll give this honor to White Beach on the island of Boracay in the Philippines. Honorable mention goes to Kendwa Beach on the northwest corner of Zanzibar, Tanzania. Mind you I was at both of these places during their low tourist seasons, so it wasn't that tainted with crowds of people. But with the smoothest, silkiest white sands I've graced my bare feet on, what's not to like either way?

MOST LAID BACK PLACE: Without a doubt, Dahab, Egypt, on the Sinai Peninsula. It is the answer to the frequently asked question, "What's one place you'd definitely go back to?" Situated on the coast of the Red Sea, what Dahab lacks in a sandy beach, it makes up for in pillow lounges. Picture a mile-long stretch of just blankets and pillows on the floor under thatched roofs for you to just veg out in with warm breezes, good food, great smokes, and really awesome milkshakes and lassis, all served to you by friendly people that don't hassle you as nearly enough as the locals swarming the ancient Egyptian tourist sites on the mainland. I'm told the Australian guy Greg I met up with there in June 2004, was still there in February 2005 because he just couldn't leave. It's just that kind of a place.

BEST DIVE: Let's break it down:

• BEST CORAL DIVE: Mnemba Atoll, off the northeast coast of Zanzibar Island, Tanzania. I lucked out diving on a sunny day with great visibility; all around me, all I could see were tropical fish and fields and fields of coral showing off all the colors of the spectrum. Honorable mention goes to the Great Barrier Reef (TGT1) off the coast of Cairns, Australia, also with the most amazing coral down under, down under.



• BEST WRECK DIVE: I don't have that much experience with wrecks, but I have to say I really did enjoy the "King Cruiser" wreck site in the Andaman Sea off the coast of Thailand. A big sunken ship with no presence of Leonardo DiCaprio is always a good thing.



• BEST DEEP DIVE: "Canyon" in the Red Sea, off the coast of Dahab, Egypt. Sinking down 90 ft. underwater through a narrow chasm is always an adventure; coming back up -- slowly -- is fun too. I should mention that "Canyon" is nearby the famous "Blue Hole" dive site, which is so deep, many divers have died in their attempts to reach the bottom. Many plaques on-shore have been erected in their memory, and attest to Blue Hole's danger. (Haha, I said, "erected.")



• BEST MARINE LIFE DIVE: I could say the great white shark dive I did off the coast of Gansbaai, South Africa, was the most exciting marine life dive, but that doesn't really count because I was in a cage without an air tank and the shark wrangler lured sharks over as best he could (in accordance with the government-set rules of eco-tourism).

  And so, the best real dives rich in marine life are in and around the Galapagos Islands, Ecuador. Reef sharks, schools of hammerheads, turtles, rays, and seas otters that swim right up to you -- it's like swimming in an aquarium without the annoying tourists flashing pictures behind a glass.

BEST SAFARI DESTINATION: The Okavango River, which begins somewhere in Angola, doesn't spill out into the ocean, a big lake or sea; it simply ends in the middle of Botswana, and disperses into a huge swampland known as the Okavango Delta (TGT1), where all the animals come to feed and drink. The Okavango was my first safari experience, and perhaps the most magical; all subsequent safaris weren't as special after that first one. (Once you've seen a giraffe, you've seen them all, no matter where you are.) I'm sure if I went to the Serengeti in Tanzania first, my answer would be different, but then again, if you've read, my experience in the Serengeti was the safari from hell, when I was stranded for hours under the hot, beating sun with this Italian couple, while we waited for our shady safari guide who abandoned us, to look for help for our truck stuck in the mud. Vultures literally circled above us that day -- not the thing you really want to see on a safari when you don't know if your guide is still alive.

Honorable mention goes to the Ngorongoro Crater, Tanzania right next to the Serengeti, where most of the animals of Africa are found all in one convenient central area, inside the grasslands at the bottom of a collapsed volcano. (Coincidentally, the Ngorongoro Crater was a place that our car didn't break down.)

HOTTEST WOMEN: Ah, so many hotties around the world, but if I had to specify a country with the highest concentration of them, I'll to say Argentina. There's just something about their blend of Spanish, native South American, and some German genes that makes them bursting with sex appeal. A very close second goes to the women of Spain, the country that I have to say has the highest concentration of MILFs. As one of my friends said on the subject of Spanish women on his trip to Spain: "Check out that girl? That girl? F that, look at her mom!"

Honorable mention of worldly beauties goes to the Ethiopian women, and that's not a joke or an act of tokenism. At the crossroads of the Middle East and Africa, Ethiopia women have this really attractive blend of both worlds, with big alluring eyes, nice cheek-bones, and a great coffee-colored skin tone. Apparently the photogenic qualities of Ethiopians apply to men too, so I'm told by my cousin-in-law Tatjana in Luxembourg, who raved about how beautiful her male Ethiopian colleagues were.

While we're on the subject of HOTTEST WOMEN, I'll say the SEXIEST ACCENT has got to be when German girls speak English. That and the South African accent. Remember that chick in Lethal Weapon 2? Mmmm...

BEST AIRLINE: You can throw China Airlines' less-than-stellar safety track record out the window at 30,000 ft.; Dude, they have the best in-flight entertainment I've seen short of a lapdance. On my 9-hr. flight from Taipei to Vancouver, I was thoroughly entertained with my own entertainment unit, in coach, where I could watch movies from a decent selection, as well as TV shows (including that one obligatory episode of Friends that seems to be on all flights these days) -- and all on demand. I've seen selectable in-flight movies before, but they went through a loop and you had to wait for a cycle to finish in order to start from the beginning. But on this flight I could fast forward, rewind, stop, and play, and not only play movies; the unit had video games -- even multiplayer ones -- plus a decent selection of a variety of MP3s that you could put in your own customized playlist so you're not tied into their own playlists with those annoying in-flight pre-recorded DJs. With so much to do, I almost wished that flight was longer.

(Almost. I mean, c'mon, it was still a pretty long flight.)

BEST TRAINS: With a month-long unlimited Eurail pass, you can use all of the trains in western Europe for a one-time fee (minus the small extra costs for sleeper reservations on overnight trains). In my post-college European backpacking trek before I turned 26, the Eurail youth pass I had only allowed me to ride in second class. But on TGT2, at the age of 29, I had no choice but to get the standard Eurail pass, which is for first class. As far as I'd seen, the best of the first classes was on the InterCity Express of Germany, with its electrical power outlets, individual TV monitors, tables, office rooms, coffee and beer service. Honorable mention goes to the Shinkansen of Japan, the "bullet train" faster than a speeding train, which is so fast, I can definitely see how it instills a sensation of vertigo in some people.

BEST BUSES: The best buses, as far as I've experienced, are in Brazil. Air-conditioning, comfy cushiony seats, foot rests, leg rests -- it's like a bunch of Laz-y-Boys on wheels. I didn't see the buses in Argentina, but I've heard raves about them from fellow backpackers. These buses sure beat the buses in Peru, which wouldn't be so bad if they didn't keep on playing the same Jean-Claude Van Damme and Steven Segal movies over and over on the monitors.

I should mention that I've heard there is new competitive bus service in and between Singapore and Malaysia, where the seats on the buses are actual motorized massage chairs.

BEST FOOD: Ah, another loaded question. This too needs to be broken down in categories; here are some that immediately come to mind:

• BEST STEAK: The best steaks are in Argentina, more specifically at the Chiquilin restaurant in Buenos Aires. The gauchos of the countryside haven't busted their asses for years so that their beef could be second best -- and it shows.



• BEST FISH: The best fish I've had is in Tokyo sushi. There, you can get it so fresh, it literally still twitches on the table in front of you (and on occasion, in your mouth), whether it be fugu or live shrimp.




• BEST VEGETARIAN DISH: The falafels in the Arab world were good, but the best falafel I had was from Dada's Falafel in Berlin, a city with a huge Turkish immigrant population.




• BEST CHINESE FOOD: It's in China. But there they just call it "food."



• BEST GAME MEAT: Warthog, and it doesn't taste gamey at all. It's like pork, but a lot leaner and more tender, at least the way I had it prepared for me in Victoria Falls, Zimbabwe (TGT1). Since it's not exactly from a pig, it's technically not pork, so I dare even Jews to try it. So good.
  
  (By the way, while we're on the subject, try saying "Best Game Meat" out loud and undoubtedly it sounds like "Best Gay Meat." I had a similar problem in pronunciation when I once needed a hint for a PlayStation 2 game in 2002, and I was walking with my friend and Blogreader LovePenny and told him that I wanted to stop at a newsstand and get a "game magazine." You could imagine the confused look on his face when I said it.)




• BEST BANG FOR YOUR BUCK (before the U.S. dollar sunk to embarrassingly low values): If you really want a good value and with really good non-fast food, head for the night markets in Stone Town, Zanzibar, Tanzania. Fish, squid, lobster, crabs, prawns -- all caught fresh from local fishermen. You point to it, and it's put on the grill. Average price for a big plate of food is about two to three bucks (American). At that price it's a steal, and yet, I've seen backpackers complain it's still too much and bargain it down even more -- but c'mon, really now; lobster for that price? Sure, I'll pay the two bucks.
  
  Honorable mention goes to the night-time food stands in the Place Djemaa el-Fna in the old medina of Marrakesh, Morocco. Seafood, lamb, salads, and couscous galore, and plenty of it.




• BEST INTERNATIONAL MCDONALD'S FOOD ITEM NOT OFFERED IN THE U.S.A.: Yes, I made it a point to check out a local McDonald's (a.k.a. "the American embassy") in most of the countries I've been. Overseas, McDonald's must cater to a different audience with a different taste palate, and sometimes things are just a little different. Example: in Paris, you can get a beer, and I'm not talking about no paper cup, I'm talking about a glass of beer. And do you know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Paris? They got the metric system; they wouldn't know what the fuck a Quarter Pounder is. They call it a "Royale with cheese." A Big Mac's a Big Mac, but they call it "Le Big Mac."

  All Pulp Fiction aside, the tastiest thing I've had overseas not offered in the U.S.A. has got to be McDonald's of India's Chicken Maharaja Mac. Who says McDonald's can't survive in a Hindu country where cows are sacred? Replacing the two all beef patties are two spicy curry chicken patties, which is only ameliorated with the special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, (tomatoes,) on a sesame seed bun.

  Honorable mention goes to McDonald's of Canada's Toasted Deli Sandwiches, which I was surprised to not find back in the States. I'd only had the Crispy Buffalo Chicken Sandwich, which was spicy but not overwhelming, on a long toasted roll. Other sandwiches offered were the Turkey BLT, Beef 'n Provolone, Grilled Veggie Melt, New York Reuben, and the Leaning Tower Italian. So good, you almost forget you're in McDonald's -- until you tell them, "Super-Size Me."

BEST BEER: Ah, so many to choose from. I'll go with the heifeweizens in Berlin. Any brand will do after a couple (if you know what I mean), and in Germany they are always poured by barmaids that give it a really good head (if you know what I mean). I didn't go to Belgium, but honorable mention goes to Belgian Trappist Ales anyway because they're just so good in any country, plus southeast Asia's Tiger Beer, Namibia's Windhoek Special Lager, and some other brews that I was probably too drunk to remember. It's fitting to mention here that the Guinness brewed by the Guinness Anchor brewery in Malaysia brews Guinness with 8.0% alcohol by volume, 1.1% higher than the original Guinness in Ireland (6.9%).

BIGGEST ADRENALINE RUSH: Forget bungie jumping; that's all mathematically calculated with the Laws of Physics for safety. But the Running of the Bulls; no math can predict the nature of bulls stampeding down the narrow streets of Pamplona, closed off from side streets until the finish line. Does 69(3.14x + yr²) = getting gored in the ass by a bull horn? Who knows? Math also can't predict the nature of drunken revelers running/stumbling along with you in that tight space. As people have said (and will continue to say), the real threat of injury during the run comes not from the bulls, but from the people instead.

BEST CLUB: I originally thought La Paz would be this small Spanish colonial city in the middle of Bolivia with perhaps a central plaza, a Spanish-influenced cathedral, and a few red-roofed buildings. On the contrary, La Paz turned out to be this bustling modern metropolis situated at the bottom of a canyon. Think New York inside the Grand Canyon and you have La Paz. With that said, it was even more surprising to me when, with the help of two local girls that fellow traveler and Dutchman Gilbert met, we discovered the Dedekos nightclub in a residential area where one wouldn't expect a nightclub to be. Nightclubs come and go, so there's no guarantee it's still there at the time of writing this, but the hidden, secret aspect of it was part of its appeal. In a little alley way, one small door that looked like it led into a house actually led down into this huge underground space modeled to look like an old, multi-leveled miner's cavern, where the crowd was mostly young trendy locals, drinks were strong and cheap, and drugs were readily available if you were into them. Needless to say I got thoroughly trashed there dancing to the mix of techno, hip hop, lounge, and 80s classics, and lost my voice screaming the lyrics to Guns 'N Roses' "Sweet Child O' Mine" (a favorite both by locals and the few gringos that had also discovered the club's "secret" location).

Honorable mention goes to No Bar in Quito, Ecuador, with arguably the wildest bar-dancing crowd in the Andean countries of South America. The bar is set on fire nightly. Need I explain more?

WILDEST PARTY: As far as I've seen, Parties Gone Wild is at Pamplona's San Fermin Festival in Spain. More commonly known as "the Running of the Bulls," this festival is much more than the releasing of bulls every morning promptly at 8:00 a.m.; it is a full-on, non-stop 24/7 party, and I mean that quite literally. At any given time for the eight-day event, it's not surprising to see a marching band go down one of the streets, followed by a crowd of drunken street dancers, whether it be two in the afternoon or three in the morning. There's a line to get inside one of the big fancy nightclubs almost around-the-clock as far as I saw, which really didn't matter because you can drink and dance just about anywhere in the city. Sure other world festivals may have this craziness too, but do they have San Fermin's Txupinazo? It's the opening ceremony in which thousands of people jam into a space about the size of a basketball court, bouncing beach balls and soccer balls off the walls of buildings and go around with Super Soaker water guns filled with sangria. And contrary to what some travel purists may think, this festival is not overridden by foreigners inspired by Hemingway's The Sun Also Rises; as far as I saw, the event is still authentically a Spanish one.

Honorable mention goes to Rio de Janiero's Carnival -- the impromptu street parties more than the official parade in the Sambadrome itself (which is a lot more organized). With it's crazy street dancing, live samba bands, and foam parties, Rio's Carnival was actually my answer to this category until I went to the San Fermin.

BEST NIGHTLIFE: Overall, I'll say the best nightlife is in Bangkok, Thailand. As the song goes, "One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster" and there's a lot of truth in that (assuming you get in the bar or club you want to). If you're into the red light scene, Patpong's sex shows are there for you every night. If you want to go bar hopping or clubbing, everything is right next to each other in the Khaosan Road district, the center of farang backpackers, whose nightlife audience has expanded in recent years to include trendy young locals. Some other cities might have just as good a night scene as Bangkok's, but as far as I've experienced, it's only on Bangkok's Khaosan Road that you can just hang out on the street at night and have a good time drinking at a makeshift bar on the curb, all before stuffing your face with a sobering, freshly made banana pancake fried up by a street vendor.

SLICKEST CITY: Without a doubt, Tokyo. Tokyo was everything I imagined it would be and then some, without the giant monsters like Godzilla mucking about. A never-ending place of stimulation, this city of neon lights, fast trains, beverage vending machines on every corner, pachinko parlors, and hard-core porn in the regular daily newspapers, breaks all stereotypes that the Japanese are all shy, reserved people. The sound effects and chimes on the trains make it feel like you're in a video game. I once asked Blogreader and friend wheat (who had done a foreign student exchange program there), "Where's that neighborhood that looks like Times Square?" His reply: "Uh, all of them look like Times Square."

BEST "WONDER OF THE WORLD": According to Wikipedia, there are six different sets of "Seven Wonders of the World" lists: ancient, medieval, natural, underwater, modern, and new. All lists aside, the best "Wonder of the World" that I've seen is the Great Wall of China because, let's face it, with what other Wonder of the World can you drink a beer on, right before sliding down a zip-line?

MOST OVERRATED PLACE: Thailand has become known to be the first-time place for the newbie backpacker, as it is a cheap destination far from home where most people speak English, that has a very developed travel infrastructure and many Western conveniences. For this reason I feel it is overrated because before, during, and after this trip, I still hear people raving about Thailand like it's a big deal, when in reality it's not. If the world backpacking circuit was like a video game (as it sometimes feels), Thailand would be Level Two, only after Level One (English-speaking Australia). In fact, The Other Erik from Vancouver told me in the Philippines that Thailand probably wouldn't appeal to me and other well-traveled people because there's no challenge, and I wholeheartedly agreed with him.

Don't get me wrong; Thailand's great for what it is; it's easy. If you're new to backpacking or just want to "go on vacation" (as opposed to "travel"), or you're the type of "experienced backpacker" that just travels from Irish pub to Irish pub, then I wholeheartedly recommend it. The jungle treks are great, the historic sights are awe-inspiring, and the beaches world class -- plus they have a pretty nifty king whose picture is everywhere. I guess I'm bitter because to this day I still hear "Thailand this" and "Thailand that," and "You guys should go to Thailand" -- when I know there are other places out there with a more "authentic" experience, and Thailand is just hogging up all the action. Not to generalize, but the Thais have really embraced tourism and have become dependent on it, most going out of their way for farangs (provided they have the cash). In a way I sort of feel Thailand is the sell-out of southeast Asia -- no offense to you Thais outside the tourism industry -- and I've actually felt bad about thinking that -- until I went to a Thai artists' exhibit in the Singapore Art Museum, which displayed similar statements from Thais concerned about the state of greed in their homeland:

"Thailand is a Buddhist country where people are not supposed to exploit each other but when you look around, all you see are greed and consumerism everywhere." --Chatchai Puipia

"It's too easy to use the West as a scapegoat; it's the whole system that's at fault. Greed swallowed us up both inside and out. Having never lived under colonial rule, we were inexperienced and incapable of protecting ourselves in such a climate. But the biggest doubt is whether we've actually learnt from our mistakes." --Manit Sriwanichpoom

I understand that in developing countries, tourism is a necessity to keep an economy going. Just keep in mind that in the long run, it's not the locals who ruin a country's "authenticity," it is the tourists.

BEST PLACE WITH A BAD REPUTATION: India has been a backpacker destination for decades, since the days the hippies came in the 60s to do drugs and get all spiritual. (Some of them haven't left, and by the smell of things, haven't showered.) In today's new wave of backpackers, who tote digital cameras and mobile phones, and hang out in metrosexual bars, India has become a sort of eye-opening, and sometimes depressing destination for some. Most newcomers arrive and are immediately appalled to see the state of poverty, the pollution, and the constant haggling and scamming by locals. I won't ignore the fact that this is present in India, but I must say it isn't the only thing that's there. India does have its charm, with its historic, religious and modern monuments, but above all, it has a very friendly people, as long as you find them. Now I don't know if I got a less-than-average hassle because of the color of my skin, but I definitely saw that many Indians are not scam artists and are good guys. It's not all litter, smog, and scrawny cows in the street neither. From my experience, India can actually be a classy place; Mumbai reminded me of Miami with its art deco buildings and lack of tuk-tuks, and the southwest coast of India boasts casinos and a fancy beach scene.

I promote India here because I'm irritated when I meet travelers who have told me they would never go to India after reading that book, Are You Experienced? by William Sutcliffe, which really plays up the annoying aspects of traveling in India. I can't really bash this book since I haven't read it myself, but all I know is, Lara (the Brit in Peru, Bolivia, and Brazil) and Lot (the Dutchie in northern Thailand) both refused to go to India after believing everything they read the book. If India's Ministry of Tourism could do anything about it, they should put out a smear campaign on the book, instead of concentrating their "Incredible India!" campaign. Or, if anyone in the country is caught reading it, they should scold him/her by saying, "This is not a library."

COUNTRY THAT SURPRISED ME THE MOST: Forget the image of a nation of starving children; Ethiopia is "up and coming" on the tourist radar, and the Ministry of Tourism there knows it, playing up Ethiopia's rich history angle. Ethiopia, the birthplace of humanity, was once the homeland of the Abyssian Empire, a once powerful civilization as glorious as the ancient Egyptians or Nubians. After seeing the rock-hewn churches of Lalibela, the castles of "Africa's Camelot" in Gondar, and the temple believed to hold the actual Ark of the Covenant in Axum, no longer is my image of Ethiopia that of a Sally Struthers television ad. It would seem that in Ethiopia, "they" were the world before "we" were.

PLACE I THINK I COULD LIVE OTHER THAN NEW YORK: Majority opinion would leave you to believe the ideal place would be a bungalow on a secluded beach or something, but truthfully, I have to say I'm not much of a beach person. Don't get me wrong, I like being on the beach, but the thing is, I get bored easily, and with all my melanin, I don't exactly need to sit out like a beach bum to get a tan. I thought I was the oddball out until I saw an episode of Ian Wright Live! on my China Airlines' flight (host of the Lonely Planet/Globe Trekker show, in his own solo travel-oriented variety show), who said something to the effect that all you do on the beach is get sunburn while trying to read a book, but then end up just falling asleep and getting sand all over you.

Picking a place to live and not just to getaway are two different things, at least in my short-attention span mind. I hate it when people talk about how good a place is to live and mention, "They have really good bars and stuff." Uh, I hate to say it, but bars aren't the only thing in Life. (They're a big part, not just the only factor.) Unlike most backpackers, I'm usually excited about big cities as I am with nature trails, provided the city has a buzz, a vibe, an energy that you feel around you all the time to keep you stimulated. With that and the fact that I'd like to live in a place that doesn't require you to have a car, I'll say my answer is Berlin. Paris is a close second -- their Metro system is also extensive and convenient -- but it's Berlin that, like New York City, is more of a multicultural international city as far as I'd seen. (Plus, a lot more people speak English.) In fact, ask any German living outside of Berlin about their capital city and they'll most likely say "Ich mag Bier und wienerschnitzel" ("I like beer and wienerschnitzel"), followed by "Berlin ist nicht ein Teil von Deutschland" ("Berlin is not a part of Germany"). Like New York, "New Berlin" (as some call it) is a world city unlike the rest of the country, with many different cultures in the mix -- something I really respect because multiculturalism has come to be a big requirement for me (if not the biggest) in the place I could live. Berlin has this multicultural vibe; in fact, many of the Berliners I met were of some other ethnic descent.

Aside from the multicultural aspect, Berlin, like New York, is an ever-changing city of blending the old with the new; classic buildings stand near post-modern futuristic-looking ones. The music scene isn't dependent on the mainstream, ranging from roots in classical to the present day DJ breakbeat scene. Old and new design is omnipresent too, and there's even a longtime indie film scene. And if that's not enough, they have really good bars and stuff. (It's not the only thing they have, but it's definitely a plus.)

* * * * *


SO THERE YOU GO; my long answer to the Best Place(s) Ever. I'm aware my answers don't cover the entire world; it's just what I've experienced myself. Have you seen that 1,000 Places Before You Die book by Patricia Schultz? I've barely put a dent in that list after all that I've seen so far. It's actually a sort of depressing thing for me to browse through that book. There are so many other places out there that may or may not be better than the places mentioned in my "Best Of..." list above, but c'mon, cut me some slack; it's a big world after all, no matter what Disney may tell you.

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