DAY 10: In South America, I've noticed that most of the hot showers are electric. A pipe runs to a shower head which is connected to two electric wires, which run a power switch. As water enters the shower head, it heats it before it comes down.

The problem I've found with this is, when a fuse blows in the house, like it did in the morning, the water immediately gets freezing cold right when you have shampoo all in your hair. I blamed my iBook in the bedroom, which had been plugged in and rendering a video file for a New York client for the past two days.

If it's not one thing with clients, it's another.

After breakfast, Ani and I went to class like two German and Filipino-American half brothers leaving our Ecuadorean mother. I sat down with my tutor Rosa at our table for our usual lesson. I brought out my notebook to show her my homework, and all of a sudden she started crying. Jesus, was my grammar that bad?

Apparently something in her personal life as intruding on class time.

"Que paso?" I asked.

She whimpered, "Nada...nada...la pasada..."

I didn't know what to do, so I just behaved as usual. We eventually reverted back to normal class stuff, which was good for her because it got her mind off of other things. Three pages of verb conjugation has that sort of affect on people I guess.

I met my German brother Ani after class and we walked downtown to the house of South American Explorers, a long-standing, reputable non-profit organization founded in Ithaca, NY (of all places), which aims to provide practical and informational advice to visitors of South America. Ani and I went there because the Lonely Planet book said they had walking tours every Wednesday and we wanted to join up. We found the house (picture above) and I immediately recognized it from a Globe Trekker episode on PBS.

It's the off season (aka rainy season) in Quito, so there weren't many members around to set up a tour. However, I ran into Judy, my one-night roommate on my second night in Quito, who had joined in Ithaca before heading south. She was just hanging out and looking up stuff.

THERE WAS AN AMERICAN GUY there looking into membership, and the director of the place, an American gringa named Mary Ann, started giving us her spiel on the benefits of membership.

"Basically, we've been around for 25 years, as a resource to those traveling to South America. South America always gets a bad reputation from the media, and we aim to change that. Did you know that the United States and France labeled Ecuador as their number one most dangerous country to go to? In spite of that, you came down here anyway to see it. The only way people will know that South America is a beautiful place is by you guys going back and telling people. However, there are a lot of tour companies out to rip foreigners off, and we want to let you know what people have been saying about places before you do business with them. We give you that facts and you decide. We want you to have a good time here, so you can tell people back home. We've also got offices in Lima and Cuzco."

"Wow," I said after her long-winded speech. "The US and France actually agreed on something."

ALL OF THE VALUABLE RESOURCES provided come at a price: a $50 annual membership fee. "There's a list here of reputable tour companies that give discounts to South American Explorer members. Most of them are 10% off. A $400 trip to the Galapagos, and you already get forty bucks back," Mary Anne pitched.

I was intrigued, as was The American Guy. Ani was skeptical because he wouldn't have any use for them after Quito as he was headed northbound.

"It's fifty bucks per individual," she said. "But if two or three join up, it'll be $40 each."

Janet the Latina office secretary started getting the paperwork ready. "For forty dollares, you will sign up as a couple," she said. The American Guy and I looked at each other.

"So I guess we're getting married then, huh?" I said.

"Yeah. Sure."

"What's your name?" I asked. It was the least I should know in a pretend marriage.

"Mike."

"I'm Erik."

We shook hands and were hitched. On a backpacker budget, you'll do anything for a discount.

MY NEW HUSBAND/WIFE/LIFE PARTNER (take your pick and say it with air quotes) had just arrived in Quito the night before and was staying in the Old City. Originally from Long Island, he had lived and worked in New York and California and Miami, until he quit his job and flew to Quito for a long-term trip all around Latin America.

Janet gave us the tour of the multi-level clubhouse, including the lounge with a fireplace, the library, the kitchen and the map room. I got many excursion ideas, including a river trek through the Amazon rainforest from Coca, Ecuador to Iquitos, Peru. Ani, although he didn't join, went around the house with us, and managed to peek at the medical volunteer listings.

Ani went home to take a nap, so Mike and I went walking around, despite the slight drizzle. Mike only knew the Old City, so I played tour guide for his first time into GringoLand. For lunch, I turned him onto the little restaurant that none of the gringos went to. The food, although as good as it was before, didn't bode well with my quesy stomach, and I ran off to the bathroom. But there was no toilet paper so I just had to concentrate all my energy and make my ass do a reverse swallow.

The two of us went looking at the recommended tour companies with weekend excursions -- rafting, mountain biking, kayaking -- and discovered that membership really does have its privelages. Afterwards, we just wandered around aimlessly. We went looking for a movie theater that the Lonely Planet book had mentioned, but it didn't exist anymore. (FYI: So far that makes four errors in the Lonely Planet book.)

During our stroll, I discovered my new fake spouse was quite the catch. He was an All American Pretty Boy-type, about 6'0". If I had to compare him to a famous person, I'd say a cross between Carson Daly and Ray Liotta, but not really. Well, he was no Don Knotts. He was getting cat calls from ladies on the street, giggling and yelling, "Hey Guapo!" At one point, two girls showed their pace down to hear our conversation and I noticed one pushing the other to just approach him and say "Hello." They were too shy and just giggled away.

I left my husband/wife/life partner in air quotes in GringoLand and went home for dinner. Dinner conversation with Gabi, Blanca and Ani was quiet, until I starting about las malas palabras (bad words). That spawned some interesting Spanish conversation.

Dinner was good, but still reacted as a laxative and I ran to the bathroom again -- this time without my camera.

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