When You're Sliding Into First and You Feel Something Burst, Diarrhea...Diarrhea...

DAY 9: "El domingo pasado, miré una pelicula divertido sobre una abuela que tener una casa, pero ella le va a perder a menos que gana $250,000. Entonces, su nieto juga golf -- pero dice muchas malas palabras en el television! Hubo un beep y beep y beeep..."

Translation: "Last Sunday, I saw a funny movie about a grandmother who has a house, but she is going to lose it unless she earns $250,000. So, her grandson plays golf -- but says many bad words on the television! There was a beep and beep and beeep...."

"Oh! ¡Es 'Happy Gilmore!'"

"¡Si! Esta muy divertido."

This was just one of the tangeants that sprung out of my daily conversations with my tutor Rosa. She described other movies in Spanish that she had seen, of which I replied, "¡Oh, es 'Demolition Man' con Sylvester Stallone y Sandra Bullock!" and "¡Oh, 'Licensed to Drive' con Corey Feldman y Corey Haim!"

And you thought the Coreys were just washed out child stars that nobody remembered anymore.

TRAVELERS' DIARRHEA IS A TERM used to describe the inevitable case of the runs one gets when eating in other countries, particularly lesser developed ones. For the past week I was fine, probably because I was only eating in restaurants. But now that I'm eating home-cooked meals, my stomach has to adjust to the real local food. It does this by excreting chunky liquid feces as often as President Bush mispronounces a word.

I felt the first bubbling in my stomach during morning class. It must have been from the orange juice at breakfast, or the water the fresh fruits were washed in. Gradually it built up in my stomach and I couldn't wait to get back home. Who cares about the verb for "to be able"? -- I had to go! However, I was detained for a bit because I had shown Rosa the book I was in and she wanted to photocopy it for her English tutoring as well as get my autograph. Oh, the price my bowels pay for a little fame.

I rushed back home and immediately went to the bathroom to let my ass vomit. It made bubbly sounds similar to a drip coffee maker when it's coming to the end of its brew. The water in the house was working again, so it was an easy flush this time -- but I took a picture for my blogfans before doing so.

MY MOTHER BACK IN NEW JERSEY has had this unbelievable power for as long as I've known to scope out a Chinese restaurant in any town whenever we'd go on a family trip, no matter how remote. She's like the Terminator of Lo Mein. Perhaps this gene was passed down to me, because I went out looking for one and found one immediately. I had heard from an Englishwoman that I must try the Chinese food in South America because it's different from the stuff back home.

A Chinese restaurant wasn't hard to find -- there are several -- and I ordered a sopa de wantan and chaulufan de pollo (chicken fried rice). The wonton soup was rather different -- it had smaller wontons, more meat and lots of shredded lettuce -- but the chicken fried rice was more or less the same, but not as greasy.

Afterwards, I ran home with another explosive case of diarrhea.

IT WAS ANOTHER RAINY DAY in Quito, so I spent the afternoon indoors at the Museo Nacional del Banco Centro del Ecuador. It hosts many artifacts from ancient times to the Age of Catholicism. I snuck in some photos (above) with my little spy camera until a guard stopped me, just as I was trying to get a photo of this cool-looking mummy skull. It's a shame I couldn't take anymore photos because there was one classical painting of the Virgin Mary breast feeding Baby Jesus. And why wouldn't the internet need a picture of Jesus sucking on a titty?

I was walking back in the rain with my Elvis Costello fedora on when I felt the rumbling in my stomach again. Inside, it was like a foam party in Ibiza -- bubbly, wild and ready to explode. That and the inhalation of bus fumes really got my sick and I felt like vomitting. When I got back at the house I "perked" some more "chunky coffee," twice within half an hour.

I HELPED BLANCA AND GABI set the table for dinner and then we all dined on more traditional Ecuadorean dishes -- a corn-based soup, salchichas and tortillas de mais con queso -- all of which I hoped had no laxative properties. Dinners are always good because there is forced conversation in Spanish and its great practice for me. Blanca corrects us whenever we're wrong or explains definitions in Spanish. Gabi is more or less your regular apathetic teenager-type; whenever she's home, she just vegges and watches soap operas in her room, but helps around as needed.

I showed my book off to Blanca and she was totally surprised. "Hay un escritor en mi casa!" ("There is a writer in my house!") And with Ani being a doctor, she couldn't be more proud: "Mis dos niños... ¡Un escritor y un medico!" ("My two boys...A writer and a doctor!") All the times I was out late to write in an internet cafe, she just assumed I was out drunk at a bar somewhere.

After dinner, I asked Ani if he was having any stomach problems and he said no. And he had only eaten the same food that I had eaten in the house. Weird.

I went to my room and took an Immodium, hoping that the Ibizan foam parties in my belly would soon come to an end.

If you enjoy this daily travel blog, please post a comment! Give me suggestions, send me on missions, let me know how things are going back home in the USA. Knowing that I have an audience will only force me to make this blog more entertaining as the days go by. Don´t forget to bookmark it and let a friend know!

Posted by Erik on October 28, 2003 09:41 PM
TrackBack | Category: Ecuador

elvis costello,
oh boy! diarrhea cha-cha-cha! i hope the ibiza fiestas in your stomach settle down soon. doesn't sound like much of a party for you.

sharing is caring..that photo was DISGUSTING!!! i didn't even let it load all the way. had to close the window as fast as i could. GROSS!!!

(i'm not jealous)

Posted by: elaine on October 28, 2003 10:55 PM

Yesterday we read of your faeces and today we see it!

You promissed to deliver with this blog, and boy are you bringin' it! Correct me if am wrong but did you also coin a new term? "Ass vommit!"

Posted by: Td0t on October 28, 2003 11:53 PM

i don't think that corn soup and the corn tortillas with cheese are going to help your runs. and having chinese either. nothing says greasy like chinese food.

Posted by: alice on October 29, 2003 10:43 AM

i can't bring myself to look at the picture.... sorry... but i wanted to tell you that i got my book yesterday. congrats again! i loved reading that story again. it's so cute. but i still didn't get my global trip baby tee yet. what's up with that?

Posted by: Cheryl on October 29, 2003 11:06 AM

It's good to see that someone is going through about the same thing as I am. At about the same time. I got "the package" about a month ago and have been busy planning my trip since then. I leave on November 10th.

Finding your website was ideal inspiration for a longer trip - I'd planned 6 months. We'll see where it all goes from here.

First stop for me is a month in NZ, through Asia, and then on to Africa/Middle East/whatever. Perhaps we'll meet up along the way somewhere.

Keep the good news coming - your website is great.

Jeff

Posted by: Jeff Nairn on October 29, 2003 12:07 PM

What a piece of shit!
I can totally relate to you...i crap
twice a day, and that's normal! Immodium with every meal is a good start to relieve your ailment...
that and lots of alcohol!!

Posted by: UdZ on October 29, 2003 02:00 PM

glad to hear not everyone was appaulded by my feces... put it this way... I had multiple picts from shits throughout the day, but I've spared you from them...

and yes, Td0t, I did try to coin the phrase "ass vomit"!

thanks for the props guys... the next blog entry should be more interesting, but without the all that crap (pun intended)

Posted by: Erik on October 29, 2003 06:10 PM

Erik I hope you get laid real soon, so we get to see eric sex pics rather than ass vomit. If the imodium does'nt do the job stop by cubicle in the class & I'll give you a lomotil

Posted by: navid on October 29, 2003 09:30 PM

So ERT comes online for the second time today, and I decide to chat. In media res, I'm reading a day old blog... low and behold, a toilet picture! Reminds me of when I've eaten only veggies for a couple of days. Since you say there are so many germans in Quito... I challenge you to take a picture of Herr Kraus in a speedo?

Posted by: Duaine on October 30, 2003 04:43 PM

Nice shot. :) It looks just like the Indian dish daal, which is why I have never been able to stomach it. Bleh.

I've been waiting to get hit with the Delhi Belly, but so far no rumblings from me or Ant. You'd think after 7 weeks in India, I'd have succumb at least once, but luckily not.

Keep up the poopin.

Posted by: PC on October 31, 2003 02:39 AM

ass-vomit, eh? I've always used "exploding ass" to describe the sensation. I couldn't bring myself to check the pic... I'd rather remember you in the fedora.

Posted by: Christy on November 3, 2003 04:21 PM

found your chinese, restaurant huh.......bet the name was chifa______right? 90 percent of all chinese restaurants begin with chifa, i heard u tasted the allmighty qwee (guinea pigs), the food of the gods....good man.......now u have to eat, yawarlocro......its some type of soup served with coagulated cow or pig or something blood which u put on top.........looks like red powder........ive tasted it, dont recall the taste, but did finish the soup..........if u do eat it...........take another toilet picture to see what type of fecal result that gives u Also try ornado, or yapingachos, fritada, u probably heard of that as well

Posted by: edwin on November 3, 2003 08:45 PM

oh, you're cruel! i don't know what got into me when i clicked on that link to ...ugh...! i hesitated for a while, but then i thought, "he can't possibly be that nasty", but you sure are! never again will i underestimate your ability to post nasty stuff. eeck! but hey, you got me to post a comment! i've been meaning to actually. i just had to catch up. and i still am :-)

Posted by: Gina Planas on November 7, 2003 10:46 AM

Erik - this is Mike from Quito - your ´better half´from the SA Explorer´s club! I plan on heading down to Banos this weekend - are you going to be down there? If so, where at?

Posted by: Mike on November 7, 2003 04:47 PM