By the time you read this letter (sniff, sniff, oh woe is me), I will be mad. Not the kind of mad that you assume with ...

The Louvre So, I'd only had a couple of hours sleep, I had a blinding headache, I felt somewhat sick and ravenously hungry and I had ...

Gay Paris but er, less of the gay Well, so far I hadn't encountered any of the preconceived notions of France that I had expected to ...

Back from the Brink To the cultured readers of these hallowed pages I would like to offer this little excerpt by way of apology for keeping ...

Lille, France Now Lille, in terms of size, was certainly more like it. It was my first real French city, the first real urban sprawl of my ...

Boulogne, France, Part II As I drove into the outskirts of Boulogne the sun made a welcome foray into the sky through gladly parting clouds, and ...

Boulogne, France, Part I Well, the one thing that the short and none-too-glorious drive to Boulogne afforded me (as the scenery was about as interesting as ...

Calais, France So it came to pass that after my skin-stripping exploits in 'Crepe-land' (and subsequent reflection upon my schizophrenic laughing fit) I, a disconsolate fuckwit ...

Crepes of Calais, France So, shaking my customary conspiratorial thoughts from my insinuating skull I began to whistle an off key tune and headed for the sanctity ...

The Pleasant Streets of Calais Parking my weary, peculiar noise emitting steed in a leafy back street I, in a sleep deprived daze, began to wander ...

Why Britain is Such a Weird Place The journey from my home to the southern port of Dover was both incredibly long and incredibly boring. Mile ...

Leaving Home Well, I had made my bed so I had damn well better lie in it. I had, in essence, told my boss at work to ...