AWOL Geordie - Steve’s global adventure

My life appears to be action packed at the moment but appearances can be deceptive. My current gf likes to take millions of pics which explains the amount on this post. I am pathetic at remembering my camera and when I do I barely photograph anything. This is a shame really as I have been to some fantastic places. Due to my laziness, I will have to rely on my grey matter to memorise things. Not today though. Thanks to wor lass and her amazing camera, I have loads of pics to show you. She is good at thinking of amusing things to photograph. I hope you can have a laugh at a few of the ones on this post.

Today we met some members of Zi Ting’s extended family. We then set off to watch a dance and acrobatic show. The performers were mainly from Ghana and the Philippines. The show even featured a pair of cute magician midgets! We saw examples of Spanish, Thai, Hawaiin, Maori, and Indian dancing. The belly dancing was good as the costumes were amazing. There were incredible acrobatic and fire displays too. A pretty good experience. Zi Ting even got dragged on stage to try the grass skirt Hawaiin dancing. I tried to get a pic but ballsed it up and ended up videoing the floor for a while! MMmm?

This is the kind of place wor lass works at.

Little niece. See that Chinese thing hanging on the wall in the background? Every house here has one of them with joss-sticks, two red lanterns, little glasses of rice wine and other ceremonial bits-n-bobs.

You can’t give booze t’ baby! Taiwan beer - does exactly what it says on the tin.

The Fatha, Mutha, couple of bairns and an old retard in a surgical mask. This is their little country shop. Reminds me of the Metro Centre in Gateshead.

You can see the Chinese mainland in the distance - if you squint……very hard…..with binoculars.

Catching a few rays. I love the sun and associated heat. Weather - that is one thing I definitely don’t miss from home!

The sun accenuates the fact that my left ear is still bigger than my right one! FREAK!

Demonstrating the awesome power of the Harley. Have you seen how flat the land is? Like a supermodel’s chest.

I have to admit, we’ve let the house go a bit. How much would this be worth in the UK now? I shudder to think. There was a big stinking wild dog tied up inside here! Scary passing it, just for this pointless pic!

I have fulfilled a few ambitions on this trip. Non as spectacular as this. Getting bummed off a massive redundant plastic gorilla. We drove past this in a junkyard and Zi Ting said it would be a laugh. I thought of my two old Navy mates, Smudge and Roddaz, who I’m sure will appreciate the irony of this.

What a load of ARSE!

Dance for ya Daddy my little laddy, Dance for ya Daddy when the boat comes in,

Thou shall have a fishy on tha little dishy, Thou shall have a fishy when the boat comes in.

I can see my fish! Standing right there with grey skirt and cream boots - she drives me wild! I am sure this look is the: “Steve, do you want to make love?” look. “Sure, when? now? OK but where?” WAKE UP. WAKE UP! You’ve overslept again.

Pull up a bollard and I’ll spin you a dit!

Just like Faslane, the UK’s submarine base on the Clyde. Well, apart from the sun, small oyster fishing vessels, uniform, lack of submarines, nuclear missiles, endless security checks and more importantly the presence of……..my smile!

This is Longshan Temple about 1km from the shop. These things are everywhere in southern Taiwan. You start to not notice them after a while even though they are undoubtedly huge splendid buildings. This beauty is on our doorstep and we’re blase about it - crazy really. I’ve always thought that if you want to worship something, why not do it in a dazzling place like this as opposed to our dour Western equivalents. Don’t get me wrong, Western cathedrals are still beautiful in their own bleak way but I dare anyone not to be blown away by these places. If you fail to be impressed with the startling colours and desigs of temples throughout Asia, then you need your head and eyes examined.

Just your run-of-the-mill stone lion. These things have a loose stone ball that rolls around inside the mouth. It can’t be removed so it makes you wonder how they got it in there? They must have carved the ball whilst doing the mouth! Must be tricky though!

In the US, this village would be called Oysterville. There are big piles of oyster shells everywhere.

They are a resourceful bunch. Even the garden fences are made from oysters. Can you see the loudspeaker on the pole in the background? They announce all kinds of shit on these things at all hours. As a peace and quiet loving Englishman, this can dee ya heed in a little. You want to hear the noise the rubbish van makes. They play terrible ‘musak’ very loudly to announce their arrival -oh, and they reek too!

There, finished. That was a canny shift. You just would not believe the amount of this stuff here!

They even tie them up to make………..well I don’t know why. Whaddya reckon? A lampshade?

Who needs a 200M pound yacht when you can be the skipper of your own plank of wood?

There are a lot of black faced spoonbill birds around here. They are difficult to spot so we found these tame ones that don’t move so fast.

For some reason, this pic looks like it could have been an album cover from the 60’s. Or am I talking bollicks?

We set the timer and tried to do a joint pic. Whaddya reckon? This small jetty has big rusty holes just behind the camera. It was a daring photoshoot given the difficulty of reaching the location. The whole pier could have collapsed at any moment. This added spice for me but unequivocal fear for her!

I am prone to this. Reflecting on life while witnessing another glorious sunset. This is one of nature’s great moments. It costs nothing anywhere on Earth. We should all get out and see this natural beauty more. This simple pleasure would be good for us all.

Getting the Harley ready for the journey home.

More sunset pics

I like this one but she reckons she looks fat! Tssch, women? Same all over the World!

Haha, she asked me to pull my massive muscles to highlight my skinnyness!

Be afraid, be VERY afraid. Preparing for the ‘World Strongman’ competition. The Geordie phrase ‘I’ve seen more meat on a spuggies kneecap’ springs to mind.

The last few rays of sunlight

This is cool. An African, Asian and European together. Ghana, Taiwan and England respectfully. This fella was one of the acrobats. He is fluent in Chinese. He came to the shop to buy some tabs where he was quizzed on his hair, extensively, by Zi Ting and her Mother. He can hold burning coal in his hand for ages while I could only do it for a second.

I am currently reading ‘Parsifal’ by Robert Ludlum. It is an espionage thriller about potential nuclear annihilation, the kind I love to read. My favourite ludicrous, laughable quote this time is:

“He scanned the text of both documents, as if studying the deformed appendages of an obscene, horrible thing.”

Again, class or what? This kind of writing really makes me laugh out loud - hehe. I’d love a beer with Mr Ludlum someday.

zaijian.

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