AWOL Geordie - Steve’s global adventure

Have you seen the news? Myanmar is going through some major strife. I had the feeling when I was there that something like this wasn’t far away. I remember seeing a truck-load of sorry looking prisoners chained together and guarded by machine-gun toting soldiers in Bago. I was right at the place where that Japanese photographer was shot. I stayed in a hostel spitting distance from the Sule Paya which has seen alot of the action. It is strange to see these pictures being beamed to the World as previously nobody had much of an idea about the place. I am lucky that I missed last year’s military coup in Thailand and these current revolts in Myanmar - bloody hell man!! I was right there only 2 months ago. My heart goes out to the fantastic people of Myanmar who have endured some 40 years of horrific governance while the rest of the World has done nowt. China is sitting on its arse here too. The Chinese have decided not to cover this story on their state news - funny eh?? Not wanting to cause a stir before the olympics??? Bastards. They are probably the only people that have any influence in this doomed country. But why would one dictatorship denounce another one? Especially with the favourable economic position it finds itself in regarding Myanmar. Best wishes to the people of Myanmar. Lets hope their awesome courage can drag themselves into a more favourable position.

Last weekend I went to Danshui in the North of Taiwan. It is this countries’ Whitley Bay. It was a nice day but ridiculously busy. I ate a McDs and got talking to a Japanese Jehova’s Witness in Chinese. That was odd. She was amazed that I had some knowledge of her religion. She was equally amazed that I can denounce it so easily. Strangest McDonalds I have ever had!

After the seeing the sights of Danshui I headed to central Taipei where I had a beer in a ‘Hooters’ bar. I had always wanted to visit one of these. I tried to find one in the States in 2001 but had no luck. In Hooters it is a pre-requisite for the waitresses to have big busts and look sexy in skimpy outfits. I thought this would be difficult in Asia where the lasses are not as well endowed as their Western cousins. However, they managed it no problem here in Taipei - Jeez. I only had the one beer here as I was worried I would be a drooling, letching idiot after anymore.

I then headed to a bar that supposedly plays EPL (English Premier League) FOOTBALL (not soccer). I arrived and got chatting to my first Englishman in Taiwan. Cool. He was from Kent but I was not complaining. I lapped up his stupid Southern accent like a hungry wolf. AAArrgghh, it was sooo nice to hear. I had just missed NUFC 3 v 1 The Hammers the night before - bollicks! Anyway, this English lad was great crack until he went home early (in true southern style). Nevermind though, because I was sitting for less than a minute when a crazy N Irishman plonked his arse next to me. It turns out he is from Larne. I had been there before and was also mates with a lad in the Navy from there. This guy knew the Navy boy very well. So that was it, enough of a connection to get wrecked together. I ended up staying at his house drinking whisky until who knows? I don’t think his lass was too happy.

hao le ma? Ready?

No? How do you know for sure? I know because I received my medical report back from the Hospital here in Taiwan where they have confirmed I am the healthiest individual they have ever seen. Even the jellyfish sting scars have almost vanished (almost 2 month now). I have no blood-bourne diseases. I have no Sexually Transmitted Diseases. I have nowt except a sore knee from playing football in Vietnam 6 month ago. So I am all set to be an immigrant in Taiwan. I am relieved after traveling around filthy places for over 1 year with scrapes and cuts etc. Heaven knows the things I have eaten and drank. I have even escaped malaria despite (rather stupidly) never taken precautions. I think I am lucky that mosquitoes seem to prefer other peoples’ blood to mine.

Immigrant. That’s a funny word. It raises strong emotional feelings in England when the subject regularly comes up. Even the Brit expats I have met object to “Foreigners over running our country” while they happily over run someone else’s with no effort to learn the host language or adapt to their culture. (Foreigners apparantly reluctant to adapt to our culture is a huge complaint - the hypocrisy is outstanding). Anyway, I too am now an immigrant or I will be when all the paper work eventually goes through. I promise to learn the language and adapt as best as I can to the local scene. It just makes sense. Imagine not being able to talk to 99% of the population where you live?

I am enjoying the job and the kids make me laugh alot. It is “hen hao wan” (a lot of fun). They are very cute. One kid came to school with a hat (maozi) made from the skin of a grapefruit. This is all the rage here for young kids. It reminds me of a rage in Indonesia where the local kids build bicycles with ridiculously long handle bars or frames or massive wheels. There are many odd things I have seen that I have forgotten or neglected to write about.

I am going to my new discovery in Banciao tonight. Bravo Bar. I think I will get suitably hammered as I am going to wait until my first pay cheque before hiring motorbikes etc. So this four days off work could be a write off. I am in the Shulin “Wanka” again for lack of anything better to do.

I suspect I might also be going through an African phase just now. I have recently watched two movies: “The last King of Scotland” and “Blood Diamond”. Both about the madness of life in Africa. Adi Amin in 1970’s Uganda and slave diamond mines in 1990s civil war torn Sierra Leonne respectively. Pretty horrific stuff but well worth watching.

I see Newcastle are back to normality with a defeat against the bottom club - some things never change. I see last week’s typhoon affected the Woman’s World Cup. Not that too many people would have been bothered about that.

I am thinking of going to the Philippines for 5 or 6 days towards the end of October as I feel like I deserve a break! Let’s see if the boss will let me go.

Shei zui paiulian nu ren zai yinggou? - Who is the most beautiful woman in England?

Qing wen, ji dian zuihou bashi dao Shulin? - What time is the last bus to Shulin?

Wanshan wo qu he pijiu - The neet am gaan ti get mortal.

youmeiyou da huoji? Gorra light marra?

Zaijian

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