AWOL Geordie - Steve’s global adventure

After catching a 5hr hard-seat train from Hua Hin (for 65p) we had arrived at the infamous Bangkok. Once housed and fed we headed, via the subway, to Patpong where all the fake stuff in the world seems to exist at the night market that is nestled, not so discreetly, alongside the the sleazy nightlife that is in abundance here. There is a curious mix of ’sex’ tourists and demure ‘normal’ tourists here. We headed home via tuk-tuk after spotting our first elephant in Thailand (in the middle of a massive city - eh?).

We took a passenger boat down the very choppy and very large Chao Phraya river which dissects this city and headed for Koh San Road which is a sort of decompression chamber for newly arrived Western backpackers into Asia. It is a lively place that never seems to sleep. It is also the site of the most ‘interesting’ travellers I have met this far. On arrival here I got the tattoo I had been after for 1000B. I then got drunk in a hostel that we moved into the next day for 100B per night. The people in the company here are as varied as they are interesting. In no certain order: An 30yo Irish boxer/musician, a 50yo Aussie historian looking to be an English teacher, a N Irish heroine addict (who got busted by the Thai police while I was there), a drug dealer from Manchester (who has done time in both the UK and Thailand), an old cockney geezer with 6 kids (from 6 different nations) who lives in India, a Burmese t-shirt seller, a gay Thai lad who is saving to become a ladyboy once he has shagged enough falangs to start paying for the requisite operations, a Canadian airline pilot and an old Brummie lad that has just written a book about Cambodia. Like I say, you meet all manner of live’s characters here! However, the one thing all these people seem to have in common is a self-destruct mechanism that they push to the limit. Many is the night where we have all sat and drank shit-loads of cheap Thai whiskey/beer and smoked until your lungs hurt. Needless to say I participated with schoolboy-like enthusiasm and came to the conclusion after 1 week that this place would kill you sooner rather than later.

We did do some normal things here like visit Sukhumvit Road via the Seb Sen Khlong (canal). This is Bangkok’s Regent St but also hosts some of Bangkok’s well known sleazy nightlife; namely Nana Plaza and Soi Cowboy. We strolled around Nana Plaza at dusk as everybody was preparing for the night ahead. This involved 100’s of lasses doing makeup and hair at various points within this 3 floored drinking complex while fat ugly falangs hung around boozing in anticipation. We headed back to KSR and the ‘clinic’ (our hostel’s nickname) for a drink with the lads.

We saw the Royal Palace and collected our passports from the Cambodian embassy and jumped a bus to Khorat (Udon Ratchasima) feeling like we had cheated death by escaping Bangkok alive. I got an insect bite on my lip and it swelled to the size of a small marble with the nightmarish associated pain. We watched movies in our posh room with air-con and TV while we recovered from the excesses of BKK. Next we went to Surin which is deep in Thailand’s Isaan province. Visibly poorer people live here and it follows that fewer foreigners venture out here as a result so you get a much more authentic Thai experience which suits me just fine. I am currently sitting in Surin’s seemingly only Internet cafe which is full of young local kids playing PC games. This place was packed last night so we had to wait until the bairns go to school today and it is still packed??

On Saturday we head into Cambodia and the supposedly spectacular ancient ruins the Khmers left at Angkor. 

Kao Pat Gai (Chicken fried rice in Thai)

I am sitting in an internet cafe at the Thai beach resort of Hua Hin.

We explored the jungle, beaches, tropical fruit farms and tiny fishing villages of Pulau Penang on a motorbike. We went up Penang hill on a train for stunning views of the city. We saw a massive Hindu festival where the Indian lads put spikes through their bodies - eeck! We ate Laksa at 1.5RM and other weird Asian food. We got drunk in a Sailors pub in Central Penang and then headed across the Thai border to Hat Yai in the deep South of Thailand. We went to some excellent Thai discos where we seemed to be the only foreigners.

Onwards to Krabi where the beaches of the Railay peninsula were taken in. This place is inaccessable by road so we took a long-tail boat from Krabi to East Railay and then walked to West Railay from where we took another boat to Ton Sai beach. We slept there and headed to Ao Nang the next morning. All these beaches are fantastic. They are surrounded by limestone karsts and cliffs that thrust bizarrely into the sky. Although they dwarf you they are superb for rock climbing and many people were here to do just that. As a result the place was flooded with fit muscular blokes that left you feeling a little puny. However, the downside of all this was the place was packed with ‘Falang’ (Caucasains) so prices were stupid and rooms were sold out. We got a room eventually at Ton Sai but when we got to Ao Nang - Nada. Ao Nang felt like Benidorm or something - loads of Euro package tourists who haven’t got a clue about the place. Not really my scene.

Next we headed to Phuket, the world renowned holiday island and the jewel in Thailand’s tourism crown. I was more prepared for Phuket as I knew it would be packed, overpriced and about as Thai as Cleethorpes (sunday dinners, fish n chips etc.), and it was, but we endured it for 3 nights. Again we toured the island on a motorbike and spent a night boozing at the Patong beach girlie bars where we took in a really cultural ‘pussy show’. You can imagine what that was about (Fen wanted to see it - not me).

My favourite bit of Thailand so far was 4 days on the quiet Ko Chang island near the Burmese border. We bussed from Phuket to Ranong and took a boat to the island where we stayed in a bamboo hut with no electricity. The shower was a trough where you scoop very cold water over yourself like the olden days. We walked, swam, chilled, ate and witnessed the most breathtaking sunsets every evening on this diminutive island. Sadly we left this little peice of paradise (without building a parking lot) and took the World’s slowest bus to Hua Hin.

Hua Hin is a place where Thai families come to escape Bangkok. I wanted to get a tattoo here (’Global citizen’ in Chinese characters) on my right tatooless arm but the prices were extortionate (falang prices I call them). We found a nice Thai place to eat and then proceeded to get drunk on Chang beer in the bars. Chang beer is lethal man - 6.4%. I can only handle 4 or 5 of these 640ml bottles before my speech etc. is gone. The beaches were packed with fully clothed Thai families enjoying huge picnics under massive umbrellas. Tomorrow we catch a train for Bangkok and the madness of Koh San Road. Thus, another dream of mine: to travel by land from Singapore to Bangkok up the Malay peninsula will be fulfilled.

Hoopba (Thai for shutup)