AWOL Geordie - Steve’s global adventure

I am sitting in Fen’s brother’s house posting these pics and having a beer (pi jiu) while she is out getting her hair done.

The beginning. Getting drunk with this Jakey in Aberdeen after 7 hours on the bus from Newcastle. Waiting for the Shetland ferry in the Anchor pub near the ferry terminal.

Torshavn in the Faroe Islands. Check out the grass roofs. I had a pint here.

The Arctic circle marker on Grimsey Island with the northern coast of Iceland in the background.

Dettifoss. Europe’s biggest waterfall.

Oi geezer! Another Icelandic wonder.

The azure waters of Volcano Viti’s crater lake.

You’ll not be swimming with this dolphin. This poor fella was unintentionally caught in fishing nets.

The snow-capped mountains of Iceland at about 2330 at night!

Red Square, Moscow. I can’t believe I am standing in front of the Kremlin where Breshnev and Gorbachev etc surveyed the awesome power of the communist military machine.

This woman had two bottles of beer and fish strung around her neck! She made me laugh which is unusual for a Russian.

Lake Baikal in the middle of Siberia.

The longest train journey in the World. Moscow to Vladivostock.

Ulan Bataar the capital of Mongolia. I never thought I would get here!

How good does Mongolia look?

The Gobi desert. Not much going on.

Imagine building that? China’s great wall near Beijing.

A photo point at the top.

The olympics are coming.

My mate John and I at the Temple of Heaven.

Chairman Mao’s pic at the Forbidden city across from Tianemen Square.

The bund in Shanghai.

Our taxi around Suzhou near Shanghai.

A canny hike from Shanghai to Chongqing. Two nights sleeping on here.

Jame and Ann my travel companions.

The beautiful Wu Gorge on the Yangtze.

Fen’s Mam and Dad’s house in Wuhan.

Sorting peanuts at the farm.

My bed in rural China.

A stroll through the rice paddies with a little friend and a water buffalo.

Breakfast with chopsticks.

Taking the water buffalo for a walk.

MaJiang - the incomprehensible game of dominoes.

First of all I must convey some important information I have learnt about China. Under no circumstances should you have a cut throat shave in a Chinese barber shop. I have done this twice (Beijing and Chongqing) and both times were very painful (blunt blades) and I have still had facial hair remaining! Secondly, the Yangtze is very very brown coloured. I am not sure why I thought it would be blueish but it isn’t. Thirdly, under no circumstances should you cue for anything. Melees and cue jumping are the way here (a bit like the Germans on holiday). Particularly when getting on a bus. Old women and children should not be given preferential treatment and battered out the way like anyone else. Survival of the fittest I’m afraid when boarding a bus here. Fourthly, road laws and rules can be abused at will. In fact you would look weird driving to the letter of the law here. Displays of driver courtesy should be avoided as should driving in a patient manner. Also, beeping your horn like a stupid prick for no reason is the way forward. Fifthly, if you see a WeiGouren (foreigner) it is perfectly acceptable to stare at them for ridiculously long periods. Even when the foreigner engages you in eye contact you do not need to look away. I personally either employ the stick my tongue out tactic, or wave and smile if someone is staring too much. Kids, nee bother, but adults - haway man! Sixthly, the Chinese wake up at the crack of dawn - never later than 0600, even at weekends. The only contradiction to this is my lass who can never get her lazy arse out of bed on a weekend! This all sounds a tad negative and I wish it didn’t because I really really like the place. I’m glad I have a double entry visa coz I can’t wait to come back.

Anyway, back to the trip. You know when you have lifelong beliefs dispelled? This seems to happen to me all the time and it happened again at Fen’s Uncle’s farm. I always thought peanuts grew on trees and this caused a great deal of amusement in this remote farming community about 4 hours outside of the climatic oven-city of Wuhan. My misguided belief prompted a group outing to a patch of peanut plants where I was soon to discover that peanuts actually grow underground. For our visit to the farm we had to be up at 0430 (Eh?) to catch all manners of transport to the farm. On arrival, the family lit up fire crackers to welcome us as Chinese tradition dictates (Fen tells me this is very important). I thought this was fantastic. Next we had some beautiful pork-filled dumplings for breakfast and then a walk through the rice paddies, past the water buffalo to the peanuts where we harvested some in the baking sun. We then sorted the nuts to eat (fresh peanuts are gorgeous by the way) and had a game of MaJan. The Chinese are addicted to this game and can play for hours at a time. On my first day here, Fen’s Gran, cousin, sis-in-law and Mother played it for 6 hours straight!! I must admit that having taken a little time to learn it, it is a good game (although I am crap at it)! Later we walked around the fields and watched the skinny peasant farmers carrying 50kg sacks of rice around. The intracacies of rice farming were explained and I have to say these guys work very very hard for very little financial reward. Every time I see a packet of rice in ASDA from now on I will think a little differently. I had a poo in a minging hole thing that acts as the family toilet and then a wash in a bowl of water that acts as the family shower. The water comes from a well via an electric pump. It is drinkable and very cool. We then slept in the open air on the roof of the kitchen on a bamboo bed with a insect net. I slept like a baby and enjoyed my best day of the trip so far. This was the China I had come to see. Sod Shanghai etc. I wanted to see the real people and live like them for a while. I would have liked to have worked with Fen’s Uncle for a week and lived with the family but alas, we had to leave. What struck me the most was not how little all of the people had but how much people smile. They never grumbled and were terrific hosts. I really really enjoyed the experience and thanked Fen very much for making it happen. She can’t believe it was my favourite thing so far!

The next thing of note happened this morning. At Fen’s parents where we have been staying you can pee in the house but if you need a ‘no. 2′ it is a walk to the communal crap house. This building consists of two troughs that are sectioned off into individual squatting areas by a chest height wall. However, at least two people can watch you doing your thing. Now, being the only blonde guy in Wuhan, and especially where Fen’s parents live, I am subject to much curiousity and staring. I had to have a liquid dump this morning (I cant seem to shift the runs) under the scrutiny of two Chinamen watching my discomfort. Very very strange experience.

Yesterday was a full body massage - nice. Then a ‘hotpot’ meal at a famous Wuhan eatery. Here, you get given raw meat and you cook it yourself in a pot of boiling spicy liquid that sits in the middle of the table. It was very nice but as usual too much ‘bait’ was ordered. I think alot of the people here have ‘eyes bigger than their bellies’.

Tomorrow I plan to extend my visa by 1 day since I entered at 2350 on the 23/7 and I leave at 0900 on the 22/8. That is 31 days (just) and apparantly you can be ‘detained’ for 3-10 days for overstaying your visa. I just wish the officials had waited 10 minutes before stamping my entry so I could avoid this bloody hassle. If I cant extend, I will have to go to Hong Kong prematurely to exit the country on time! Whatever happens I am not going to prison!!!!!

Or the Yangtze to you and me was my next destination. After collecting a Shanghai-Osaka ferry ticket, experiencing a nice but painful foot massage where my ailments were accurately stated from merely rubbing my tootsies, been abused by street vendors ... [Continue reading this entry]

Or 'Paris of the East' - that's what some people call Shanghai. I call it: 'The hottest place on Earth!' Hey man, this place is scalding in August. Strewth! Where's me string vest and hanky for me heed when I ... [Continue reading this entry]