The Road Not Taken

I saw a trailer for a movie a while back, an Adam Sandler movie I think it was. The concept was that this guy had the ability to fast forward his life like a VCR in order to get past the hard parts or boring bits of his life. I am sure we can all see the humorous escapades that surely ensue in the movie along with the Hollywood moral of the story type ending which no doubt tells us that life has to have hard and dull times for us to enjoy the good times. I say bollox.

I would love to be able to fast forward the shitty parts of my life. Actually, aside from the really trying times that I would have loved to be able to fast forward past, the one that immediately springs to mind is weddings. They are so predictable I often find myself counting down the minutes until a particularly steroytypical event takes place at any wedding you attend.

They all begin with the awkward hanging about at the church with everyone in their best bib and tucker. Knowing nods from ten feet away to people you vaguely know and don’t really want to know, gentle chatter as the women get their mouths in the gear for the day and the guys talk sport or swap a recent joke or two, most of which are old, not funny or both. The wedding services are all the same no matter how much the bride and groom have told you that they have shortened the ceremony for those not of a religious persuasion then it’s outside where more chatting ensues along with a cheery send off for the B&G as they settle into their open top Rolls Royce for the ten minute journey to the reception.

Now here is really where the fast forward button would come in handy. From here on until about 2am I am bored senseless waiting for everyone to let the alcohol loosen them up to the point where people will talk to you just because they haven’t spoken to you at all and wonder who the hell you are. The bad raucous dancing takes place along with the awful wedding music. There is sometimes a saving grace in the form of someone who hates the predictable nature of these events as much as you or often just a knowing glance from one of the waiters or bartenders who must hate these events more than anybody.

I have been to the odd wedding which breaks the mold and is very different and fun to attend. But they are few and far between. So forgive me when I flinch at the sight of a wedding invitation as it pops through the letterbox and lands somewhat obnoxiously on the floor in my hallway. I am glad someone is getting married but for pitys sake do I have to attend the wedding?!

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 15th, 2006 at 6:21 am and is filed under Travel. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.