Travelling the beaches of Brazil may sound like an ideal dream, hopping from town to town, sipping cold drinks and absorbing as many harmful UV rays as possible, but in actuality...well yeah, that´s pretty much it. I had informally decided to search out the best of Brazil´s beaches, and have been to some great ones in the northeast. Heading into João Pessoa, I was expecting more of the same.

As the easternmost city in South America, I felt it was my duty as a responsible traveller to visit the lighthouse on the coast. Standing there looking out towards Africa I couldn´t help but feel that I could be sitting on the beach below me drinking cold drinks and absorbing UV rays. I think I might be loosing my touch as a responsible traveller. Still, I can now say I´ve been to the southern and eastern extremes of mainland South America.

From João Pessoa, I headed a few miles south to the slightly more deserted beaches outside the city (the beaches in the city weren´t exactly packed either) which were said to be quite nice. Since it is technically winter here there are less beachgoers as I work my way down the coast, though the water is still great for swimming. Upon arriving, I discovered that more than just nice, the beaches were fantastic. From palm-fringed white sand paradises to long stretches of abandoned sand backed by fantastic multi-colored cliffs, these were the best beaches I´d yet encountered in Brazil.

In the vicinity of João Pessoa is Tambaba, the only official nudist beach in northern Brazil. I´ve never been to a nudist beach, don´t consider myself a nudist, and am not really interested in becoming one, but I felt that it was worth a peek since I was in the area. That said, no way was I going wandering about in the strong sun of South America with nothing protecting my bits and pieces except a thin layer of sunscreen.

Okay, let me explain. First of all, yes, that is a two-liter water bottle. Secondly, it appears that only the unclothed can visit the naturist (even nudists with no regard for appearances have gotten into the PC movement it seems) beaches, and I felt it was important to obtain a more complete understanding of the cultures I´d never been exposed to (snicker). My presence was purely for purposes of detached analysis of a mentality of which I had no previous understanding (tee-hee-hee, boobies and pee-pees everywhere). There was no motive to snap photos of acres of brazilians beauties sun-bathing sans clothing, and besides they don´t allow photography on the beach. In fact, another rule stated that only men accompanied by women were allowed to visit the naturist area. For a natuarally charming fellow like myself this posed no problem and after a couple of hours lounging around the entrance to the beach and begging I wandered off secure in this knowledge, even if I had no actual proof. As I was leaving I happened to run into some ladies I´d previously met in Natal, and a couple of them were interested in talking a walk on the wild side, so I asked to come along. One of them was a fantastically gorgeous french woman and the other an older Uruguayan woman. Under the brunt of my irresistible charm, they agreed as long as I left them alone as soon as we got inside and stopped leering at them suggestively and licking my lips. Oh yeah, like putty in my hands.

I didn´t think this through to well, and will pass on my hard earned wisdom to any who care to listen. If you are visiting a nude beach for the first time, you may want to consider not doing so with fantastically gorgeous women. Tremendous mental concentration is required and images of Janet Reno being amorous with Jimmy Durante must be ready when the sunscreen comes out. Nonetheless, it is a unique and memorable experience. Also, use an SPF 3,000 unless you have previous sun exposure down below.

I am unable to sit down for a couple of days now, but I wouldn´t trade a minute of it. As soon as I can manage a bus, it´s on south.