Have I mentioned recently how much I love this damn little motor scooter?! I do, I really do.

The day before yesterday, I left Amed with the intention of taking the long way around to my next destination, Pedang Bai, via the most holy temple on the island. That in itself was to be a long enough ride, but through some of the most attractive backroads around. Well, I made it to Panar Bisakeh in no time flat, where I allowed myself (stupid ass that I am) to be taken in by not one, but TWO tourist schemes. Not bothering to read the guidebook for this area - because I don't need the damn guidebook - I was duped into purchasing a sarong and sash as well as hire a aguide, both under the pretense that such was de riguer at this temple, being the most holy, and all that rot. Turns out, usually, the sarong and sash are lent for a donation, and the guides are simply vultures. Not really caring about either, given the low relative value to me versus them of my money, I bought a lovely sarong in which I look simply divine, and hired a guide for enough money to feed his family for a week: win/win.
The day pushing on, and the rain likely to come in, I hauled ass down the mountain to Pedang bai, only to find that it is a miserable little hole, unworthy of my patronage, being no more than a transport hub for the island bound boats. So, I pushed on to Candi Dasa: another dismal stretch of shiite. A tourist resort that sprang forth far too quickly in the late 80s, Candi Dasa demolished its reefs to make concrete for the new hotels, thereby ruining the potential for local diving, as well as removing the only natural barrier to erosion. As a result, there are no more beaches, except the makeshift ones which have bebun to form behind the new sea walls, hence, not much reason to stay. DUMMIES! Nonetheless, some folks find that it is a nice respite from the mayhem of Kuta, so they choose to do their drinking there. At least they haven't found Amed.

Well, now that I had been riding for five hours, and had yet to find a place to suit me, I decided to high tail it back over to Ubud: lovely Ubud. Two hours and two sunburned-back-of-the-hands later, I made it back to Hai Homestay where I quickly fell back in with Manku, who promptly served me up a hot kpoi bali. Good ol' Manku. I have since do little other than read, eat, and wander the markets. I may even buy some decorative junk for the future home, though I will have to see about shipping charges first.

Anyway, today I took a day trip back up into the mountains to see the impressive Panar Ulun Bakan (sp?), a majestic temple situated on the shores of a volcanic crater lake. Lovely up there: so much cooler than down on the plains: 6,000 feet'll do that.
Wanting to get back to Ubud before the afternoon rains, I rocketed down the mountain in pursuit of a Balinese Evil Canevil - in retrospect not the brightest of ideas given road conditions here. What a hoot... pushing that little motor to the limit, hair on fire, lungs full of exhaust: glorious.

I've gotta buy a motor bike when I get home. I can't believe that this is the first time I've ridden one. WHAT THE HELL?! You know, I've even been thinking about setting up a little import business for these oh so sauve scooters... there could be a big market for them... then again: maybe not.
Oh, I forgot to mention, that I have now officially been initiated as a local master motorcyclist. I got clipped twice on the road the other day - once by a truck, once by a car - and narrowly averted a 2-car-10-scooter-pile-up-to-be. fucking hell, these people are crazy. The official rules of the road are: "you are responsible for anything pops out in front of you: for any reason, at any time". ABSURD, but you get used to it. Besides, by constantly blaring one;s little scooter horn, one can alert any potential motorists of one's presence and intentions (whatever they may be). Ggood Fun!

Last thing....
Regarding the title of this post, see the following picture. I wish that I had stopped more frequently to photograph the cornucopia of outlandish signs that I have encountered everywhere. All well... I will try to be more diligent.

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As they say in Bangkok: "sawat-dee CRAP"!