Living on an island is paradise. Well sort of. Here are a couple of instances that have popped up recently.

My baby got sick. Steve, baby, huh? Okay, no “baby”, but my only other major responsibility in my life, my car. Just randomly, and I am only saying randomly because it is only an object, an object that wouldn’t act like a soon to be ex-girlfriend that is about to be dumped, but for some reason the month that I am going to sell the “object,” it decides to retaliate and up pops a check engine warning light. Simple to resolve thinks the main lander. Now opening up the phone book and scanning the fifteen plus ads for auto repair finds none able to work on BMWs. For some odd reason, BMW expects you to bring your car to an authorized service center. So checking the internet I find the closest available location is Puerto Rico. Great.... Now we flip through the yellow pages again to see how I am going to float this “piece of ...” to Puerto Rico. I’m in luck, there are four shipping companies that can do it. Now the not so good. $1200, 900, 750, and 600 shipping costs round trip. Ahhhhh.... Wait, it gets worse. The rep lets me know that since I am shipping out of the VI I have to pay taxes on the vehicles estimated value. Freaking great.

I have been reading a lot lately preparing for my trip. One of the common threads is the multiple uses for duct tape. The recommendation is to wrap a pencil with the gray sticky stuff and use it to repair shoes, backpacks, hang mosquito nets, seal a open wound, etc. Well, I have a new use. Cut a small one inch square piece and gently place it over any glowing symbols on instrument panel
of your car. There you go problem solved. Since I am diligently working on becoming a “new” Steve, I am going to have to send “baby” on a cruise to Puerto Rico. So instead of a 15 minute ride to the neighborhood shop, I get to drop $600 for the cruise, $250 for me to fly over there, $150 a night for a hotel (Puerto Rico is a bigger rip off that any island that I have seen.) God knows how much the taxes are going to be, and then pick up the tab for whatever is wrong. Ouch!!!

Now that is only one issue that islanders have to deal with. For a better idea, multiply that by anything that you can’t purchase at Kmart or Officemax and feel the pain. Just pray for dear life that you don’t get sick with anything beyond the flu.

There is one distinct difference between the different islands that I have been comparing. For some odd reason, The “US” VI is not considered the US whenever you want to do any type of banking or credit card purchases. Just try to order something via the net, because face it you cannot survive on Kmart alone. We are considered a territory and therefore a foreign country. We are not on the option on the little state pull down menu. Very few places will ship to the VI and when they do its at our cost. Even when you do find a company that will accept your order, when you try to type in your credit card info, surprise surprise, foreign based credit cards are rejected. Screwed. Luckily, I have a credit card that I did not change the mailing address so I use that card and then ship the stuff to my friends address stateside. He then takes time out of his day to stand in line at the post office and mails the packages to me. Island life.........

Want more, I have not been cold in five years. Huh. Yea, cold. You know, put on a jacket, see your breath, cold. It’s either warm or hot. Now in small to medium doses that is fine, but five years without a shiver. Makes me want to get the flu so I can get the chills. Now for those people that are covered in snow you probably are not going to understand the pain. All I can relate it to is that I used to be an avid snowboarder. I just waited for those winter storms to hit looking for the fresh powder. It was heaven. Now even though it was so awesome, after a couple of months of the same thing, it would get pretty old.

I think I’ll stop now. Looking at it from the outsiders point of view, I think there are some people who are going to be a little agitated about me complaining about paradise. I guess it could be worse, I could be in Kansas.

Oh by the way, anybody wanna buy a car. What? That gray stuff? Thats speed tape, it comes from the factory that way.