BootsnAll Travel Network



The Monkey Mind….

Chaiya…a small town south of Bangkok is a place which gets quite a number of “farang’s” who are interested in learning meditation and I was about to become one of them. Coming out of the non descriptive station I was met by fellow insight seekers who had that look on their face..do we know where we are going? Do you have you been here before…ah too many questions. An instant bond was created and of course the most common questions where…what’s your name and where are you from? Now, I finally figured out that I was going to be called by my nickname on this trip so..Madhu it was…now where you are from has started to become a little bit more complicated…so I say originally from India but living in SF. Then invariably these experienced travellers go where in India are you from? and then I have to say oh! I was born in the south and was raised in Delhi and Goa and then a whole chapter of travelling in India starts…these people have been everywhere and have to say I feel a bit annoyed about their experience..in a nice way…no more envy! (its bad for you). The identity crisis was begining to surface…but 10 days of silent retreat I was hoping some of these questions can be answered..who are you? and where are you going? but I think a life is not enough for these. I came away with 3 things….strive with patience, live in the present moment and try to live a moderate “middle” life without extremes. These are buddhist philosophies but mine with a twist of lime.


So let me set the scene for you guys. Wat Saunmmok….a forest monestary was going to be home for the coming 10 days. http://www.suanmokkh.org/ret/ret-sm1.htm. About a year ago, I had done a mediation course and thought I was prepared.How wrong I was! will tell you more…but first let me set up the scene. At the start we were given orientation and asked to read all the instructions and after a brief interview we were given keys to our rooms. We surrendered our passports and other valuables..and any books, camera’s etc. There would be no reading ( except for material given by them), no photographs, no journal writting and no music and NO TALKING…now now..be nice I did not talk at all…okay except for the 10th day when I had to..to see where I was going next and whether Anna my German buddy in pain was doing the same.

A room 8×10 with a concrete slab awaited us with a mat and “wooden pillow” (my quest for a perfect pillow may have come to an end). There was a mosquito net and a small water tank for showers.

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So here was the routine we followed…

4.00 am …rise and shine
4.30 am …morning reading
5.15-7.00…yoga
7.00-8.00…meditation instruction
8.30-10.00…breakfast, chores and free time ( there were sulphur hot springs that we could use during our free time which proved to be the only luxury apart from my red silk pajamas)
10.00-12.30… mediation instruction and Dhamma talk by Nuns and Monks
Lunch and then chores and free time till 2.30
2.30-6.00- Talks, instruction etc and practise time
6.00-7.30…tea and free time
( this was the last meal for the day….we had only 2 square meals and have to say so far nothing comes close to those meals)
7.30-9.00…meditation practise

Lights out at 9.30….

ahhh..electricity was available only from 4.00am to 4.30am and then 6.00pm tp 9.30pm..in the end we did’nt even use it as we tried to use candles.In the beginning you panic a little as usually you might eat less then 2 square meals but the fact that here you don’t have a choice makes you feel imprissoned by the restrictions. Its about giving up this choice which concerns us all..here that thinking is taken away from us so that we can concentrate on our primary duty which is to learn to meditate.

We had to maintain silence with all the other participants who were divided into “Men” on the right side and “Women” on the left…we sat separate, ate separately and we had different dorms. It felt a bit like school again..at least in Goa when I came the Boys and Girls did not talk to each other..Weird..it reminded me of that. Had to say the guys were breaking silence more than us girls…we were pretty good. We could smile..which made a whole lot of difference as people actaully become very very serious while meditating…I did too! you could be transported to a world of your own…sometimes smiles could be distracting..but most of the times we understood what the other was going through..hopefully.Most of the time I felt as if I was the only totally lost but nah I found out later we were all in the same boat.

I have to say these 10 (plus 2 days considering the day before and after) were the easiest “hardest” thing I have done in my life. Apart from physical discomfort of sleeping on the concrete slab with a wooden pillow only for couple hours a night one cannot externalise any of the thoughts which come to mind..you cannot write or speak. The mind jumps from one end to the other…past, present and future. The final aim of meditation is to have “NO” thoughts but for us novices we knew we were no where close to that. Sitting down for hours or meditating while standing or walking is my opinion is lifetime practice and what we touched was only the surface.

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The Nuns and Monks called it ….”The Monkey Mind”..which if not trained can be jummping all over the place. I recalled conversations I had in grade school, past present and a hopeful future all flashed at the same time. Every word, action then connected to something from the past and the mind just would not sit still. Once, I was in the restroom and accidently somebody shut the light off and to have my presence known I said “hello” and that word led me to remember my swim coach when I was kid in Delhi who said “hello” in 100 different ways …for him the hello’s were like conversations…in the end we also knew what they meant..some meant Hi, the others you are late, some okay jump now..etc etc. I remembered how he did’nt pay attention to us swanky pre teen kids and was obviously interested in the medical students who were more endowed! Bastard. Next time you ask me why I don’t know how to do the backstroke you will know what the reason was.

Its tough to train the mind and they all were giving us lessons in how to do this…Mindfullness..was the pet word that everybody used and it meant more than just patience..it meant to do every task with awareness and with concentration. I won’t go into the details of the Buddhist doctrines as we barely touched the surface and I have more questions than I had before. There were things that I don’t understand and some that I did’nt agree with..maybe I don’t have the understanding of comprehending..I felt like a simpleton who was embedded in the matrix of life so deeply that I would not have the courage to let go of the attachments etc.

Visions of my childhood came across…the simple times in our village during summers…the questions I had as a child about untouchability. I feel so grateful that my parents did not discriminate and we had somebody working in our house who was from the “Harijan” or the untouchable class. Jaggu..was her name and I still remember her vividly…then she had a daughter-in-law who sometimes filled in for her….a new bride. I remember that our next door neighbours did not eat or drink anything in our place because she worked there. Their loss!! But it was not the case in the village where I guess certain folks could enter the house and some could not..but then it was my grandparents house and their rules which we had to abide by…actaully these were rules written down mentally and neither side seemed to want to cross them…things have changed now…at least in the cities and even in the villages to some extent.

There is so much which went on in my head but since I could not put it on paper I remember very few details. I felt all the emotions of anger, jealousy, envy, gluttony (the food was really good and I would secretly hope I could get seconds). I was sometimes amazed at the people around me..some seemed to fit in so well. They had on their spiritual clothes as I called them..and I was bumming around in my REI ones…they had their incense and candles and I had my torch ( eventually I got incense too! I wanted to fit in).

The Monkey mind is still active as I don’t think I have written in any order….but am sure you get an idea of what the experience was like. It was not radical for me but I think the effects are somewhat slower..I have a feeling that my desire to travel and keep moving kept me from staying still..but then when has this mind of mine ever stayed in the moment…maybe some day in the future it will.



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One response to “The Monkey Mind….”

  1. Sameer says:

    Wow, Madhu I should say the whole trip log is so beautifully written…. knew you had good writing skills but never knew it was so good… is this another arundhati roy in the making??? probably that could be the THING you are searching for….. I started reading this at a lunch hour on a very stressful day at work and was transported into another world. I can relate to your backpacking adevntures cause it reminded me of my 35 day jaunt in the Himalayas and I think such experiences one can never forget in a lifetime…. I was laughing my guts off when I read about the gurudawara and how you remembered most of us hostelites would end up being there at the end of the month…..

    Anyway wishing you great luck on your future endeavors and keep us posted. Its great to read about your journey…..

    Cheers