so I went to Mexico with 3 papers yet to finish for school and the absolute conviction that the grass was greener there. G picked me up at the airport and we drove straight to Valle de Bravo. Once I got to her house I hardly left it for the next week, painting and making curtains, and enjoying my free time to dabble in home improvement related activities. I didn't see much of G and asked myself if I shouldn't be hanging out in hostels and discovering new magical lands - not that I lifted much of a finger.
It really is interesting to me how a travel experience changes once you have a certain famliarity with the place you are travelling to. If a year ago I was in the backpacking mindset, boldly going to where at least I had never been before, this trip was turning into a much slower, internal journey. I spent much of my time in Valle de Bravo putzing, thinking, debating with myself on such things as my future, my past, and everything inbetween. I am writing about this experience so much later, because it was an experience that had a lot more to do with exploring myself than with exploring the country...and what blog reader wants to hear about that...or more accurately... why would I want to share this with people I have never met in an internet blog? So. I will write about those few little trips I took that in fact did show me something new about Mexico, or would seem like a travel enthusiast might be able to relate to.
G and I hit the road for two major excursions during my 6 week visit. 2 weeks to the coast of Nayarit, and a four day trip to Queretaro and Guanujato.

Part of my rich gift loot at Christmas was funding for a ticket to Mexico. I was holding a ticket in my hand that leaves for Mexico City on February 23rd - and now all I had to do was make it through the semester without any major problems, and I would be able to brush off the stress with yet another trip. I am one lucky fucker. Well. The semester went by relatively well. I met some poeple, my classes became mildly interesting, and I would venture to say I may actually have learned something. I also managed to make a couple of social connections outside of school, and found another job as a crepe baker at street parties and festivals. I had my first go at it during the carnaval procession - it was fun but not too busy. The Germans try, but we don't really have what it takes to put on a serious carnaval party. Brazilians would shake their heads and wonder what all those stiffs were doing sitting still and straight on the benches on the floats, throwing the occasional bon bon. So, when I get back from my break, I hope to work weekends at the crepe stand and weeknights teaching English to cute little kids. Not a bad plan in my eyes - a good use of my diverse skills :o)
About two weeks ago I got some great news. My brother and his wife are having a baby! I am finally going to be an honest to goodness real aunt. Not that I don't allready have nephews and nieces by proxy to Rebecca for all these years - shout out to Ethan, Liam, Gavin, Emma and Anne! These are the kind of relationships with children that I really treasure - it's so many of the perks of parenthood, without actually having to give birth...and when you get tired, you can give them back. I have been spending a lot of time with my brother, but even more so with his wife, and allthough we are nothing alike, I must give her props. She is a strong woman, and has done a lot for me since I got here - probably more effort than any of my other family members. Anyway. I am tickled and will be looking forward to observing this process from up close. I am happy now, to be home to watch this all happen.
I am also becoming slowly more aquainted with my town and neighborhood. I have started to check out the little neighborhood cafes and bars, and spend a lot of time traversing the city. The other day, I took an insider tour of the Bundestag with a classmate who is a representative assistant there. The public can go to the Reichstag and climb up into the dome to catch a view of parliament and an awesome view of the city, but generally, there are no tours on the inside - at least none that you can just book at the entrance. I really had a good time strolling through one of the grand architectual novelties/historical sights in Berlin. We sat in one of the plenary rooms and enthusiastically seconded imaginary motions through the cute little microphones at the seats. We watched the crowd circle through the dome above our heads, and had a cup of coffee in the representative's office at my classmate's (whose name shall remain a secret since he's not supposed to give tours) desk. Our secrest guide was well versed in the history and intricacies of the building and peppered his little speeches with factoids from history, politics, art and architecture. Good job - I had fun. And... with so much gleaming glass surface involved in the modern architecture I could not suppress the images in my head of me taking a stick of butter to the walls and running with it! I would have had an army of fuming janitors after me within seconds, I bet.
On February 17th was my last day of school. I still have some things to finish, but it seems manageable. I found a couple of Australians who will watch my apartment for me, but more importantly, hopefully take good care of my cat while I'm gone. I don't know them well, but I am praying that they are charming, clean and cat loving folks. They make a decent first impression. Next semester is pretty much mapped out on paper, and it promises to be interesting - lots of pedagogy classes - just two main seminars.
Well. That's all the catch up I will play. I leave for Mexico the day after tomorrow and will be back on April 11th - just in time for the second day of school. I have been a little on edge the last couple of days, and am hoping that this trip will both relax and inspre me in some way. Out of the grey snow, and into the bright blue sunshiny sky.

I have always like coming home for Christmas - and I always like to have guests. This Christmas was the second that Rebecca would spend with my family, and I was nervous for us, but happy for me to know she would be coming. She briefly touched down in Berlin for a couple of days in early December before going a two week adventure in Budapest, which I was endlessly envious of. On the 23rd she came back, and we had a lovely Christmas time - with a few awkward emotional moments thrown in. Christmas eve at my father's house is a treat for me. The food is fantastic, the presents are great, and everyone is in a good mood. The week went by with lots of chocolate, and a little bouncing around the sights. We decided that we were going to try to spend New Years with our friend Julia, whom we met while she was dating my best friend Luka. She had stayed with us for a couple of weeks about a year and a half ago, and it turned out she couldn't wait to return the favor. We made a date to stay in Hamburg for two nights, and rock into the New Year together. It was a good change of scenery, and New Years eve was a rockin' party that involved being rather sloshed and crashing a party across the street from the women's bar. Julia was a great host the next day as well, and showered us with warmth, affection and good vibes. We needed it.
After we got back to Berlin, Rebecca hopped on a flight to Paris to explore the city for a few days, and to take a break from a complicated visit. I went back to school and made an attempt to buckle down, though I can't claim I was all that successful. When R. got back, we spent another three days together, and I appreciated her company intensely, knowing it would be a while before I saw her again. It remains to be seen what this visit did for our process - but it was enlightening in some ways I suppose. Sigh.

Being back in my hometown on a more longterm basis after 12 years away has given me the strange perspective of half-native-half-tourist. Guiding Georgina through the tourist hotspots of Unter den Linden, Potsdam, Ku-Damm, Potsdamer Platz, Bergmannstrasse, etc etc... made me quite aware of the fact that I had not much of an insider perspective. I didn't know which fleamarket was the best, I didn't know the good cheap restaurants in the neighborhood, I got lost a lot. It was actually pretty fun, but now that I have been back longer I keep finding little places I wish I had known about then! And anyway, G. and I ended up spending a lot of time on the road. About a week after she'd gotten here, we got a ride to Prague with a nice Italian man and his boyfriend through the rideshare system and spent four days touring the town. I had been to Prague in October of 2002, so I didn't see a lot of new sights. I think Prague is one of those towns that has a tourist identity - I mean a level of experience designed for people who are transient. Even in the off season, Prague is flooded by visitors, and the industry suporting these visitors had grown exponentially even since my last visit only 2 years ago. To me it is still among the top 3 most beautiful cities in Europe - and I enjoyed being there, even if I slowly can't afford it anymore. While Berlin can be pretty depressing when it's cold and grey, Prague somehow manages to make the weather its own and lend even the greyest day an aspect of beauty and mystery. Walking across Karl's Bridge and drinking a bottle of wine while strolling the dark castle alleyways will always remain an inexpensive thrill. (They can't start charging admission to the castle grounds, can they?)
After returning to Berlin I started classes at the FU. There was a lot to be done in the whole re-entry process and somehow this stress reflected in my mood. Remedy to stress and too much work? Roadtrip! The following Friday I rented a car and G. and I drove through the night to Brussels where we would be staying with a friends of hers - Michelle ( I think.) Michelle is quite a character - I would guess her to be in her fifites. She is a little highstrung, and also somewhat flaky, which is a dangerous combination when it causes a person to lose sight of something and then immediately panic about 20 times a day. I don't want to overemphasize this though, since she was a truly graceful and attentive host. She took us around on bikes to see the town, introduced us to her children and grandchildren, told us lots of interesting stories about her hometown, and we enjoyed ourselves. My stress was starting to fade. On our third day we joined Michelle and a family of visitors also from Mexico on a daytrip to Brugges. I wasn't aware of Brugge as a tourist hotspot, but it really worth the time. It's small and beautiful and what the tourist catalogs would describe as "charming". We got into town a little later than we intended and spent a good hour just parking. By 2 pm G. and I managed to lose the crowd and strolled through town to see what sight we could take in in 5 hours. We didn't do much, since everything closed at 5, but it was a nice whetting of the apetite for future visits.

After returning to Brussels and spending the night, we got back into the little rental that could and hit the road to Gent to visit my friends Lisa and Els who had moved to Belgium from Portland three weeks prior. Els was on a similar visa as I and decided to stop battling the authorities for the right to stay. They had gotten married in Portland in Spring and were now beginning their new life in a new country. Lisa had a few things to say about her culture shock as an American living in Gent, as did Els about the shock of returning home after time away. We all agreed that we had somehow not expected to find western Europe to be as overly sexist as it is. I remember being remotely aware of this fact as a teenager, but had blocked it out or something. It seems that in the USA, this issue is more loudly dealt with and not considered a state that should continue in general - while here it appears to be one of those issues that is pushed aside as "whining". Well. It was good to see them, and we had a long cup of coffee and lunch catching up. After lunch, G. and I were back on our way to Amsterdam. I really like to drive - especially in areas that I have never seen. I'm gazing at out at the countryside, guiding my own tour.
We got into Amsterdam around 8pm and found a little christian hostel I had heard about from Rebecca who stayed there once on a trip with her friend Mari. It is the cheapest bed in Amsterdam if you're not staying with friends, and really very clean and friendly. I enjoyed being invited to prayer group by the receptionist, allthough I did not intend to take advantage of it. I'm such a heathen - and what visitor can resist being a little hedonistic in Amsterdam? I don't know any. Just the Dutch can - I suppose everything gets old after a while :o). The shelter Jordan is in the Jordan district - one of the prettiest of downtown Amsterdam. After running around town that night, we went to the Van Gogh museum, considered the Anne Frank house but passed after seeing the line, and met an old friend of a friend's of G.'s for Belgian beer and Dutch fried food at a beautiful cafe - old school Amsterdam.
G. and I agreed on a tour of the red light district that evening. I can't seem to get comfortable there, which I suppose is probably a good thing. It is such a strange mix of fantasy and reality - and I can't but think of those two qualities as a precarious combination. In that kind of space I get jumpy and start walking too fast... We had to leave for Berlin early the next day so that I could start a job I had found the week before. Again a visit that left me wanting more time to explore that town. Amsterdam is also among my top 3 most beautiful cities - likely to do with the canals. Water running through a city transforms the feeling of the town in my opinion... opens it up in a way. Amsterdam sure is open.

We got into Berlin a quick 6 hours later, I returned the car and went to work. I had seen a sign posted in the English department by parents who wanted someone to teach their little 3 year old girl English through play. I had met them the week before and we had agreed to do 2 hours per week on Tuesday afternoons. It did not seem like much of a job, but it was a lucky break to start with. Selina is the little girl, and she is great. Since I started this job, her friend Philip and his friend Oscar, two little four year old boys, have joined the mix, and our Tuesday afternoons are fun and rambunctious. Phillip's 7 year old sister got jealous and wanted English lessons for herself and her friend too, and now there are two sessions. It's fun, and the kids are interesting. I make enough money to pay for groceries on a weekly basis.

G. left the next week, which left me feeling blue- and I had to get busy going to school for a little while. I have classes Monday through Thursday with quite a few breaks inbetween. Going to University in Germany sure is different but same. I expected the work to be harder, the courses more rigorous - but that hasn't really materialized. The system makes your education your responsibility in a much more complete way than in the States. Most of the courses I attend don't require me to produce an actual result like an essay or a passed exam. I simply claim I was there on a little piece of paper fill out every semester. There are a few core courses I have to pass with a paper or exam - but over 4 semesters, that's like 30% of the courses I take. Then, unlike in the States there's an very exensive exam at the end of my course of study that requires me to reproduce everything I have learned over the past years in writing, orally and in practice. Not quite what I was used to. It is both liberating and stressful. Stressful in part because nobody holds your hand to tell you when you need to file such and such application, take such and such pre-requisite or do such and such praktikum. And since the University is currently in the process of reforming its entire system to coincide with a European educational norm, sometimes there is noone who could tell you those things. I am asking lots of questions to prevent some kind of sudden two year waiting period or something.

The month of November went by with a struggle. It was a little bit lonely and I felt like a had a million things to do, but no motivation to do them. I was just hanging on til Christmas, when I would have my next visitor to distract me, while procrastinating my school work. But I made some headway as well. I found a few friends, reconnected with a few old ones and got out of the house a little.

When I arrived in Berlin, I had only a vague outline of a plan. Get an apartment, register for classes, get a job, survive. My father pledged his support of my graduate studies by basically volunteering to finance my basic needs for shelter, heat and internet access. All I had to do is get a job that would allow me to regularly purchase food, soap and catlitter, possible the occasional beer or movie ticket. Now, at 31 years old, it seems a little odd that I should have my father pay my rent. There is a little voice in my head whispering to me: "what kind of loser are you, that you need daddy to hold you up instead of standing on your own two feet?" Then there's another voice saying - "you are being offered a priviledge that few people in the world enjoy - take it and make the most of it!" For lack of a better alternative I have decided to drown out voice number one, until I can get a job that pays enough to make both voices disappear.

This blog will be somewhat of a continuation of my last travel blog : might as well.... which traced a three month trip through Mexico and Belize that began almost a year ago. Since then, life has changed drastically, and I am now ready to return, not only to Mexico, but also to blogging about my travels.

I leave for Mexico on February 23rd and will stay for 6 weeks this time. Six weeks has come to seem like a short time to be travelling these days, allthough when I was working a full time job in Portland, it seemed like an impossible eternity. Either way, I hope this next journey will shed some light on to what I am going to do with my life over the next few years.

So, since I have some time before I get going, I will spend the next few entries trying to create a short and readable summary of the massive chaos, confusion and transition that have marked the last 7 months. To begin where the last blog left off......

When I returned to Portland after my last trip, my comfy little life there had allready begun its disassembly process. It was the middle of June and I was scheduled to return to Berlin, my hometown, to begin graduate school in September. Originally, my partner of 7 years, Rebecca, had planned to join me - we were going to get married and continue our cheery little domestic life. However, during the three months I was gone a lot of things changed for the both of us - and in the end she stayed in Portland, and we ended our relationship. This made the next 2 months which I spent in Portland, preparing for my move and saying goodbye to my life, pretty much a nightmare. From where I stand now it's hard to believe we made it through that time without tearing each other's heads off, but we somehow managed to be incredibly adult aout the whole thing and muddled our way through.

On September 2nd 2004, my cat Maya and I got on a plane and said hello to the next episode in our lives - living in Berlin for a while.

It seems I am destined to spend at least one month of every Spring in Mexico. This is the third time around, and the experience keeps changing.