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at the table (aka the good, the bad and the ugly)

Monday, January 4th, 2010

Auckland, New Zealand

As predicted, the trip’s influence is infiltrating our kitchen.

We bought oats, but have not yet made our traditional morning porridge. In the mornings we’ve been too busy banging boiled eggs together to find the winner with the unbroken egg as we learnt to do in Moscow….


(Moscow Memories)

we’ve been chopsticking our way through chicken soup with noodles….

we’ve been slurping sago cooked in coconut milk, and even proving television advertising is true: Kiwi-kids-are-Weetbix-kids (who knows if this ad, which used to run years ago, is still on…..can’t say we’ve bothered turning the tv on to find out).

And that’s just breakfast time.
At dinnertime we’ve been devouring salads and relishing lasagne, which reminded us of the one and only lasagne on the trip – a wonderful one we made whilst couchsurfing in Hanoi. We’ve had one of the kids’ favourites – nachos. Soon we’ll be tucking into a roast lamb with roast potatoes, pumpkin, kumara, carrots and some red cabbage (and we’ll remember how the Romanians also eat lamb, especially at Easter, and how they cannot get their heads around the idea of teaming it with mint jelly).

But the focus of mealtimes has not simply been the food.
You see, all the not-sitting-together-as-a-family-for-meals (whether because there were not tables big enough for us, or because we were sprawling round on the ground outside the motorhomes or for whatever other random but frequent reason) has meant that the concept of table manners has disappeared from our family identity.
Children need to be re-taught to stay at the table until everyone has finished eating, they need to be taught to leave their cutlery alone until it’s time to eat, they need to be taught that it’s rude for everyone to speak at once, they need to learn to listen, they need to be reminded that we are now in New Zealand – we are not in China and so we will not slurp our soup – we are not in Vietnam and therefore we will not be throwing our bones on the floor (Tgirl5 liked that cultural practice <wink>) – we are not in Mongolia and so we will not be licking our bowl clean – we are not in Poland and so we will not be having delicious desserts at every meal. Now that we are no longer sharing cutlery and glasses, they need to learn that we set the table with one of everything for each person – and that dinner plates and bread-n-butter plates have a purpose (no need to use only tin bowls for every meal) – and that when you’ve finished eating you don’t leave your knife looking like it’s about to invade the next country on your itinerary. Tablecloth and napkin etiquette is a long way off.

meaningful

Friday, January 1st, 2010

Auckland, New Zealand

It was a meaningful conversation. It was with an older lady, who has been unable to work in paid employment for fifteen years. When she suffered her accident she was still only middle-aged, and expecting to work for a good many more years in a job she thoroughly enjoyed and had been doing since her youth. While she may not have drawn another pay cheque since that fateful day, and while she may not have returned to her regular place of employment – or any other for that matter – she has still had work to do. She has had the work of recovery, the work of bearing pain, the work of finding a new role in her community. And you know what? There are people who say to her, and others who insinuate it, that she does not contribute meaningfully to society. Hearing this reminded me of our situation. When we had our fifth child and made public the decision to educate the children at home (the eldest had just turned six and was now required by law to attend school), a dear friend remarked something along the lines of, “I’ll be watching with interest what you do with your life after the kids. You had such potential. You had so much to give.”

It would seem if you are not earning a wage and not in a recognised workplace, the work you do remains unrecognised and perhaps worthless. In our situation we were even accused of choosing the selfish option – refusing to put our children in school meant I would impact far fewer children in my lifetime, not being able to teach someone else’s kids all day if I was with my own. But is economies of scale the best or even *only* measure? In reality, I couldn’t do what I believe about education in a classroom, and I fear I am inadequate to the task of taking on the whole system singlehandedly. Is it really selfish to keep our children out of the cookie-cutter-moulds, to proactively create a rewarding family life, to spend time producing organic food, to practise hospitality, to provide a model of educating myself (I have learnt more in the last decade than any of my university certificates prove in spite of none of this knowledge being “accredited”)….disclaimer: we have plenty of friends who are completely happy sending their children to school and manage to create a fantastic family environment too, so I am not saying Thou Shalt Live Your Life As We Live Ours in order to be successful…..

Dare I generalise?
In richer places (and that obviously includes New Zealand) retirement for most means the end of work. This is generally accepted and remains unquestioned across the breadth of society. But I believe it is because we have such a narrow view of work. Work must equate to income. If we could recognise that providing friendship, taking a meal to the sick, picking flowers for a neighbour, reading aloud to a blind man, cleaning out gutters, raking up leaves and writing a letter was work, we might realise that pensioners DO contribute to their communities. And young mothers at home do and the disabled do, to name but a few more.

As for the lady who sparked my line of thought, she is available to meet people in need, to be a listening ear to those who are grieving and suffering in their own lives. She may not do it in an office, she certainly doesn’t get paid for it, but is it not a meaningful contribution to society? Just ask the people she has listened to.

PS For lunch on our Romanian potato bread we had a trip-inspired Jgirl15-cooked concoction: eggplant, onions, loads of garlic crushed in our brought-home-from-Romania-garlic press,  a bowlful of tomatoes and then some more, pepper and salt all cooked up into a spreadable mush. No pictures though coz we’re out of the travelling habit of constantly using the camera.

mixed emotions

Thursday, December 31st, 2009
Auckland, New Zealand

What we like about being home… * books * space * having Grandpa with us again * “it has a homely feel to it, which I like” ~ Kgirl10  * toys and bikes * English * friends * proper ... [Continue reading this entry]

surreal arrival

Monday, December 28th, 2009

Auckland New Zealand

Friends are at the airport to meet us. Little people have grown big. Babies have turned into toddlers. Apart from that, it seems we haven‘t even been away. This feeling of *did it really happen?* will ... [Continue reading this entry]

lost in space

Sunday, December 27th, 2009
sleeping at Dubai airport….onwards towards Auckland We lose most of today somewhere. We left Istanbul yesterday evening and took a four hour flight (just long enough to watch a movie and enjoy dinner) to Dubai, arriving when it was pitch black. ... [Continue reading this entry]

to…..

Saturday, December 26th, 2009
on the plane towards Dubai tonight….and onwards It’s our last day before the homeward flight tonight. Kboy12 talks incessantly – he does that when he’s excited. The bags are packed and stacked in the storage room. We have to confess to taking ... [Continue reading this entry]

those twins again: the big one, Lboy8

Saturday, December 12th, 2009
Brasov, Romania

“I liked Malaysia for the food and iced lemon tea. I liked Mongolia for the ranch, for riding horses and milking cows and herding goats. I liked England for the food like ... [Continue reading this entry]

those twins again: the little one, Mboy7

Saturday, December 12th, 2009
Brasov, Romania

 

“Before we left I saw a movie about war in China and so I didn’t want to go to China. But when we got there I ... [Continue reading this entry]

caught by surprise

Friday, December 11th, 2009
Brasov, Romania We were starting to think Jack Frost was listening to our plans and deliberately foiling us. We went to Mongolia in search of snow – it started one hour *after* we left. We had already been to south ... [Continue reading this entry]

three days ago the third…and four days ago too

Thursday, December 10th, 2009
Brasov, Romania Throughout much of Western and Central Europe the sixth day in December is set aside for celebrating St Nicholas’ feast day. Known for being kind to children and as a generous gift-giver, the saint has been remembered now ... [Continue reading this entry]