It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters in the end.

Ursula Le Guin

On Sunday, I had eight great friends helping me move all of my worldly possessions into storage. In my haste to try and get done as quickly as possible, I ended up nicking my one nice piece of furniture- a dresser. I say nice here in relative terms. The dresser is from Ikea, but in comparison to everything else I own, it's nice.

This damage to my one nice thing really bothered me. I couldn't shake it.
I was really annoyed with myself for causing the one glitch in an otherwise perfectly executed move. Then I was annoyed with myself for letting anything get me down when I was about to leave my job and go on a really big trip. I was supposed to be happy damn it.

As I continued to think about it, I realized that it was more than just the knick that was bothering me. It was the fact that I put all of my crappy stuff into storage at all. I had always said that I bought cheap stuff so that I could get rid of it and be practically possession less when I went to travel. Well, here I am traveling, and I have a 5x10 space filled with a bunch of crap.

Ideally, I would like to buy some nice furniture, but whenever I look at the cost of furniture my brain automatically calculates how many days of travel I would be giving up to purchase it. Financial analysis determined that though it was crap, it was more effective to store my furniture then to have to buy new crap when I returned.

And then it occurred to me- the return. I love SF and definitely consider it my home, but I have always felt like I was waiting for something until my adult life began- the right job, a relationship, a happy home life. Then I suddenly found myself in my thirties feeling like I wasn't where I had expected I would be. I had been putting off big responsibilities with travel dreams on my mind.

And so, I hatched a big trip and quit my job. It is a new beginning with, as my tag line states, limitless possibilities.

But here is the thing- no matter what happens on my trip, I will still be returning to the same crap. An unsettled home. A nicked dresser. An undetermined career path. An uncertain future.

In theory, I already knew all of this, but I didn't really feel it until Sunday. What I have chosen to do really is a big deal. Re-establishing myself when I return is going to be hard work.

I would like to arrive. I would like to feel the satisfaction of accomplishment in all aspects of my life simultaneously. But, the truth is that life is all about the journey. There are milestones along the way, but our lives will always be in flux, and we will always have new goals to chase.

And so, I may never arrive, but I will enjoy the adventure and maybe someday, I'll have a nice dresser.