URGENT - URGENT - URGENT

If you are thinking of travelling into or through the Islamic Republic of Iran, PLEASE THINK AGAIN. The people here are very much the terrorists they are made out to be.

From the day we entered, we have been constantly terrorised with the fanatical actions of these crazy people. They constantly bombard us with 'invitations' for 'tea' at their 'picnics'. This 'tea' always turns out to be an evil orange concoction, made fatally sweet by the Iranian way of partaking it (putting the sugar cube in the mouth and then drinking the 'tea') and made by the totally unhygenic way of boiling leaves in water.

After they find out that our tough internal organs (we can withstand durians. You want to fight?) were more than a match for their rancid 'tea', they forcibly make us stay for 'lunch' or 'dinner', which inevitably becomes a harsh interrogation session involving delicious food (no doubt to make us believe that the Iranian way of life is halfway decent) and more 'tea', where they ask us threatening questions like, "Where are you from?", "Where are you going?" and "Why are you so gosh-darned good looking?"

Once they even persuaded us (while we were under the influence of their 'tea') to go to their native village and view an ancient ritual called a 'wedding'. A man and a woman brought together by their own will and being in each other's company for better or for worse! Obviously a heathen concept, totally un-democratic. There, they attempted to convert us to their dark ways by serving a succulent 'dinner' and while under the influence of their un-imported fruits and vegetables we were made to stay in their shockingly prehistoric (they only had one phone line for the entire village) house for the night. Of course this was an attempt for us to have pity on them and feel charitable towards their cause. HA! We had our way in the end when one of the villagers offered us money - he said he was concerned for how we would make our way thru his country (likely story). How un-capitalistic, just GIVING away money!

In the end their failure to convert us to their evil ways was evidenced by them putting us in contact with their 'friends' in the next town, who would 'take us around'. And so they did, for four straight days, from dawn till midnight, when everyday they would wage a war of friendliness with their bringing us around to the best parts of their 'city', telling us so-called 'interesting things' and even cooking for us at a 'picnic' they had 'specially' for us. Our steadfast will stood fast though, and we managed to cycle out of their 'city' totally unenlightened.

And that was only our first week in Iran! You can just imagine the horrors we've been through since then - truck drivers stopping in the middle of the road to offer us 'fruits', strangers appearing from 'nowhere' and fixing our equipment, more 'offers' to stay at houses and apparently free water everywhere! How utterly destructive to the true capitalist way of life (may it prevail forever, amen).

So let this be a warning to those who wish to travel to or through this evil country. Let you not waver in its 'hospitality', its evil 'relaxed outlook on life' and let the people not tempt you with their evil 'friendliness' and offers of free 'tea' and 'food'. It is all a front for an evil government that is intent on making the world in its image (that's America's job, dammit).

Yours from the throes of suffocation from an overdose of Iranian 'hospitality'

jo