Heh, have been reading many many replies for a book title. Man you guys
are hard up for free stuff, eh? :)

Right now, 'No Punctures, Please' tops the list... but if that wins no
one gets a book :(

Some of them are hilarious, some downright pornographic, some would
take an Act of Parliment to allow on the shelves...

But of course keep them coming! Might throw in an autographed pic of
our bikes too! (we're too ugly)

jo

Hey all!

Due to the overwhelming number of people who've suggested it (one), I
have decided to write a book after the travels. Unfortunately i have no
idea what to call it, so I'm opening it out to everyone to suggest a
title :) The winner will get a signed copy of the book (check out the
big ego)

Mai Tu Liao!

jo

Hi all. Sorry this report is a bit late - got Typus Interruptus by the
guy who ran the netcafe. Anyway its the 17th and we're in Bandung now.
There's a sad lack of bandung here. Will write about the past few days
in the next report.

13 June 2004 - Bogor, Java INDONESIA. Day 441, Alex's 18638km

Back on the road again.

Singapore -ferry- Batam, INDONESIA -ferry- Kuala Tungkal (Sumatra) -
Jambi - Sungai Lilin - Palembang - Kayu Agung - Menggala - Bandar
Lumpung - Bakauheni -ferry- Merak (Java) - Tangerang - Bogor

Trust us, it was a lot of cycling. 1000km in just over 10 days. Alex's
brand new tights are so weathered you can almost...

ANYWAY. We left Singapore on the 30th of May on a ferry from the
World Trade Center for the largest archipelago in the world after
a 3 week rest. We had intended to catch the connecting ferry from
Sekupang (Batam) to Pekanbaru (Sumatra) but the ferry had left before
we arrived. So we got on the last ferry to Kuala Tungkal (Sumatra)
for its 7 hour journey filled with the excitingly monotonous drone of
its engine across the Straits of Malacca only to be welcomed by the
first rain in the area for weeks.

The Lahore customs in Pakistan, that post office just outside Thamel
central in Kathmandu Nepal and the luggage attendants at the Sekupang
Ferry terminal in Batam Indonesia all have something in common.

THEY ALL WANTED MONEY.

Well, more money than their pay gives them, at least. But on all 3
occasions, we paid up. At Lahore, Alex did not wish to have all his
bags emptied out for inspection. So he paid up, all the 1rupee he had
left to the guy who walked in and out of the customs office without
much hindrance. In Kathmandu, Alex managed to bargain the price down
but paid up as it was important to him that his parcel arrived at its
destination and not stay at the PO forever. At Sekupang, 20000Rupiah
was given to the luggage attendants to disperse the crowd that had
already gathered around Alex and Jo. Jo still finds the inner workings
of a country run in the background by corruption hard to deal with, but
Alex's cause to keep us and our belongings safe was a just one. But it
did cause us to have a bitter first taste of Indonesia, one that we
spat out with much force with the first available ferry.

Sometimes, principles are not as important as keeping one's mind open
enough to not let such incidents affect one's journey. Of course
bearing in mind that you don't have to be ouside Singapore to have bad
experiences :)

Leaving Singapore was a huge mental challenge. In Singlish, the right
phrase is "very sian". When Alex was in Malaysia, Thai, Laos and Tibet,
the climax was looking forward to coming home. Home was psychologically
a very strong motivation before Singapore. Leaving a very comfortable
HOME to plunge straight into the bad roads and weather of Sumatra only
made things more "jiak-lat".

The highest probable cause of death for cyclists in Sumatra, in
descending order:

1) carbon monoxide poisoning
2) smoke from burning rubbish and old plantations
3) kena langgar by truck
4) infection from mosquito (scared to use the 'm' word)
5) Diabetes

Seriously - Jo's opinion is that if we give up cycling and take up
smoking Indonesian Kreteks (clove cigarettes), we'll live longer. There
is something wrong when you dig your nose and your fingertip comes out
black (apologies to those eating). Interestingly, the locals all tell
us that those trucks spewing filth into our faces were the ones that
didn't pass Singapore LTA checks. So they end up in Sumatra. And the
world goes round...

Interestingly, Indonesia is the first place where people have come up
to us and asked, "So what are you selling?"

11th of June, too early in the morning. We were sleeping like logs when
some rude knocks woke us up. Jo went to the door and after conversing
with the guys outside came to understand that they were local officers
spot-checking if there were unmarried couples staying in the hotel. One
of the officers actually asked to see what was under Alex's sleeping
bag which had lofted big enough to hide a person in!

Would write more, but here's another interesting Indon fact: the keys
on ALL the keyboards at ALL the net cafes are stiff. Another fact: two
times out of 3 Jo finds that the homepage of the computer at the
netcafe is a porno site. Hm, wonder if they're connected?

We probably need another 15-20days to reach the eastern tip of Java.
From there we will ferry onto Bali where we will take a 5-7 day break
on the breaks. Wee ha!

From somewhere in the smog,

Alex & Jo

29 April 2004 - Kuala Besut, Trengganu, Malaysia. Day 396, Alex's 16772km
(Krabi-Trang-HatYai-Changlun-Gurun-Baling-Gerik-Pulau Banding-Jeli-Kuala Besut)

COASTAL ROAD TAKE ME HOME TO THE PLACE I BELONG

9 days of non-stop cycling have gotten us from Krabi to the East Coast of Malaysia. When we started out from Istanbul our agreement with Daniel Woodley was 3 days cycle, 1 day rest. As with most other things, you live and learn, eh?

It has been a great experience coming across the border, and since our first day in Malaysia (ever since we stepped across the Thai border, actually) it has been raining every evening - a welcome change from the insane heat of Cambodia, Laos and Thailand actually, although the hassle of Jo and BigJoe having to stop somewhere and ensure their stuff is waterproofed and pull rain covers over panniers is something we could do without. And the rain never gives chance, either - it went from bright and sunny to cats dogs and assorted small animals type of precipitation. "We South East Asia - we not give you some pussy Seattle drizzle type of crap." And Malaysia... well it's Truly Asia, isn't it :)

14 Apr 2004 - Krabi, Thailand, Day 381, Alex's 15954km

Together Again.

Jo and Alex parted ways on the 20th of November last year, after an epic episode of cycling in the freezing rain in the dark, a broken rim, and *drum roll* malaria. Jo flew back to Singapore to be treated. Alex went on with Marcel and Andreas to India.

Now, almost 4 and a half months later, the two are reunited. And in the spirit of the Expedition, almost utterly by coincidence.

Alex was already in Bangkok (Krung Thep to the locals - the City of Angels) when Jo and Joe (henceforth referred to as BigJoe, a reference to his extended wisdom *cough cough*) cycled perilously into the dreaded BKK traffic at last light. After what seemed like an endless urban jungle (Bangkok is HUGE, and it SPRAWLS like a hectic ant colony in the suffocating heat and humidity) the pair got to the outskirts of central Bangkok after a circus act of dodging buses and cars. Speeding past a bus stop, Jo spotted a guy with a bright yellow cycling jersey waiting for the bus.

Can't be...

Blondish hair.

CANNOT be...

BIG Singapore flag sewn onto the chest.

In the wake of screeching brakes and a cacophony of honking from permanently frazzled Thai motorcyclists, Alex and Jo finally saw each other again. A loud family-unfriendly exclamation escaped Jo's lips as Alex came closer and said, "Hello there. You better get your bike off the road." So at a non-descript bus stop in a city of 6 million people, 2 old friends shook hands after a tumultuous 4 months apart, another circle in our cosmic universe subtly closing up.

210304 Siam Reap (Angkor Wat, baby!!!)

After almost four months of lounging around in Singapore, I basically cannot tahan anymore, so much to the resignation of my parents to my way of life (I believe they actually said to me once - "why can't you be NORMAL") I packed my bags and bike again and left. Hm, I seem to recall the doctor at the Pakistani Hospital saying that I wouldn't be able to cycle again for 4-6 months. IN YOUR FACE, doctor at the Pakistani Hosiptal!

So after too many days of reading about Alex's exploits, my backside just got too itchy so here I am in Siam Reap, Cambodia, 6km from the great Angkor Wat, after 4 days of burning dusty cycling from Phnom Penh. A good friend of mine, Joe Nathan, has brought himself down to my level and is cycling with me (and later, Alex) back to Singapore. Joe was an editor at The New Paper, and after having been there for the last 15 years finally quit and decided to run off before they could drag him back in again.

Hence it was with much glee that 2 Jo's landed in Phnom Penh airport on the 15th of March, after watching the sunrise glint mesmerisingly off the wing of an MAS 737 as an ocean of clouds wafted past over the peaks of the central Malay Peninsula. Our short nap was rudely interrupted when the stewardess banged the food cart smack into Joe's knee, and proceeded to apologise vehemently for it. She kept coming back to apologise at an alarming rate, and only toned down when we spoke to her in Malay and told her to 'relek, beb... jangan tension'...

Doctor just gave me a clean bill of health! Yes world, liver's intact (not that I drink), kidneys back to normal (not that I pee a lot), red blood cell count back up (yeah i donate a lot of those to the wild) and i'm no longer yellow like a mango. So...

Watch out world! Johann's back and he's pissed! Esp at the mosquitoes!

After some training lah. Right now can't cycle around Bedok Reservoir without panting. I know what wussies feel like. New respect for my friends. After that...

Watch out world! Johann's back and he's pissed! Goes double for the mosquitoes!

hey all

alex just updated the expedition blog, and new pics will be up soon, so wait for wat? go to www.nopuncturesplease.com when yer boss aint lookin of course :)

liver's almost good, kidneys back to normal, red blood cell count still a bit low, but training starts... tomo. seriously :)

jo

So after all that adrenalin pumping excitement, we were more than happy to tone down a bit. After spending a day in the historic (seriously. It dates back to 2000 B.C., and is a main centre for development of Buddhism) town of Taxila, Alex and I went to get our Chinese visas (which I now won't get to use dammit dammit dammit) in Islamabad and came back to finally cycle our dream, and the main reason for the expedition - the famed Karakorum Highway (this is where the exalted soundtrack kicks in, if I ever make this into a movie. Starring Rowan Atkinson as myself and Gurmit Singh as Alex "I say old chap, I wonder what these natives are trying to tell us." "You stupid isid? Use your blain use your blain... They say the mountains blardy cold we shouldn't cycle lah. But of course we must try. For Singapore!" but I digress).

At this stage I feel the Highway needs a bit of an introduction. Conceptualised after the British left (and using Indian-Chinese animosity over the Dalai Lama to build a 'friendship highway') it took over 20 years to buiild and many lives of both the Pakistani soldiers and Chinese engineers. The Karakorum Highway (endearingly referred to as the KKH) was literally blasted into the side of the mountains of the beautiful Karakorum, and with its long winding roads, overhanging cliffs, steep vertical falloffs and nothing-short-of-fantastic scenery, it looks like something out of a BMW advert starring James Bond. And well it should be too, rock avalanches are a constant feature and a mis-timed brake can lead to a little fall off a big cliff. In short, it was bloody magnificent.

14 Nov 2003 - Dassu, Kohistan (750m). Karakoram Highway (KKH). Islamic Republic of Pakistan, Day 228, 10946km

They jumped out of nowhere.

Appearing suddenly on the road 50m from Alex's speeding bicycle, the 3 men made a makeshift roadblock and forced him off the road onto the soft desert sand where his bicycle got impossibly stuck. They grabbed him and forced him into the bushes, and the burly, violent men were armed - one had a flick knife and another a hammer of some sort - and were very violent, but not very well organised. For some reason only one of them held on to Alex whilst the other 2 were holding the bicycle (which was obviously not going anywhere) so he managed to distract the robber by giving him his hat and Rudy Projects, thus making his hands full. Although he was being dragged into the bushes, Alex, full of compusure and kancheongness, whacked the robber's other arm away and tearing his Shimano jersey to shreds in the process, broke free and ran onto the road.

That was the culmination of our overexciting past week and a half in Pakistan - 10 days that had our adrenalin pumping more often than the whole of the past 6 months, and that wasn't anywhere near the end of it. It all started in Quetta...

Quetta, where we left off our last update (a long long time ago, sorry - we've been rather busy) was a terminally dusty, frontier town filled with war refugees, beggars and policemen. Drug addicts call the dank squalid odor of the huge local drain (on the map it’s a river, but the thin stream of water does nothing to hide the layers of rubbish and faeces) their home, and there are more shops selling Kalashnikovs than shoes. Basically it’s a town you would expect out of a serious Clint Eastwood movie. Here amongst the chaotic bazaar and death-defying traffic they had found Al-Qaeda's no.2, and a bomb in a bus increased the town's already unhealthy death toll about 2 months ago. Well, we knew the place wasn't Singapore, but it sure made us wake up when those 3 bombs exploded.

The first went off not 300m from our hotel, and Jo distinctly remembers the walls shaking as he was leaning on them, typing his log. "Nuclear test," Jo thought jokingly - Pakistan's reputation and seeing many an unidentified explosion in the hills got the better of us. But the second explosion, a minute later and almost as close to us as the first, rocked the city and made us rethink our half-baked assumptions. The third, in the outskirts of Quetta but still distinctly audible, went off a minute later. We contemplated having sentry duty, and not venturing into the town tommorrow. We took a long hard look at how safe we were, ourselves and our expedition and decided that, bombs or no bombs, we'll have to go on.

The next day we found out that no one was hurt and in fact it was really hard to discern that 3 bombs had exploded in the immediate area just last night. The daily chaos of the street bazaar and traffic went on, the kids had school, the men had tea. The people we asked about the bombings responded with highly concerned "ah only bombs" to nonchalant "Don't worry! You can do what you like, everything is under control!" The local paper demoted it to a 3-inch single column somewhere at the bottom of the front page (that was the LOCAL TOWN paper - the national papers had better things to do, like Pakistan's upcoming cricket matches).

So we got used to the everyday life of Quetta, and cycled on through the hills.