This will probably be a short entry. To be blunt, my academic performance this year at McGill was inadequate for me and for my graduate schools and I'm disappointed and depressed.

I am struggling more and more with what I want to do with my future, and it is making it stressful. Travelling on top of it has made me doubly sad and tired; I don't know what I want anymore.

It was with the sense that my dreams are slipping away from me that I write of my arrival to Zurich.

Zurich is beautiful and clean, a change of pace from Italy. It is also expensive, so I'm paranoid.

Nothing seems to be going right for me right now. Our train broke down in Chiasso, on the Italian-Swiss border, and we waited for an hour and a half in the steamy hot weather. We did not reach Zurich until half past one in the morning.

We reached our hotel and collapsed into bed in a rather airless room in central Zurich. The night was hot, but the room clean and comfortable once the window was cracked open onto the pedestrianised street.

This morning we visited the Kunsthaus Zurich, only a disappointment because the musuem is mostly under renovation. We then took a little 'walking tour' of Zurich trying to find an internet cafe, only to find one close to our hotel, which we would have found if we had taken a different road.

A different road - a good theme for life I think. I always have believed that life is what happens while you are making other plans. However, I wish I was different - smarter, prettier, more interesting. Somehow I feel that would make me better. What are you supposed to do when you don't want to be yourself?