Of Inuit and Epidurals

As part of my pre-trip planning I bought a Teach Yourself Spanish book, complete with two CDs of dialogues. I diligently worked my way through the first three chapters and felt ready for some real life practice. Talking along with the voices on my ipod is not quite the same, but I don’t know any one who speaks Spanish.

When I meet a patient who comes from Mexico, I can’t help being a bit excited. And although we have already exchanged greetings and names in English, I do it again, this time in Spanish. At this point she laughs, willing to go along with it. I am encouraged, despite having already reached my limit. All I have left are questionably useful phrases and the ability to count to ten.

“Tengo una reservacion”

is the first useful phrase that comes into my head. “Useful”, as it happens, is quite setting-dependent. “I have a reservation” is not particularly useful in this setting. She looks at me, still laughing but shaking her head and saying nothing. I think she’s probably looking for the words for
“I have a contraction, could we do something about that do you think?”
I get on with putting her epidural in. I give the explanation in English because I have not yet come across the useful phrase

“Keep still. I’m about to put a very big needle in your back”.

Ok not useful in every situation but surely at least as useful as,

“La oficina esta al final del pasillo.
(The office is at the end of the passage), or

“A que hora tomas el desayuno normalmente?”
(What time do you normally have breakfast?)

But the beauty of teaching yourself is that you decide when you have mastered the grammar and vocabulary and are ready to move on. Chapters Four and Five have nothing to hold my interest. In chapter Six I memorise the key phrase,

“Quiero dos kilos des zanahorias”
(I would like two kilos of carrots) . Then I flick to Chapter Eleven which makes me a little apprehensive. Among the useful phrases in this chapter are,

“Podria repararme este neumatico?”
(Could you repair the tyre?) followed by

“Possiblement se trata de una infeccion. No creo que se nada serio.”
(It’s probably an infection, I don’t think it’s serious.)

An overly vivid imagination leads my mind off on a tangent where I would actually need these phrases and I realise I do not have the self-discipline for this. As an introduction it is valuable but I think conversational Spanish is best learnt by actually conversing with people. So my plan is to arrive in Guatemala and head straight to Antigua where there are lots of homestays and Spanish language schools. (Any recommendations from people who’ve been before gratefully received) That means, I’ll just need to navigate my way through the airport. I learn one more useful phrase which I hope not to hear.

“Estas situaciones ocurren a veces, pero normalmente el equipaje aparece uno o dos dias despues.
( This happens from time to time, but normally the luggage turns up after a day or two)

Every email, every SMS, every facebook update from home, is telling me about Melbourne’s heatwave. Thanks to the internet, I know that as I write this at three am Melbourne time its still 28 C. I’m sure it’s awful, I’m sure no one is sleeping and every one’s grumpy, but right now I can’t remember what 30C feels like, let alone 43C or was it 44C. I do have -30C in my recent memory, and am hunching my body into the foetal position just thinking about it. So I thought I’d offer some helpful advice for coping with the heatwave, illustrated with some of my recent photos.

1. Go for a drive in the climate controlled environment of your car.

2. Enjoy a cooling sea breeze at the beach.

3. Go for a walk in the late afternoon once it’s cooled down a little.

4. Make the most of the absence of rain and marvel at how nature adapts to the harsh environment
.

And finally,
5. Make hay while the sun shines for you never know what’s around the corner.

Thinking of you, and hope you are not sweltering too much. I’m sorry I can’t be wishing for cooler weather for you, as I’ll be there in two weeks and I can’t wait to feel too hot!

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