I'm writing in shock at the fact that we are back in Bangkok on our last night in Asia, leaving for Sydney tomorrow. It doesn't seem long enough ago that we were here the first time, realising that our return to this crazy sweatbucket was goodbye Asia, hello Sydney.

Saigon was when we were last in touch, the night before Byrne joined us. More from Byrne later (she wanted a cameo feature of her own). I would have written this about 2 weeks ago, but island life stopped us wanting to do anything except chill out, drink beer, eat beachfront BBQs and play beach games. Oh, and join the scuba afficionados while we were at it.

Vietnam seems like an age ago. I've almost forgotten how crazy the traffic was (90% mopeds, 5% animals or pedestrians, 5% vehicles with 4 wheels), how diverse the geography was (rice paddy Mekong delta in the south, beautiful green highlands in the middle/north and some fabulous coastal scenery in the north), and how unhappy all the Vietnamese seemed to be when interacting with tourists. I think it's a love-hate thing - they know they need our business, but really don't like us being there, so on the whole (there are always exceptions of course), they didn't impress their friendliness upon us.

Before Byrne gets her cameo (miss ya B!), I'll fill you in on all the things we managed to pack into 11 days together. Somehow, B managed to find the energy to walk around Saigon on her first afternoon with us to check the place out (another twist on the SE Asian mix of street vendors, mad traffic, hawkers, a gleaming commercial centre - no vendors/hawkers to be seen -, tourist shops/sights and markets), which after 36 hours en route was pretty impressive. We had the biggest treat of the trip that night as we swanned about at a 5 star hotel, looking, well, like backpackers look when in swanky hotels surrounded by chubby businessmen. Cocktails at the swim-up bar in the open air pool 9 floors up made a good start to the evening. Beer, take away pizza and watching football with friends in our room finished it off superbly - it's amazing what you appreciate when you're travelling!

The next day we stood aghast outside Sinh cafe (major budget travel company) as we watched tens of people being herded onto buses by guides with megaphones, off on various 1 day tours. We joined the last herd to Cu Chi tunnels, to experience for ourselves the claustrophobic, tiny tunnels in which the Viet Cong hid during the 'American' War (so called in Vietnam).

The place was almost more interesting for the insight into Vietnamese attitudes to the war. They celebrate, even revel, in the injuries to body (and mind) they inflicted on American soldiers there. Proud pictures titled 'American War Killer Hero' sit alongside models of the vicious booby traps used on US soldiers. When you see the size of the bomb craters left by the US 1000 pounders, and see the size of the tunnels in which the Viet Cong & local villagers were forced to hide, you can understand something of the reasons for their feelings. But the overwhelming sense I had was that the Vietnamese were almost laughing at the fact that all these tourists are paying loads of cash to visit the site (and shoot various weapons if you want to - a 5 second way to burn 30 USD) and be bombarded with anti-foreigner slants on all the information presented.

The day was topped off by a trip to the 'American War Crimes Museum' - renamed War Remnants Museum so not to offend the US. A thoroughly (and worryingly in my opinion, given that it is used to educate vietnamese schoolchildren on history) one-sided display of horrific, sometimes heart-stopping photographs of Agent Orange victims, war atrocities and most amazingly, war scenes shot by photographers searching for the 'Life magazine cover' shots, all of whom died in the process. All in all, a light-hearted way for Byrne to start her vacation.

Day 3 took us up to Hoi An, central Vietnam - a 1 hour flight that saved us a torturous 24 hour bus trip. THank god B was there to give us the excuse! We spent 3 days in Hoi An, mostly to give us the time to buy ridiculous amounts of tailored clothes, ridiculous because of the tiny cost. Our days were spent flicking through Next directories, choosing styles and fabrics and having fittings (which got a little wearing, despite the end result of a whole new wardrobe). Our backpacks are feeling the burn.

Hoi An also has great architecture, a mix of Vietnamese, Chinese, European and Japanese - it was a major port in its day. It is also on the coast - so you can chill on the beach whilst waiting for your clothes to be made. It was a fun place to stop for a while, apart from far too many locals vying for every one of the many tourists' business at every possible opportunity. Not a town you wanted to stop cycling or walking in for fear of being accosted.

From there, we took a scenic train ride along the coast (the line hangs off the side of a mountain almost over the coastline) and inland to Hue. The train was ancient, and the view wasn't quite as unmissable as the guidebook suggested, perhaps because of the rain. Ah well. In Hue, Byrne and I left Steve as guardian of the bags at the station, and set off on motos (and in very attractive plastic macs due to the rain) to see a couple of the ancient tombs in the area. One in particular was very impressive. Constructed in the 1910s (not very ancient then), they used bits of beer bottles, crockery & cutlery, amongst other things, to cover 2 huge rooms in mosaic. Translating the almost-english words uttered by the guide trying to point out various materials to us was an interesting challenge.

Our time in Hue was short , a few hours in fact, as that night we headed straight off on another train for Hanoi (it's amazing what a 2 week schedule can accommodate if you make the effort). One poor local guy had to share our compartment. Oh, not forgetting some cockroaches too...

Hanoi was cold, and possibly even more manic than Saigon, although no more outwardly 'communist' than the south I don't think. No Mcdonalds here, but coca cola makes a good showing on behalf of american consumer goods. THe old quarter in particular, was impossible to deal with, as the streets are really narrow and the traffic doesn't care. We spent our first day there wandering around and sorting out activities. As a result we found ourselves with 2 two-day trips to fit in before B left us. We also found a couple of nice places to eat, which we didn't expect as we heard the food in the north was terrible. No doubt it is in the countryside when you're not frequenting tourist joints - a plus of big towns if you're in the mood for it, which we were.

Our first trip was to Mai Chau, a compromise on the hill tribe theme as we didn't have time to go up to Sapa in the northwest. When the cloud lifted enough for us to see it, there was some pretty impressive mountain scenery to be viewed, and Mai Chau itself sits in a gorgeous valley surrounded by hills. The trip was ostensibly to see minorities. Hmm. Not sure minority villages are all bedecked with rows of silk scarves and other goods, or have stickers on their houses from tourist agencies. What can we expect - we're all there after all.

The villages were much more luxurious than the ones we saw in Thailand, which now struck us as pretty authentic. How much of what we saw was just for tourist comfort, or luxury paid for by tourist dollar (which is great for them) I'm not sure. Despite all that, our guide was a really sweet girl full of information, the food was good, the mattresses blissfully comfy and the lack of authenticity was made up for on day 2 when we stopped by a local home in another village, whose inhabitants were definitely unused to tourists. We were treated to shy curiosity from adults and children alike, a view of a real local home, and of differences in the sexes (more from Byrne on this). It was the highlight of the trip.

The next trip was a cruise in Ha Long Bay, a beautiful place that I would dearly love to have visited on a private boat and in the low season. Instead, we made do with a boat full of people (some of whom made byrne wish she wasn't american) amidst 50 odd other boats, and with the heart-wrenching sight of trash floating everywhere. It really is an awesome sight though; rocky outcrops, mostly covered in trees and surrounded by blue/green water, looming out of the mist in all directions, for miles. Amazing. When Steve braved the water in the evening, it shone with phosphorescence whenever he moved. We had another great guide, called Twee, and also had the pleasure of sleeping on the top deck of the boat, just the 3 of us, and being treated to a silent, beautiful daybreak all to ourselves.

So, having fit in all that, we were at the end of our 11th day in Byrne's company. Back in Hanoi we got over our unhappiness with our hotel (hotels in Hanoi were an ongoing saga) when we discovered a hitherto unexplored part of town - a hip strip of restaurants, bars and boutiques - clearly it had nothing of interest for 2 Londoners and a New Yorker... We dined at a fantastic place called Church Street, where we revelled in proper wine glasses (not to mention wine), real napkins (most places use toilet roll in pink or blue plastic containers), non-Vietnam Airlines cutlery (they must either sell it off or be wondering where the hell it's all gone) and delicious food. Bliss. A perfect evening to end on.

Next day, after a crazy hour or so following Byrne's whirlwind of souvenir shopping, we said our tearful goodbyes. Byrne returned to Saigon to fly home, while we stayed around until our flight to Bangkok the following morning - on our way to hit the beach. I was in heaven having discovered a Toni & Guy hairdresser who worked in London for 2 years and chopped my locks back to short again (what a relief), and gave steve a trim so we both felt a tad less unsightly. We were both looking forward to hitting the beach.

You'll be pleased to know there's not much I can say about the last 2 weeks. We had a shitty journey down to Ko Pa Ngan, one of the Thai islands, the memory of which left us once we were enjoying a cocktail on the deck of our bungalow right on the beach, courtesy of our friends Bryan and Claire, whom we owe special thanks for having discovered the gem of Coral Bay. We spent 3 idyllic days there, moving no further than from our bed to our hammocks to the sea/beach 10m from our front door to the beachside cafe 50m up the beach. It was perfect.

We decided to head to Ko Tao, another island nearby known for diving, before my birthday so we wouldn't have to deal with boats and hangovers. We installed ourselves in the southern beach, Chalok Ban Kao, in great little bungalows just off the beach.

After Coral Bay, we weren't too impressed with the beach initially, as high tide meant there was virtually no beach at all, and it was built up all along what beach there was. None of this stopped us celebrating my reaching the last bastion of my 20s in appropriate style. After a day spent snorkelling and relaxing, bryan mixed us up some awesome freshly squeezed margaritas, which we enjoyed lounging on our beach-front deck, gorging on various BBQ items from the buddha view beach bbq (an almost nightly treat for over a week). Great night (thanks guys!).

And so our life continued until yesterday. Eating, drinking, bronzing, playing beach games, snorkelling and learning to dive (I faced my fear - not without a few nightmares to keep me awake thru all the nights during the course). It was exactly what we needed after a little more than 6 months on the road, not stopping anywhere for more than 5 days.

And that's it really. We had an amazingly smooth journey back to Bangkok yesterday, only spoiled by our room pretending to be a sauna last night. We ended up getting up after midnight to move to aircon bliss somewhere else. No point in just surviving it at this point in our trip. Today we did last minute shopping, sweating our way around town - nothing changes with the weather in 3 months here - and tomorrow we fly away to the land of Oz. Accompanied by an extra bag full of snorkel gear, beach games, new clothes and other purchases. Fingers crossed BA doesn't notice.

To keep up our theme of 'things we didn't expect', Byrne makes a cameo on the Vietnamese ones below, and I've added a few that sum up our time in SE Asia more generally. Somehow I think an english speaking country will provide us with a different experience from here on in. Roll on flushing toilets that take loo roll!

All that remains is to wish you all a great deal of Christmas Cheer and a happy new year. We'll be thinking of you as we sip from our tinnies waiting for the christmas barby to cook, in the 30 degree sunshine!!

Tales of the Unexpected

Vietnam's hidden surprises as observed by Byrne:
1 - Bella having grapes pelted at her by a grumpy old woman at a fruit market following standard (and everywhere else, expected) bargaining practice. A smile would have done the trick - and would have in any other country
2 - Made-to-measure shirts in fine silk, altered in two separate fitting sessions for $5 USD
3 - Art and architecture with such a heavy Chinese influence
4 - A three hour journey to Mai Chau to morph into a seven hour nightmare trip - for no apparent reason ... then having our minibus sink into the sticky mud due to the slow-moving (er, stopped) traffic ... which we then had to address by getting out of the van and pushing it out of the mud
5 - Waking up from a good night's sleep on the deck of a boat in the middle of Halong Bay to find water literally as smooth as glass and an absolutely breathtaking sunrise
6 - Paying up to 10 times the price that locals pay - because we're "tourists" and have white skin (what if that happened in the US? Or England?)
7 - Adequate, clean, comfortable accomodation available for $10 USD/night
8 - Fearing for our lives literally every time we needed to cross a street due to the chaos in the traffic patterns ... vehicles on both sides, motorbikes literally everywhere, bikes with live chickens strapped to the back, huge local buses with pigs in bins on top ... all seeming to come at
us from every single direction - constantly
9 - The presence of sprayhoses in toilets in Vietnam (and other Asian countries) in lieu of loo paper ... a hand-held bidet of sorts ... which also led to surprise at the need to BYO loo paper on every daily excursion
10 - An exceptionally biased representation of the Vietnam War - both in the Cu Chi Tunnels and the War Remnants Museum in and around HCMC
11 - Dog meat is considered a delicacy here which means that most of the adorable puppies we met and played with were likely destined to become someone's snack
12 - A Viet bride (and groom, and wedding party) having her wedding portrait taken outside of a stately building in a Western-ish wedding dress ... except for her three-inch leather strappy clogs with thick wooden soles ... and white ankle socks adorned with a cartoon character embroidered ... and a hole in the toe.
13 - Far more rain than sun in the "dry season"
14 - Ho Chi Minh's body being "exported" to Russia each November to have the embalming touched up
15 - A newfound addiction to DEET and RAID
16 - The persistence and aggression of street hawkers (selling everything from donuts to guide books to postcards to conical hats), taxi drivers, moto drivers, cyclo drivers ... the most poignant example was at the Hue train station where the three of us sat trying to have a quick lunch in peace but were literally surrounded by 10 different drivers all vying for our business
17 - Incredibly ornate wall and ceiling decor at Minh Mang tomb outside of Hue, replete with millions of pieces of mosaic and ceramic ... including bits of spoons and even beer bottles!
18 - The need for earplugs - literally - because the train from Danang to Hue was ancient - and clacked so loudly (fortunately we were surrounded by truly stunning scenery the entire time)
19 - Buying a bottle of beer for $ 0.75 USD
20 - Five generations of people living in a single house consisting of a single ROOM approximately 30 feet by 20 feet [A & S - agree?] in Mai Chau ... and that includes the "kitchen" - a fire in the middle of said room.

Some more general Asian/travelling surprises from yours truly:

•To get this far without buying a single souvenir t-shirt between us
•To discover how large a community of Lonely Planet haters there are out there
•To discover the tardis-like qualities of our backpacks. There's always room for just one more thing...
•To swim with a shark. I saw a reef shark while snorkelling - and even managed to swim towards it to get a better look before it swam away. We also spotted a barracuda, and the local aggressive speciality whilst diving - a trigger fish (they like to bite divers fins)
•To never want to eat fried rice EVER again
•To get to like ants as a room mate - there are so many worse alternatives. Geckos meet with even more approval - they kill enemy no. 1, the mosquito
•To discover how much email has revolutionised communication across the world. We had no idea the internet would be so accessible, or that we'd see so many kids hanging out in email cafes, although it makes sense since it opens up a whole new world to them
•To become so good at being prepared. We don't go anywhere without toilet paper, handwash, repellent, a small first aid kit (used more by others than ourselves in fact), pen, paper, water & snacks. It will be a hard habit to break.
•To realise 'road' can mean quite so many different things around the world. The M25 has been looking better and better
•How many uses a moped has - not to mention how much one moto can carry. 6 people, 20 chickens, 10 water barrels, a pile of cardboard boxes or god knows what else
•To relate a story about a skiing holiday travel nightmare (at the time) when a journey took 8 hours rather than the supposed 4 and realise that didn't really sound too bad anymore.
•To bump into the same people over and over - 3 swedish girls in Thailand, Laos, Vietnam and then here yesterday; 2 Danes first seen on the Great Wall and then here yesterday; a guy we met in Bolivia is meeting us today, not to mention all the others in Sydney for Christmas and seeing Bryan and Claire in Laos, Vietnam and then the beaches...
•To add me being blonde to Steve's skinhead (no longer - he has hair again)
•To be able to speak an Asian language (JOKE - you've gotta be kidding. They're impossible!)
•To spend no more than 3 days apart in over 6 months, and still be not only talking, but laughing together (ahhhhh).