Tricky
So, here’s the thing. I have a dilemma of mammoth proportions and am literally between a rock and a hard place. Well, not LITERALLY, I’m at a desk at work. Clearly not working, but writing a blog. I backpacked round the world some 6 years ago, all I ever wanted to do was see the world and that feeling has never really left me. I came back and had the blues, so went travelling again for a month in Europe, lived in Spain for a while, and then after coming back to the UK to reassess I realised I was massively behind everyone else in the game of life. I’m sure everyone else has encountered this at some point- I have had experiences that many haven’t’ and feel lucky and privileged. But as many intrepid travellers may have come across, life for others while you are off having experiences doesn’t stop. They continue growing, working hard, getting promoted, buying cars and crap to fill their houses with, settling down. And when you come back to this, the initial feeling is ‘fools!!’- I could never understand why anyone wanted that. In my early twenties my dream was to live in a campervan and travel the world in it with my dog. Yes, I would have had a dog. But now, I have become one of those people. The longer you stay at home the more the realisation seeps in that maybe you will never have these things, the things that normal people have. You start comparing your life with those around you, in the office or your friends. Getting married and having babies. And then 3 years ago I met my boyfriend who is a non traveller. Don’t get me wrong, he LOVES new places, we are always planning trips away and holidays. But he has 2 children, the prospect of planning a huge 6 month trip for example, out the window. Possibly moving overseas for a year…will never happen. And then people start asking, when are you two going to get married? Babies??……Things I never wanted before but now feel like I should have? I’m 30 next year, I start to wonder, is time running out? Am I getting to old to be sitting here fantasising about living in Australia? Do I want to end a perfectly good relationship to run off to some uncertain future and a string of crappy jobs to try and pay for it? To perhaps be 35 years old and living in a tent? The answer is I don’t know. One thing I do know is, however much I try and talk myself out of it, I don’t think this feeling will go away. For most travelling folk this would be a no brainer, for me….tricky.
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NIKKI