After this, I’ll never be the same

I love Pakistan, but the internet is ridiculously slow! I’ve been online for almost one hour and have been trying to send only this mail! Sorry for not responding to all your e-mails, but it takes about an hour to send one e-mail!!!!! I’ve been reading and enjoying (keep sending them) all your mail, but I won’t be able to respond individually till I either go back to Islamabad or leave the country. This might be a long one, hope it’s not boring…

OK, so now for a bit of an update. Pakistan rules!!! Almost no tourists and the few that are here are pretty hard core and interesting. I’ve spent most of my time in the north and it’s amazing. Untouched and CHEAP!! Depending on where I’m at I can live on 150 RS. (60rs = 1 dollar) per day! Swat Valley, Fairy meadows, Kalash Valley and Hunza are all amazing, green, fairytale type places with some of the friendliest people I’ve met anywhere in the world!!!

The Kalash people (Kalash valley) are great. No one knows much about them, but most think that they are decedents of Alexander the Greats army. They’re about to disappear and are stuck in a small area (not even one full valley), but remain super friendly. I only stayed in one guest house in the week that I explored the valley. The rest of the time I stayed with family’s, and they’re whitey’s, so it’s very strange to see them in this part of the world, but great time.

I’ve had some of the most hard core experiences of my trip in the short time I’ve been here as well. Suffi dancing in Lahore was as rich an experience as I’ve had anywhere. The dancers dance themselves into a trance with their eyes rolling into their heads and the abnormally huge (giants) drummers do the same. Once they’re in trance, they start dancing very strange and do pretty difficult things (physically). Meanwhile, everyone there (at the different Sufi shrine/cool grave yards) crowds in close and smokes more hash than I’ve seen any group of people anywhere in the world, non stop! That usually lasts till 3 or 4 in the morning and the stoned stupid crowd gets energized as the night goes on, instead of the other way around. Great experience, unforgettable…

Speaking of experiences, I stumbled upon a festival that one guy told me and two of my friends “should not be missed.” There is just to much to tell so I’ll get down to the basics. It started out a lot like a summer Christian tent meeting (been to a bunch of those growing up) with different teachers and preachers getting the crowd all emotional. It was WAY to hot so my friends and I sat under a tree to kill a few hours till the main part of the festival started. It turned into Sufi night all over again (no dancing or drumming), more hash smoking than I’d seen since the Sufi night! Damn, Marley would be proud!!!

Anyway, at 6:00 pm, the “real’ festival started. A white horse led the way (Ali’s horse) with four people carrying a palanquin, with some type of shrine on it, close behind. About 15 to 20 shirtless men followed the Palanquin (spl?) and when they finally stopped, some religious men started taking chains, with knives attached to the end, off of the palanquin and handing them to all the shirtless dudes. After they all received their weapons (a handle with a few chains attached and knives at the end of each) they stood in a circle facing eath other and the self punishment began! Damn, did they go to town on themselves! They didn’t just swing the chains onto their backs, they slammed them, like they were at war with their own bodies! In a matter of seconds they were all covered in blood and after a couple of minutes, some of the leaders (not participating) had to run over and drag them out of the circle, because they were seriously injuring themselves. HARD CORE, MADNESS!!!! My friends and I almost past out, we had to sit down in the shade somewhere, but we could still here the sound of steel smashing and shredding flesh…

OK, this is to long already, I’ve got to shorten it. After that I went to the smugglers bazaar in Peshawar (boarder of Afghanistan). There, on arrival, the friendly owners of one of the many shops, sat me down and offered me chai, a spliff of Afghani hash and an excellent offer to kidnap me! He said I could stay at his home and he would demand $200,000 that we could split 50/50. I told him that I’m worth at least a few million and then I went to work checking out all the cool stuff in his shop. Passports, counter-fit money, (Euro’s, Dollars, Pounds) any kind of gun and explosives, and Kilo’s of hash and heroin are some of the fun things I was able to play with there.

That was cool, but buy then I needed to get away from the cities and I ended up tracking down my ninja friend Jacques in Kalash valley, by word of mouth only. That’s how few travelers are in this country. We ended up hitching rides through the mountains on the coolest, most colorful (yeah, sickeningly tacky) trucks in the universe. We found some great remote spots, the best of my trip yet and ended up in a little village that turned out to be run by the Taliban! We met a few and I was decked out in Shalwar Kamiz (the spelling is WAY off), Pakistani clothing, my out of control beard and some style’n terrorist sunglasses! They all loved me and they agreed that Dengue most be a great country. Who would have though I’d make friends like that.

Oh yeah, I mentioned the travelers earlier, but forgot to mention the crusader that is floating around northern Pakistan (if he’s not dead yet). Of course, he’s American. He’s from Colorado, got out of jail a couple of years ago, then God talked to him and told him he must come to Northern Pakistan to find Bin Laden and kill him!! 🙂 This is my entertainment out here, better than any movie. He’s traveling with a sword at his side and on his last mission he climbed a mountain (looking for Laden), took off his backpack, turned around and the sword at his side knocked his backpack down the mountain and into a crevasse! His passport and money belt were in it!! WooooHoooo!! I love it!! Fruity…

OK, now for the latest. Me, Jacques and two Swiss dudes all met up in Gilgit and started talkin about K-2 base camp. The prices were just to high though, the English tourists all payed 1,800 pounds each (well over $3,000), one guy payed $4,000, but the best price we, or anyone else, could find was $1,200 each, but it was out of our budgets. We heard that if we went to Skardu we could possibly arrange the whole thing ourselves. We all had the time and heard it was the most beautiful and one of the most extreme treks (if not the most) in the world, so we took a nice trip down the Karakorum highway.

We passed the spot were the Hindukush, Himalaya’s and Karakorum mountain ranges all begin or end (within a mile or two) depending on how good they (the mountains) all get along together, they may not all want to start or end in the same spot, they have feelings to…

Anyway, we killed three days here grilling all the tour company’s and making them break down the whole trek (15 days) step by step and getting the prices for each item and comparing them against each other. If was tough, but it payed off on the third day, when we received the best possible (we think) offer of $600 each, all inclusive. It was more than we wanted to spend, but we really wanted to go and it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity, but besides that, my Teva’s (sandals) really wanted to walk to there 4th (broad peak) and 5th (K-2) base camps of 8,000 + meter peaks. It wasn’t my idea, it was there’s (the damn Teva’s) they’re controlling me, that’s why I end up in more shoe stores than I plan on, I think they’re looking for a girlfriend or wife or something…

The trek began in Askole and ended in Hushe (two more), with Zahid (not a full powered God like Ram, but the humble weather God of the Karakorum Range) as our guide, and his two helpers Nazir and Nabi, who were the spliff smokers and cooks. Sounds like our kind of group. All the other groups were in brand new expensive clothing and in the best shape of their lives. They also ate in a mess tent (we couldn’t afford one) and sat on chairs and leaned on a table (what are those?). They had canned coke and ate pizza for lunch, and they averaged 15 porters per person! We on the other hand had a total of 8 porters (between the 3 of us) from the beginning, ate mostly rice, dalh (lentils) and chapati (local, round flat wanna-be bread). We ate on the floor of the cook, stoner and guides tent, have the same, ripped clothes that we’d been travelling with for over 19 months and I had just gotten over the same belly virus that got me at the beginning of the Everest trek. We were all in the worst shape of our lives, skinny and unhealthy, but we dove in there with the best of them, not sure of what we were getting ourselves into.

The first 2 days were (dare I say) easy, besides my tevas breaking, but Zahid (you don’t name your kid Zahid unless he’s some type of God) fixed them with two nails from our food crate. the third day was a mandatory rest day. We were all healthy and energetic and on the 6th day ended up at Concordia (4,600 meters) in great shape and already acclimatized.

This is taken straight from a flyer from one of the trekking agencies. – This is known as one of the most spectacular treks in the world. It cuts through the greatest concentration of some of the highest peaks in the world. 8 of the worlds 30 highest peaks are found here. Concordia, the apex of this trek, is one of the biggest Piedmont (don’t know what that is) glaciers of the world. There Godwin Austin, Abruzzi, and Baltero glaciers collide. From here, within a radius of 7 miles, there are 6 peaks over 7,900 meters (25,912 feet), including the mighty K-2! From Concordia, the 360 degree view offers a panorama of peaks found nowhere else on earth! Within a radius of 15 Kilometers, stand 41 peaks over 6,500 meters (one meter is 3.2 feet), including 4 peaks over 8,000 meters.

From Concordia, we all cruised up to Broad Peak (on the way to K-2) and K-2 base camps, checked out the memorial
to those who died climbing there, soaked up some of the most amazing scenery any of us had ever seen, and talked to some climbers getting ready to start, where we were finishing. All while K-2 was quietly chillin (literally) right beside us. We went back to camp and were supposed to have another mandatory day of rest the next day. Instead, Zahid (Weather God of the Karakorum) told us that in order to cross the Gondogoro La (La = Pass), 5,900 meters and the most difficult and dangerous part of the trek, we would have to leave the next morning at 4 am. All of those expensive trekking groups would end up turning back due to bad weather, without crossing the Gondogoro La the most extreme and Beautiful part of the trek, a big reason we (and almost everyone else) paid $600 for the trek in the first place.

That night I made a huge mistake that would torture me and inflict on me the worst pain I’ve ever dealt with, for three straight days and nights, starting the next day, I mocked K-2, supreme ruler of the realm of the Karakorum range and she would use but a fraction of her strength to humble me into submission! I didn’t say much about her, but I insulted her, I said “this trek has been easy so far”, if only I could take back my words!

We started off early and quickly the next morning and stopped for chai at Ali camp, where (everyone always stops for the night) the other two groups stopped for the night, but Zahid, Weather God of the Karakorum, new that time was short and we had to push on or face the wrath of the weather. The day before, my terrorist sunglasses broke in my pocket and stabbed me in the leg. Zahid had already glued one lens together, but this one was, perhaps, beyond his power, so I was forced to climb Gondogoro with out the protection of sunglasses (Getting snow blind). All part of K-2’s master plan! It was killer though, the hardest, most extreme trekking (actually mountaineering) I have ever done. Nothing around, but snow and huge chunks of ice! Ropes were in place and we started to climb the mountain single file, heads down and one foot in front of the other. It was cloudy all day, so when we finally reached the top, we weren’t able to witness all of “the greatest scenery on earth”, but what we saw was amazing still. Nazir celebrated by sparking up a big old spliff on the top, 5,960 meters above sea level!

The way down was a nightmare! Most people cross in the early morning hours (that’s why they stay a Ali camp), so that the snow is still frozen and you don’t sink in. We had no choice, bad weather was on the way, so we had to face it at 12 noon time. The anchors holding the ropes down were all pulled up (the snow was to soft), the hill was STEEP, 1,400 meters from the top of the pass to where the rope finally ended! We fell into the snow up to our waists the whole way down! It completely drained us all and it would have taken more hours than we had of sunlight to make it down the ropes and we still were a few hours from the next camp from there! We changed tactics and started sliding down the mountain on our butts, one hand on the rope (our life line) and full speed down the mountain, until you sunk in up to your waist. Sometimes one foot would get stuck (up to the knee) and the rest of your body would keep going, I almost broke my leg like that (it’s still messed up), so did the mighty Zahid!

After two grueling hours we made it down, soaked and freezing. We couldn’t feel our feet and we were wet from the waist down and were still a couple of hours from the next camp. The trail sucked from then on as well, constantly falling into the snow up to our waists, dead tired, soaked, frozen and injured, but I didn’t realize just how injured I was at that point. For K-2 had already taken her revenge on me, I just didn’t know yet.

We all received a hero’s welcome when we reached camp, hugs from everyone. Everyone there (mountain rescue team and porters) knew we had come at the worst time of day and that we had probably passed Ali camp and done about three stages in one day, the first trekking group to pull that one off (expeditions do it though). At dinner time my eyes started to water uncontrollably. I went outside because I thought it was the kerosene, but an hour later it was only getting worse. It turns out that the effects of snow blindness were only now kicking in! That was the beginning of the worst, most painful three days and two nights I’ve ever experienced. It really felt like broken glass in my eyes, non-stop! Opening my eyes was hell, closing them was equally painful and it never stopped for one second! Sleep was not possible like that and the headache and runny nose made the thin air almost unbreathable, all this was due to K-2. She may be the second highest peak on earth, but she is the #1 most insecure mountain and not at all comfortable with herself. Everest would have let a little comment like that slide, but then that’s Everest. K-2 the wicked, beautiful, majestic, malicious…