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“I just want to go home”

Friday, March 5th, 2010

“You are home” says Mooji.

” Your ‘home’ is just an idea of yourself.  At ‘home’, there are all of these people that tell you that you are like this and you are like that, and now you are away from them and you do not have anyone to tell you who you are. But  ‘YOU’ are home.  Remove the mental representation of yourself and come home, into consciousness of the whole.”

This was the first question I heard at Satasang with Mooji.  Well it wasn’t exactly a question, but more of a plea for comfort from this teddy bear Rastafarian spiritual teacher, Mooji.  During Satsang, gathering of truth, people can come forward in front of a spiritual teacher and asked questions to the wise one (as opposed to silently listening to someone speak , telling you only what they want you to know).  I listened to a girl not more than 10 years older than me let her tears pour out into the microphone in front of 50 or so like-minded strangers, as I gaze out beyond their scarved, dreaded, shaved, or messy haired heads at the sacred Arunachala mountain. 

It is mid January and I have spent two weeks between small beachside towns, Mamallaporum, and Auroville.  Along the way I picked up a long desired MoonStone ring, a purple scarf, and two fellow travelers:  Isa from London (formally named Lizzy, we determined she needed to adopt a new name since she just began a Round the World trip and starting fresh means also starting with a new name) and Rachel from Australia

After a few weeks of being hypnotized by the sounds of the Bengal sea, I could feel a pull inland.  The mountains were calling my name.  Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely adore the water, but I worship the mountains.  After spending 23 years of my life either in the mountains or in plain view of them, I go crazy without them.  I had been recommended by a friend at the Ashram in Bangalore to go to Mount Arunachalla in Thiruvanamalai, especially for the full moon.  To honor the full moon, every month thousands of barefoot devotees gather from all over to walk 16 km’s around the sacred Arunachala Mountain.  Considering my love for full moons and mountains, I followed the calling.  However, I soon learned that the calling was from a voice, the voice of Mooji. 

 Mooji, a Jamaican Native now living in London, has been sharing spiritual knowledge in the form of satsang (gathering of truth) for over 10 years.   Mooji beams with love and compassion, but “unsparing is his scrutiny and uncompromising stance, that the ‘I’ concept is inescapably exposed as a mental construction, when viewed from the formless awareness we are.” 

I met two sweet American musicians (also known as Loveful Heights) in Auroville who had a place in Thiruvanamalai with one of their boyfriend’s, Nataraj, who worked for Mooji.  Our first night in Tiro, Isa exclaimed to Nataraj, “It’s amazing how we just ended up here.  It isn’t anything like I planned.”  Nataraj replied, “That Is something that India teaches you.  No matter how much you plan, you always end up where you need to be.”  And I needed to be with Mooji.

I went to Satsang with Mooji every morning that I was in Tiro.  The following are some notes I took from his talks:

Question:  Mooji, I have experienced so much failure in my life and it never seems to escape me. From relationships, to jobs, to just plain bad luck.  How can I move from failure to success? 

Mooji: We define ourselves by our limitations of our mind and body.  We are defining ourselves by the doer, the mind.  Who is the person that is aware of the mind?  This is your true being which is untouched by our imagined [failed] self.  Once you realize and understand the true Self, you will not be attached to the limitations of your mind and body.

Question: I still have thoughts about my ex-husband and how he hurt me…

Mooji: [interrupts] You say he is your EX-husband.  Then he is your EX problem.  The problem is gone.  However, he is just like any other memory, which will come and go.  The feeling comes with the memory, but do not dwell in it.    

Fears hold us hostage, they are not real.  The fear is held in the mind for the person our mind thinks we are. 

When you are in the moment, there is no need for promises.  Promises are of the mind, they are of the future. 

What is that which witnessing the coming and going of emotions?  That which does not come and go.

 “I” is consciousness, it came before your given name which separates us. 

All that comes will also go.  Do not dwell in it.  Anger, sadness, stress… do not dwell in it.  It is like a puddle of muddy water in your path.  Why would you stand in it, and fill your shoes with mud and water, when you can step in, then out and keep moving on with only slightly wet shoes?

Human Being: A Human is a Human, and a Being is divine.  When we think we are only Human, we become hostage to our thoughts.

Love vs Attachment: Love is freedom, and Attachment is need.  We Need someone else when we are not one with ourselves.

Use the taste of vulnerability to find the one who is vulnerable. 

The Moon is like the mind, and the self is like the Sun.  The Moon does not shine a light by itself, but it appears to be that way because of the Sun.  Recognize the source of the mind.

What you are looking for, is where you are looking from.

We are perceiving what we are conceiving.

When we aren’t satisfied, we are restless.  A need to fix something, change something, buy something, do something. 

If you are depending on the mind, then Life isn’t magical.

You cannot do anything from your heart that is wrong for anybody.

Take me away from everything that takes me away from myself.  


P.S – if you are wondering, Isa and I did the Full Moon Walk on January 28th.  16 kms around Arunachala mountain, it took around 5 hours!

What you are looking for, is where you are looking from

Thursday, February 4th, 2010

Typical day at the ashram:

  • 6:00 morning yoga, meditation and pranayama (breath work)
  • 7:30-9:30 Breakfast and Kitchen Seva (selfless service)
  • 9:30-12:30 meditation and discussion12:30-14:30
  •  Lunch and Kitchen Seva14:45-18:30 meditation and discussion
  • 18:30-19:30 Dinner and Kitchen Seva
  • 19:30-21:30 Satsang and discussion with Guruji21:30-23:00 video of Guruji’s speeches

The Art of Living (founded by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar) is the world’s largest volunteer based, humanitarian and educational organization that reaches over 300 million people in over 140 countries.  The Art of Living develops community outreach projects all over the world (such as reforestation, building rural schools, disaster releif, health and conflict resolution.  The Art of Living also offers numerous courses which teach pranayama (breath techniques) and meditation which enable you to connect with your inner self and to discover the light of love and happiness that shines in all of us; that which is hidden underneath layers of the mind, intellect, and years of suffering.I did my first course in September 2009 in Boulder, Colorado and was blown away.  I reached a depth of meditation where I had my first glimpse of my true Self, the part which is hidden under layers of judgement, guilt, criticism, anger, fear, and the mind.  It is similar to the experience that many people so similarly describe as “near death experiences” ; bright light of energy, wholeness, a tremendous feeling of love, freedom, surrender and complete presence and contentment.  A door within all of us is waiting to be unlocked, and opened so that the light can flood through and into the universe.  Age, religious affiliation, or beliefs do not matter, just be open to it… be open to yourself. Know that something which is doubted is something that is always possible.

“prayer is asking, meditation is listening”- Guruji

To find courses in your area, you can visit The Art Of Living

“The Art of Living Course gives participants the practical knowledge and techniques to unlock their deepest potential and bring fullness to life. Whether happy and successful or feeling the stress of poor health, disappointments, or fear, every participant is cared for and comes away lighter, with effective techniques for releasing mental and physical stress and increasing his or her health, energy, peace, self-knowledge, awareness, and joy. “

-AOL Website

Talks with Guruji

(notes from discussions with Guruji during my course)

Life cannot be defined, otherwise you are limiting it.  We are pursuing happiness but the only way to succeed it is with awareness.

The heart wants the past, the mind wants the future, and the ego wants the obstacles.

When we find joy within, our outside reflects that joy

Basing your life on words is very superficial.

Silence is the goal of all answers. If an answer does not silence the mind, it is no answer

Only Silence is complete

Smiling with all the existence is Silence

Purpose of words is to create silence.

When you make service the sole purpose in life, it eliminates fear of others and gives you meaning

Love is not an emotion, it is your very existence.

When you love someone, you see nothing wrong with them, when you love someone, you want to see them always happy and you want them to have the best.

Love is the highest strength, yet it makes you absolutely weak

Love cannot tolerate distance, and hatred cannot tolerate nearness.

When there is Love, there is no ego

In the company of one who is living Love, you also can’t but spring into that Love.

Love is that phenomenon of dissolving, disappearing, merging, becoming one with.

Love is the phenomenon of total letting go.

The seers, the seen, and the process of seeing all merge. The knowledge, the knower, and the known, they all merge, become one & that is Divine Love

God is the Seer himself. Who sees—that is God

God is love. Being in love is sharing that love.

Knowledge is a burden if it does not set you free.

When you follow fun, misery follows you. When you follow Knowledge, fun follows you.

For one who has awakened in knowledge, there is no more suffering.

Do not say that you want to surrender. Just know that you already are surrendered.

A person who cannot surrender cannot be self reliant

The greatest power is in surrender, surrender to the Divine.

Meditation erases the impressions and improves the expression

Break through the barrier of the rational mind and find freedom for yourself

Freedom is your very nature. Only with freedom do joy, generosity and other human values blossom

Just an intention to be free makes you immediately free.

Discipline protects freedom. You can choose to focus either on freedom or discipline, and this makes you happy or unhappy.

Have respect for the Self and no one can take your self respect

Someone does not need to be great in order to be respected. Respecting life makes you great.

Ego is separateness, non-belongingness

The head level is safe for the ego. The heart level breaks the ego. The soul level dissolves the ego

Death brings you in touch with the reality of life.

Wake up an see your life is too short. The realization that life is short will bring dynamism to your life.

Breath is the link between your body and your spirit and your mind

Drop all the divisions of the mind. This is what is holding you back from enlightenment. This is what is holding you back from your very nature. Drop those right now.

Your own judgement brings the barrier and separates you.  When you are judging, you are judging your own self, but you are super-imposing it on this, or this, or this, or this, or this.

Abiding in the self you become the valentine for the whole world. Spirit is the valentine of matter and matter is the valentine of the spirit.

The world appears imperfect on the surface but underneath, all is perfect. Perfection hides; imperfection shows off.

Sincerity is being in touch with your Depth.

You are total. You are full. You have all that you need. Do not underestimate yourself.

Abundance is a state of mind within you. If you just look at “lack,” the lack increases in life.

Over-indulgence in anything reduces the beauty.

See a mistake as a mistake, not as “my” or “his” mistake. “My” means guilt; “his” means anger.

The Self is the center of the whole creation.

Truth cannot be understood through proof. Anything that can be proven can be disproven also. Truth is beyond proof or disproof.

Events cannot stick on to you. You are like the pure crystal. Niranjanah—untouched, unstained by anything.

You are Divine. You are part of me. I am part of you.

When heart speaks and heart listens, harmony is produced. It is always so. When head talks and head listens, argument is produced.