Off the Couch and On the Road

The following morning we flew to Saigon or Ho Chi Minh City. The city with two names. Like I need any more confusion about where I actually am at the moment. Anyway, the flight wasn’t too bad, and after we grabbed lunch (pasta and fries, no MSG for me!) we took a cyclo ride around the city.

Unfortunately, our local guide only wanted to point out the hotels where Brad Pitt has stayed. Yes, I think he’s hot too, but isn’t there an important statue or something around here somewhere?

Saigon is similar to Hanoi in that it’s quite modern, but the traffic is 30 bikes deep instead of 5, which makes crossing the road that much more interesting (the rule of thumb, stare down each bike as it’s about to hit you, walk slowly and don’t stop).

I crashed as soon as our tour was over and slept until morning, where another shit Vietnamese guide took us to the Cu Chi Tunnels built by the Viet Cong during the war. He took us through so fast it was like he was on Vietnamese speed, and a whole bunch of families started following us around which pissed us off because we paid for this guide, and let’s face it, annoying kids are bad enough when you aren’t on holidays. Oh, but we aren’t spoilt.

Near the exit, there is a shooting range where you can shoot an AK-47 into a field, with each tour guide getting a commission from each bullet. Because that’s just what you want to do after hearing about how many people died where we were standing isn’t it, just start shooting away.

“The only people that would do something that insane are the fucking Americans,” someone said, although I am not sure how accurate that was. But very insane, especially hearing gunshots while crawling through black tunnels underground.

That afternoon we visited the War Remnants Museum - which depicted the war and it’s Agent Orange victims generations later in photographs, letters and media coverage.

Some things are truly too horrible to describe, so I won’t even try, but we all came out quiet, slightly shaken and glad our stomachs were empty.

-Sarah

A discovery. My terrible heartburn (which I have never had in my life but has been plaguing me for days) and asthma has been caused by the MSG in all the food we have been eating. Or maybe I am just blaming the Vietnamese for getting sick. But totally plausible, yes?

In any case, in my final day in Hoi An I lazed by the pool, not having the will or energy to do much else. Everybody else went to the beach, I decided the beaches were better at home. I ended up eating lunch down the road from the hotel at a street stall owned by a little Vietnamese woman who used to live in Gymea. She reminised about life in the shire, which I found incrediby amusing, sitting on a plastic stool drinking soup in an alleyway in the middle of Vietnam. She agreed Cronulla was the better beach.

Ater another swim, the British kids came back red-raw (they just get so excited about that sun, don’t they) and we decided to head off to a Vietnamese cooking class in town run by a woman named Vi who pretty much owns half of Hoi An (a tailor owns the other half). It was really interesting to learn all about the spices and greens, and how each dish should contain a range of textures, flavours and colours.

Unfortunately I felt like shit, and obviously looked it, beacause the wait staff made me a lime tea to make me feel better and forced me to eat the lime pieces whole, which actually did make me feel better, and I kind of stumbled home, loaded myself up on drugs (vegetables can only go so far) and slept.

I actually missed out on eating the chargrilled fish in banana leaves that I made in class, but if anyone asks, let’s just say it was a culinary masterpiece, ok?

-Sarah

Because it was a late night (see: previous mention re buckets), it was a late morning, and I didn't head off to the beach to meet the others until after midday. On arrival, hundreds of tourists and locals were standing ... [Continue reading this entry]

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The Vietnamese love their horns. You honk when you pass someone, to say hi; when you overtake someone, to let them know you are behind them; when you pass a family of seven riding the same bike, perhaps to pay ... [Continue reading this entry]

The essentials used to be keys, keycard, phone and Asthma puffer. Now, they are mosquito repellant, passport, cash and Tiger Blam - which can officialy cure any affliction known to man.

I wake up bruised, sore, bitten, hungover and tired most ... [Continue reading this entry]