Tubing, Vang Vieng Style! - Laos
Vang Vieng, Laos is a small, small town of about thirty-thousand…..but has a big, big reputation for the best tubing experience, EVER!
Drunken debauchery is a side effect of tubing in Vang Vieng, it cannot be avoided, if you want the ‘true’ tubing experience. And here is the recipe: 1 part- tube, 1 part- river and 2 parts- Lao Lao Whiskey!
‘Tubing, Vang Vieng Style’: First you put on your swimsuit, load your pockets with ‘kip’ (Lao money)- lots of ‘kip’, because you will definitely be consuming, many, many, buckets of ‘fine’ Lao Lao Whiskey, various types of mixers, shots and of course BEERLAO. Once the suit is on and the pockets are loaded….you are ready! Keep in mind, whatever else you bring for a day of tubing could be lost in transit, while inebriated…..therefore it is not recommended to bring anything else ( common lost articles are; cameras and ATM cards).
A tube ‘mafia’ exist in the town, as a result the prices are all fixed, regardless of where you rent a tube. So, basically, you select a place, wait in line and when it is your turn, hand over $115,000 Kip (a portion is for the deposit for the tube- which you forfeit if you don’t return ’a’ tube, note i said ‘a’ tube, i will get back to this in a bit and the remaining is for renting the tube). Once you pay the required amount they write a number on your hand in permanent ink (I assume the number is to identify the body :), grab your tube, board the truck and off they drive you for about 3km to the tube launch on the ‘Nam Song’ river and of course……the first bar!
The first bar in a long line of bars that line the river is; “The Mojito Bar” and right next to the bar is a sign that says: “Drink For The Kids” (or something to that effect). All the profits made at the Mojito Bar go to the EEFA Project (here’s the website: http://www.eefaproject.com/mojito%20bar.htmlyou -you can’t let down the ‘lil’ ones, so drink those mojitos!!!). The “Mojito Bar” serves some of the best Mojitos I have had in my life…..seriously! They make the mojitos from organic mulberry’s (which they grow on their organic farm)….which takes about 3-5 minutes to handmake, but is worth every second of every minute of the wait! Once you slurp down a couple mojitos (and if a couple is not enough, they can provide ‘take away’ mojitos’- I know an excellent idea) you hop on your tube and let the river take you away………but not too far away, as the next bar is about two minutes down the river! I know so convenient!
The second bar on the stop does not have mojitos, but they do have ‘buckets’ (basically buckets filled with various types of Lao alcohol and a ‘wee’ bit of mixer, just to top it off) and what they lack in mojitos they more than make up for in activities…..they have volleyball AND a zipline…..oh yes, get people all liquored up and provide activities for them to participate in (as if trying to keep your head above water while floating down river isn’t enough of a challenge for drunk people- give them a zipline!). Oh yes, it is a must do…..many times over! This zipline has a rope on it, which allows you to swing back and forth until you are ready to drop! Oh and drop you do, sometimes in the shallow, shallow water onto the rocks or sometimes you miss the rocks altogether and just hit bottom. OUCH, right? I remember waiting in line for the zipline and while waiting an Irish guy starts talking about how many cuts, bruises and sprains he has acquired over the last few days from swinging off this particular zipline….he was so proud of his wounds, he showed us each and every one and his swollen hand and foot (did i mention…he was quite drunk and it was only the second bar!! :)! After consuming a couple of buckets, swinging off the zipline and socializing you set off to your next destination……bar three (so that is two mojitos and two buckets so far…but who’s counting :).
Bar three….about a minute down the river, so don’t float too far away. However, if you are having trouble controlling your tube (possible due to rapids or inebriation, more likely the latter), there are some fine Lao men who’s sole purpose is to make sure you don’t pass by. As a result, they hoist a line to you and pull you in (so kind, so kind). At this point in the tubing/bar run have you noticed a pattern, not much tubing, but a ton o’ drinking. Bar three is really a stopping place to get your ‘drink on’ and go off, yet another zipline. But this zipline is much different than the previous one! It doesn’t look like much when looking at it from below the platform, but it has some power! Basically you grab on, cruise down the line and BANG…..at the end is a ’stopper,’ which at that point catapults you into mid air, flips you over and drops you into the water…..oh good fun, good fun, even better after yet another ‘bucket,’ BEERLAO and a shot of Lao Lao Whiskey from a generous person handing out free shots! And at which point you hop on your tube and float down the river to bar four..(so that is two mojitos from bar one, two buckets from bar two, one shot, one bucket and one BEERLAO from bar three, but who’s counting :).
Bar four is actually a bit of a distance away….you actually get some ‘tube time’ in. The time down the river gives you an opportunity to ponder, ponder about what activity could possible top the last zipline that catapults you into mid air……really could there be a ‘topper’? Oh yes, indeed……how about mud! Slippery, Slippery mud filled pools! I have to say, this might be my favorite bar/activity yet! The entire place is covered in wet, wet mud…..It reminded me of a slip and slide, but with muddy water. You just start running, slide stomach first or feet first into the two pools of muddy, muddy water, it is fantastic! And when you are finished splashing, sliding and jumping into the pools of mud….they too have a zipline that drops you into the water to clean you right up….and then you are ready to get dirty again!
At this stage in the tubing experience….you should be pretty inebriated (you are probably well into the fifth hour of tubing/drinking- it usually goes from mid-day to about 8ish, well for me this was the time frame for the two days i tubed). There are several more bars and various other activities to keep you busy…..like a huge slide to go down! Which is probably positioned appropriately in the long line of activities, because I’m sure by the time you reach the slide (about the 6th bar???- cannot recall, my memory is a bit hazy or I could have been a bit intoxicated 
you are well past the stage of walking in a straight line and if you did attempt a zipline it would require some effort, where as a slide all you have to do is sit on the slide and away you go!
Finally, after all the tubing, drinking, socializing and activities have been completed and you find yourself with no tube, which happens more than you can imagine. Because when you disembark from the river to reach the bars, you just throw your tube on a mountain of other tubes and when you leave you just take any one- and between the last two bars you can just walk, which most people do (and at this point you forget to grab a tube from the mountian of tubes). You can ask one of the kind bar staff at one of the bars to pump you up a tube so you can receive your full deposit……assuming you are coherent enough at the time to remember, ‘tube equals deposit’!
This may not be a ‘cultural experience’ (sometimes you just have to have a day of fun :), but it is a must do on your travels through Laos. So, if you do go tubing “Vang Vieng Style,” have fun and be safe!
Tags: Laos
