Day 1: Saskatoon, the ugliest women I ever met.
We arrived in Saskatoon to find Geoff “Boon” Capes had been involved in a pharmaceutical trial of DuPont – transvestite lotion. The photos speak for themselves.
Before During After
Day 2: Ice Fishing
The Canadians on tour showed the aussie’s the how to ice fish, ie dig a hole put a line in and tool about while you wait for something to happen. One pike later we packed up the gear and headed back to Saskatoon.
The one and only pike
Left to right: Boon, Pope, Lola/Lindsay/Lolabell, Peanut Butter, Maddog, Mel, Scotty and Dan.
The fun and festivities were dampened by the Prince Albert RCMP. On the way back to Saskatoon, the driver who coincidently was the only non-drunk member pulled into Tim Horton’s for a coffee. After Scottie back-chatted what was later to be revealed to be a police drug dog, things deteriorated no thanks to Curtis (Peanut Butter) telling the, what was later to be revealed to be RCMP detective, to “simmer down”. Although we weren’t doing anything wrong, except for teasing a police dog, all the beers that we hadn’t hidden very well got confiscated, along with a perfectly good eski and we got fined $190 for drinking in a vehicle. In those sort of situations there’s only one thing to do, stop a the next liquor store a resume doing what it is that you were doing beforehand to prove that it was not dangerous or a menace to society, which was done to the cheers of all!
Day 3: Saskatoon to Calgary
Van members were dazzled by the scenic drive from Saskatoon, with our tour guide pointing out the vast deposits of glacial till on the right, and vast deposits of glacial till on the left. The highlight of the trip was driving through Hana, Alberta and throwing all of our nickels (5 cent coins) back at the town that produced Nickelback.
Footy at -25C.
Our offering to Hana, Alberta.
This also spawned the concept of running awards for the trip, of which there were 3 awards to be handed out at the end of the trip,
1. The Bon Scott – Most rockin’ roll
2. The Nickelback – Most lame
3. The David Clarence – Most beers consumed in a day
We also visited the T-Rex capital of Canada, … I think that the town really underestimated the talents of their fibreglassiers. The 15m high fibreglass T-Rex is certainly in the top 3 fibreglass replicas of animals, along with 9m croc at Normanton and the 10m prawn in Ballina.
After a 9 hour drive that should have taken 5, due to the number of piss-stops when 8 out of 9 members of the van are drinking beer all the way, we finally made it to Calgary.
Day 4: Calgary
If shopping is your thing, day 4 would have been your best day on the trip. Unfortunately for everyone, shopping was not rated in the top 10 things I’d like to do today list and apart from Dan and Scottie getting 2 parking fines, the day past without much event. Night-time was to bring out a more adventurous side of the team. Everyone was impressed by the mechanism for receiving tips at the Frenchmaid, just as the entertainers were impressed with our plans for the next 2 weeks. Unfortunately the collective charm was not great enough to entice one particularly friendly dancer to join the tour and we had to settle for an autographed photo and key-ring.
Dan made a strong start to the Bon Scott, by pissing off just before everyone left the bar and getting reasonably lost in Calgary with half an address and not nearly enough uniqueness to get the friendly, jaywalking ticket-writing-police, to help him out. A furious chase took place, with Scottie and Popie hailing the first rickshaw that passed, whipping the ? (whatever you call a dude who tows around a rickshaw) into action. Dan’s drive for food, was far greater than the desire of the poor old-mate driver to run around Calgary in the middle of winter, also with his cart loaded with 2 pissed idiots. Fortuitously, Dan pulled his shit together for long enough to get back, and to be greeted with a punch in the guts.
Day 5: Ski Sunshine
The first day on the slopes. Some rather amusing attempts by Popie to skip the introductory stages of snowboarding to the going fast down steep hills. In an act of intimidation, Popie showed the mountains that we meant business, repeatedly striking the slopes with head, heart and hip. As we would discover later, the mountains took our warning and lifted their game.
Day 6: More sunshine
Another glorious day on the mountains. Our intimidation continued with Mel stepping up and belting the mountains in unison with Popie in an awesome show of power. The day finished and we headed to Calgary to pick up No. 9 (real name Paola, but always known as No. 9), got some beers for the road and headed south to Lake Tahoe, California. It was to be a very long drive.