The Big Boss’ Bodyguards
The last nine months of travel have thoroughly introduced me to squat toilets; from my first experiences in the relatively sterile Japanese karate dojo to the stinkiest shit-holes high in the Himalayas. My earlier fears have long since past. I can now see the benefits of sanitation and the fact that everything just comes out easier. Still, as I draw deeper into the Indian subcontinent, I keep finding more and more standards to judge the worst toilets of the world. I can already feel his presence, the Big Boss is near!
On the very day I left for India, my old enemy and covert agent of the Big Boss, the stomach bug has paid me another visit. On the first day of bus travel I could feel my spider sense tingling, but they didn’t spring the ambush until I was onboard a thirty-six hour roach-infested train hurtling towards Mumbai. The bodyguards came in waves over the entire journey, consistently attempting the old ‘moving train’ technique.
The coach looks as if it hasn’t been cleaned in twenty years, although the plaque ironically boasts a 2005 construction. The stakes of bumping into excrement covered walls increased the danger! While the Chinese trains were a challenge, the bumpy Indian railroads are a lot less forgiving so I had to rely on my Kung Fu training to focus on balance. Thankfully, the squatting tiger method provides isolation from surface contact! After two days of battles with the bodyguards, I was able to walk a way unscathed and retaining my pride!
In addition to the waves of pawns the Big Boss is throwing in my direction, he has also employed a new technique of psychological warfare by jamming my sense of time. Within the first couple days of transport into India my alarm-clock has disappeared, watch has stopped working and most unfortunately my prized possession (which also contained a timepiece), the iPod containing all of my music and photos, has been showing a sad face every time I try to power it up. My friend Rich warned me about strange coincidences with a story about all of his zippers breaking at the same time, but now I’m witnessing the strange magic of India first hand.
Alas, I feel weakened by all of this constant battling. I can only hope that it is only due to the rigors of a three day transport into the heart of India. It didn’t take long to see all of the negatives that this country is infamous for, but at least there is no way to be disappointed now. I anxiously await a brighter, warmer and happier welcome to the country when I arrive in Mumbai.. .
Tags: - Transport & Travel, - Transport: Train, Asia, Battling the Big Boss, India, Toilet, Train
Adam Shane
Hey potty mouth, did you get my email? I need your info…OK.