Army Brat Blues
Here I sit, four months away from graduating college, speeding headlong toward yet another transition and some very difficult decisions. Why do I hesitate when you ask me where I’m from… let me list my geographic history. What I have to say may seem depressing, but hopefully some of you, those of you with similar histories, will find it reassuring to know you’re not alone:
0. San Angelo, Texas
1. Ayer, Massachusetts
2. Donzdorf, Germany
3. Bulls Run Pkwy, Bethesda (father’s military service had ended)
4. Missoula, Montana
5. (brief transition at Bulls Run in Bethesda)
6. La Plata, Maryland (elementary school #1)
7. Loveland, Colorado
8. Lakewood, Colorado (elementary school #2)
9. Bulls Run, Bethesda, Maryland (elemendary school #3)
10. *moved everything by UHaul across the country to Seattle, Washington, turned round the next day and returned to Bethesda
11. transition in Laytonsville, Maryland for several weeks
12. Gaithersburg, Maryland (neighborhood later part of Montgomery Village) (middle school)
13. Lone Oak Dr, Bethesda, Maryland
14. Mayfield Dr, Bethesda, Maryland (high school #1)
15. Hartley Pl, Gaithersburg, Maryland (high school #2)
16. Germantown, Maryland (returned to high school #1)
17. Clifton, Virginia
18. Fifth Ave, New York, New York
19. Washington Square East, New York, New York
20. Wellington, New Zealand
21. Apt #1, East Village, New York, New York
22. Bay Ridge, Brooklyn, New York
23. Apt #2, East Village, New York, New York
(23 is the number of times I have moved, not the number of locations I have lived/traveled).
So if you’re like my grandparents and think I am feeling sorry for myself when I complain of getting tired of saying goodbye… how can you blame me? Where is my home? Where do I belong? Why do I feel so much more comfortable traveling than sitting still? You do the math. I’m an ace at meeting people. Now if only I could learn how to keep the friends I make. But why bother? I will graduate and then I’ll move again, then it’ll only be more goodbyes.
Why do I go on and on about this? Because I’ve been reading about individuals inspired by expats and army brats. “Should I live that life? Should I pick up my children and move to some foreign place? Leave my life behind me?” they ask. Well, let me just remind you of one thing… Should your children leave theirs? Personally I believe one, maybe two moves in childhood can be healthy. It exercises curiosity and openness, it keeps you from taking for granted that feeling of belonging. But it’s still not as upsetting as a lifetime of being a nomad in a world of stationary people.
So what do I do when I graduate? I’m 99% sure I do not want to live in New York City longer than 2 years after I graduate. But that knowledge hurts. Any relationships I make now will likely have to end, so better stick it out alone right? Wrong, that’s a lonely way to live. That’s how I’ve been living. I want to live in foreign countries. I want to settle down. I recently discovered I have been craving real human connection for about 20 years. What should I do? Honestly, I have no idea.
Tags: Travel
Drea
I can totally relate. As an Air Force brat, I have moved more times than I am able to count. I also feel that same resistence to getting close to people. It hurts so much to say goodbye over and over again. Then there is the fact that I never feel as though I belong anywhere … where is home? It sure isn’t a place. I wish it were that easy. I think it helps to form relationships with other TCKs/nomads. Although they are hard to find. Anyway, just wanted to say, you are not along in how you feel. I think it will be a constant struggle for those of us that are ‘homeless’. That is why is it so important for us to back each other up.