Part of living the good life includes knowing how to eat ice cream the right way. So, to help all those that need help, and there’s a lot, I’ve decided to lay down a few simple guidelines to perfecting the art of eating ice cream.
First, if you’re outside of your house NEVER be caught eating ice cream out of anything but a cone! How people can eat ice cream out of a paper bowl and still look themselves in the mirror is beyond me. But once you’ve made it over that pesky habit of choosing bowl over cone, decide what flavors you want. Now, you have to understand that you’re usually going to get more than one scoop so you can mix and match any way you want. But since your 10,000 taste buds are a hard thing to control, pick the flavors you like, but if possible, try not to mix and match the dominant staples like chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, etc. It’s so tacky. If you like vanilla and strawberry, get a scoop of vanilla and raspberry or a scoop of chocolate chip and strawberry, but please try not to get both for you’ll run the risk of being in the papers the next day as the city’s laughing stock for 24 hours.
OK, now that you have you’re flavors selected in your mind, pick a spot to buy the actual ice cream. In America you won’t have too many choices outside of a drug store, but here in Spain (and Italy) you have numerous amounts. Price doesn’t make a difference really as they almost all taste the same. Price is determined more on the location of the vender. But as a rule of thumb, pick a vender outside on his own, or the next best option is to go to a vender in a shop that opens up to the street (so that you’re still outside as you order the ice cream). NEVER, and I repeat, NEVER order ice cream with a roof over your head, it’s so tacky! Ice cream is an outdoor delicacy, please respect it’s wishes of being ordered and eaten outside.
At this point you’re going to have to choose the size of the cone (or the amount of scoops). Now if you’re 15+, your stomach can handle at least 2 scoops. Kids under 15 are the only ones allowed to have less than 2 scoops. If you can’t stomach 2 scoops, then don’t bother ordering ice cream until you have more room in your stomach. As for more than 2 scoops, 3 is the max. You don’t want to run the risk of being laughed at as your towering 4 headed monster falls off the cone and onto your designer shoes.
Always make sure you watch how the vender scoops the ice cream out of the container and on to the cone. If he or she doesn’t turn the container around so that he or she scoops out the freshest ice cream for you, walk away with out saying a word; you deserve better. How some venders can do this without any shame is beyond me. Now that the vender has scooped the ice cream out of the container, watch closely how he or she scoops it onto the cone. Make sure his or her wrist is firm, but not too firm, you don’t want them to crack the cone. The reason you want a firm wrist is so that the ice cream sits down pretty well in the cone. As for the second scoop, again, make sure it is scooped onto the cone firmly enough to rest on the first scoop solidly, but again, not to firm to the point that the cone cracks or the bottom scoop becomes squashed. For a third scoop, repeat the last step.
Pay the money depending on the service; if it was great, say thank you. If it was ok, just smile. If it was terrible, leave the cone in the vender’s hand and leave without saying a word; better service is always around the corner. Oh, and always make sure you have a wrap around the cone to help you handle it. Those specially made ones work best, but if you have to use a napkin, then so be it. Make sure it’s made out of some sort of paper and always make sure you have this accessory.
Now comes the actual eating part. With your tongue, make your way around the bottom of the ice cream (the bottom scoop) and circumnavigate slowly. Do this until you have both control of the scoops (oh and don’t worry, you’ll know when) and the ice cream itself is smooth. Like a fine renaissance sculpture, make sure no part of the ice cream is rough or untouched; you want the scoops to eventually blend into one, round and smooth scoop. No one side of the cone shall have more ice cream hanging over it’s edge than the other. This is very important in the art of eating ice cream.
Eventually you’ll want to do this until you reach the actual cone itself. Oh, and how could I forget this very important part! But as you get half way down to the cone, start pushing the actual ice cream down the cone with your tongue. remember, be firm, but not too firm as you don’t want to crack the cone or push the ice cream off the edge. OK, now back to getting to the cone. Now that you’re at cone level, continue pushing the ice cream down the cone and make sure the ice cream and cone are now level. Also, make sure there’s no ice cream on the side of the cone itself; always clean up your mess.
The point of pushing the ice cream down the cone little by little is so that you have ice cream in the cone all the way down to the very last tip of the cone. You should never eat cone alone, always make sure you’re eating cone with ice cream. Ice cream alone is ok, but cone alone is not. Now as you’re chipping away (yes, only chip, do not take huge chunks out), chip around the cone so that no one side of the cone is higher or lower than the other side. Do this until you reach the very bottom. You can tell if you’re doing a good job if you’re at the bottom levels of the cone and there’s still ice cream left inside them.
Eventually you’ll reach the very southern tip of the cone, and by this point, you should have your hands clean and ice cream left in the scoop, and NONE on your clothes or on the floor. So, if you’ve made it to this point, good job, you deserve to finish the tip however you like, but to be safe, look around at how the locals around you finish the tip. You don’t want to look like an outsider.
Besides the actual preparation and eating, there are a few other things to take into account when eating ice cream. Like I wrote before, always eat ice cream outside. You could walk around with it, sit down with it, or just lean against a wall and enjoy the art to its fullest while people watching. But please, take your time and enjoy it. If you’re finishing a two-scooper in under 20 mins., you need a vacation. Times of day don’t really matter as some places in the world are warmer than others at different times. But as a rule of thumb, try not to eat it before 11am. As for time of year, well if you can’t guess that, you don’t deserve to be eating ice cream in the first place.
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