Happy Herring in Sexy Spandex…
Monday, February 20th, 2006My journey began last Wednesday afternoon, when I boarded the train in Charlottesville, Virginia – heading for Chicago. The train is called “The Cardinal”. Sadly it wasn’t dressed in pink. They did serve microwavable chicken wings though. Piece of advice – sticky wings on rocky train = messy meal. I should have stuck to the reheated hot dogs. Thursday morning saw the arrival in Chicago. Food courts in train stations & malls in the U.S have a wonderful habit of giving away free samples to entice customers. At the station in D.C there must have been 50 or so food outlets & a hungry traveller with diverse tastes could conceivably have had a little of everything for nothing. Or they could, as I did, be hooked by the first sample & look no further.
The people who sold Chinese food at Chicago had it down to a tee. Their cry of “yummy yummy!” (repeated every 30 seconds) had the punters rolling in. Never was a marketing cry more apt – my meal was, indeed, both yummy & yummy.
On my Thursday afternoon train to Galesburg, Illiniois, I was sat next to an evangelical christian fresh out of rehab. She grabbed me on my way out & exclaimed to the carriage that Jesus was master of the universe. I’d always thought it was He-man. Doh!
Friday’s travelling was relatively short. Only 8 hours in a van, with my girlfriend Jane & a DVD for company. “Angels in America” has Meryl Streep playing a hassidic rabbi, and Al Pacino doing that shouty performance he’s brought to pretty much every role since he portrayed Michael Corleone. It’s good though. Really top-notch.
Which brings me to the strange day-non-day-hey-where’s-sunday day. It all began swimmingly. My flight from Kansas City to Dallas was delayed. So I fell asleep in the departure lounge. I woke up & everybody was gone. Oh dear. Luckily, I stumbled on just before they could slam the door and show me up for the plonker I am. Then, Dallas. I sat down in the lounge next to a dude with spandex shorts and an afro. After 15 minutes of people coming over to shake his hand & have their picture taken with him, it dawned on me that maybe he was famous. The lady next to me informed me that he’s Richard Simmons – a well known exercise guru, America’s equivalent of Mr Motivator. Here’s a pic of Rich looking groovy….
I met Mr Motivator once a few years ago. I was even on TV with him. Rollerblading. I dont rollerblade so much these days. Perhaps I’ve lost my motivation!
So, the plane sat in Dallas for 3 hours, queueing to get “de-iced”. This meant that my comfortable 4 hour layover at Los Angeles was reduced to less than 10 minutes. Which meant I had to run my arse off. And damn did that hurt! I like running. Anything betwen 10 & 100 metres is just great. But ever since I came 290th out of 300 in the Camden cross-country in 1996 my stamina has been, frankly, a bit shit.
15 hours after nearly giving myself a coronary in L.A ( & leaving my jacket at the x-ray machine) I arrived in Hong Kong. I met my parents, but then found out that I couldn’t get on the plane to Vietnam with them because it would take my bags too long too be shifted. So I have to wait 6 hours till the next flight…
But its all good. I haven’t slept in the same bed for 2 consecutive nights since last Monday & Tuesday. I haven’t slept in a bed at all since Friday night. I haven’t slept, period, in He-Man knows how long. It’s Monday, but it feels like Saturday. That whole international dateline thing still has me as confused as a herring in a fruit salad.
But a happy herring nonetheless…adieu..
The Dude