Brian & Brooke vs. White Plains, NY

Brian vs. White Plains

So, from day one, my landlord’s been a bit crazy. I should have known when I first talked to him that something was a little off, but in my hurry to get a furnished apartment with a 3 month lease in NY I ignored what should have been the warning signs.

Chef “Billy” as we call him, informed me early on that he lived in the building, too. Keep in mind that this is a house-apartment, not some big apartment complex. In other words, this guy lives a little too close for comfort (especially considering what I’m about to tell you next).

I didn’t think too much of it at first, but Brooke definitely thought he came off strange on our first encounter. We just moved in and the cable guy arrived to hook up our internet. As he was doing so, Chef Billy came in and told us to slip him a couple bucks so we can get free cable TV. I guess he said this was normal around these parts, but we just couldn’t do it.

One day after work, I think I was taking the garbage out, I saw the landlord and his woman (mail order?) hanging out on their balcony. He asked me if I was from Brooklyn. His woman, apparently not understanding English very well, thought he was referring to his beer; I suspect he was referring to my wifebeater. Regardless, I wound up taking a fresh 6 pack of Brooklyn Brewery’s East India Ale home with me. At the time I thought he was just being a good guy; now I’m not so sure.

Not too long after, just a matter of days, Chef Billy gives me a call to see how I’m doing, only he decided to call me at 1 am… wasted. We were just getting home from the bars, walking to our door when the phone rang. I took one look at the caller ID and decided I probably shouldn’t pick this one up - it just couldn’t be anything good when your landlord is calling you in the wee hours of the night. A few moments later the phone is ringing again; It turns out he decided to leave me a message. It went a little like this, slurred speech and all:

“Hey Brian… Uhmm, I can see you’re not home right now, but I’m just calling to see what you want to do about the money I owe you. It’s in my pocket.”

Red Light, Red Light! “Uhmm, I can see you’re not home right now…”?! Are you serious? Let’s just say it was a bit awkward dealing with him face-to-face the following day.

Nothing too crazy has happened since, except for him adding me to his chain email list, but I’ll let that slide (there were only a total of 5 people on that list). I still can’t get past how Landlord would think that calling a tenant in the middle of the night, drunk, would seem like a good idea… It’s just too weird!

Brooke vs. White Plains

I’ve been sick for the past week with a sinus infection, so the fun-factor has been kept to a minimum. On Saturday, Brian and I went to a matinee showing of Pirates 3 because that is the only time that we can go and pay the same amount for a movie as we would at anytime back in Illinois. Ha, go figure.

There’s something about Pirates that gets me everytime. It’s nothing life-changing for sure, but it is extremely entertaining. That music! The music always gets stuck in my head and the only thing I can think about afterwards is adventuring! I would love to be a pirate, and not just for the free life they lead, but because I could totally sport the pirate look quite well - headbands, dreadlocks, earrings, and don’t even get me started about the boots!

I was especially intrigued with Kiera Knightly’s ensemble this time around. I swear if there is anything I get custom-made on our RTW, it will be that freakin’ hat, if not the entire outfit! Check it out.

Brooke vs. White Plains

White Plains reminds me a lot of Italy. No, its not because of the overwhelming amount of Italian restaurants or high end shops that bring back memories. It’s because of the guys and their inability to keep anything to themselves.

So far, I have been honked at, stared at, holla-ed at, and there was also someone who decided to yell out the window something about my ass. It never fails. EACH time I walk into town on my own, or even with Brian, there are multiple incidents. Bums, especially, love me. This one in particular wasn’t really paying attention and started off, “Hey, there pretty lady,” with a smile and a sing-songy tone when I was spotted. Just then, Brian passed in his line of vision, so he cut out to a deep and short, “Oh! Hey, dude.”

Of course that was hilarious, so we all three started laughing. “You didn’t see me there, did you man,” Brian added. I like how we can all kid around about that - us and the bum.

Another funny part is that Brian, too, has been yelled and honked at by girls. So, it is not just the guys that contribute to this behavior in this town.

Of all these incidents, I must say that BoomBox Guy takes the cake. I was walking to meet Brian in town and behind a bush on a street corner he emerged in all his glory - BoomBox Guy. His posture was loose, and yes, I think he was strutting. His clothes were baggy and falling off his behind, and there it was in wonderful 80s style… the boombox on the shoulder.

I was kind of taken aback at that moment. I mean, I’ve seen a good Fresh Prince or two, but never have I seen someone actually walking around town with a boombox on their shoulder. It was almost… surreal.

“Hurry, hurry, look away!” I had to tell myself as I walked past him. The key is to not make eye contact (or is it? I guess I look away all the time and still get hit on). BoomBox Guy stopped in his tracks, and he either had a speech impediment or hurt himself trying to think, but all he uttered was one strong, deep, “Uuuhhhh!”

How’s that for pickup lines?

Brooke vs. White Plains

Carvel, as we discovered, is a very popular ice cream store chain in the New York area. They don’t have Dairy Queen here, just Carvel. I’ve been to the website (www.carvel.com), saw the big sperm-whale dude, and thought it might be worth a shot… just might.

Brian and I drove to Scarsdale, and to start the adventure off right, it started raining. So, immediately, we had to walk a ways in the rain to get to the place. We walked in and it was like a kid’s dream. Pink and purple - and that was just on the wall. The ice cream was in little vats and displayed like gelato in all of its rainbow glory. It looked mighty tasty. Brian had to disagree. He was put off immediately by the lack of flavors for the Carvelanche. Reluctant, he stuck with the cookies and cream cone, while I opted for the cake mix.

Our total came to $7.00 for two cones, and guess what, they don’t take credit cards, which is all I carry. Brian had to dish out the cash (which again didn’t make him too happy). We made our way to the pink bench and stool area to enjoy our treat, but I gotta be honest, there just wasn’t much to enjoy. The ice cream was flavorless (basically)! I giggled at our misfortune, while Brian shook his head with each bite.

“Are you kidding me?” he said looking at the giant whale on the wall. The whale had a speech bubble next to him that read something like, “Is it just me, or is it delicious in here?” Brian immediately shot back, “Who did they pay for that genious line, seriously?”

Just then two young girls and their mother came in to the store. They were so extremely excited about the whale and the colorful ice cream. We knew then that they must advertise during morning cartoons, because we just can’t see people coming here for the delicious flavors. We were both satisfied with that assumption. Otherwise, it made no sense as to how this place could be so darn popular. Ahh, the world is at peace again.

And, of course, at the very moment, a grown man came in alone… without children, to get ice cream. And… yet another one after that! What is this strange curve ball that’s been thrown at our inner peace?! So, its not just the kids that keep this place going.

Sick of thinking about it, Brian chimed in, “This place sucks.”

“Well now we know, Brian.” I said. “We’ll never come here again.”