Lashings of Ladyboys and an Ode to a Clan of Cockeralls
The train journey was fine. The seats were a little smaller than last time, but they still turned into good beds so all was well. We sat with another English couple - she has just spent a year in Chiang Mai studying Thai, the lucky thing. Apparently she speaks it with a Yorkshire accent though. We arrived in Bangkok at about 6.am and The train journey from Chiang Mai to Bangkok was fine. The seats were a little smaller than last time, but they still turned into good beds so all was well. We sat with another English couple - she has just spent a year in Chiang Mai studying Thai, the lucky thing. Apparently she speaks it with a Yorkshire accent though. We got to watch a beautiful sunset, sleep through the night and arrived in Bangkok at about 6.am and found ourselves being rushed around by a guy with a trolley, who loaded our luggage onto it then charged us 80 baht at the other end of the station, cheeky bugger. We were then shuffled onto a tuk-tuk by a driver who spoke of 50 baht while our feet were still on the ground, then after he’d loaded our (admittedly significantly sized) luggage on and tied it up with rope and took off with us on board, turned around and shouted ‘300 baht’. I bit my tongue until we got to our guesthouse then had a wee bit of a chat with him about this. He got a little irate that I had the mortal cheek to argue over the price with him but eventually we met half way and off he flew, probably raining curses upon us and 3 of our future generations. Welcome back to Bangkok!
Gill had lost her little electric kettle somewhere along the way, so we had to go and fork out for coffee for the first time during this trip. It costs more to have a coffee than it does to have a meal around these parts. And then the service was rude. Just to get up their noses, I poured our milk into a saucer and gave it to the cat. After all, it had cost us a small fortune. They weren’t very amused, but tough toenails. The cat enjoyed it and I enjoyed my tiny moment of rebellion.
We settled into our cell - one window and a small fan mounted on the wall - shifted the beds to the other side of the room so the fan actually had some effect on the inhabitants rather than being useless and ornamental, and wandered back outside to take a tuk-tuk to Pahurat, the Indian district of Bangkok. My mission was to find some indian toothpaste to take back home. Turned out to be a mission all right! We walked up and down the street about 4 times before we finally found an Indian person. I bought a shirt off her, I was so glad to see her. And she was so glad to see us that she gave me some gorgeous blue bangles. About an hour later, I noticed my arm was turning blue. Ahh, India. I was looking part Shiva by the time I got to bed last night.
Finally, several corners past where it was reputed to be, we found the ‘Indian Emporium’. There was an Indian guy in a saree standing outside the door dancing. He was advertising goodness knows what and for a while we sat near the door and amused ourselves by watching the reactions of the public when they saw him. Actually, for an Indian, he wasn’t a very good dancer. I told him he needed to stick his hips out more if he wanted to look feminine - I wonder if he tried it. I took a quick wander along the Indian stalls outside the emporium and was pretty shocked at how dear it was. Having been to India, I know what the real prices are for a lot of the stuff and they’re charging an arm and a leg and another leg for what really should only cost a few fingers. But, yes Paul, I got some toothpaste.
On the way home our tuk-tuk broke down so we had to get out and walk. We cruised down Khao San road, which is a major backpackers area around here, and sat at a bar half way along for a Sprite. It’s quite an amusing road to watch. We saw a pirate go by with large plastic boobs and electric guitar sunglasses, a fair variety of westerners with sweat pouring off them as they walked in the midday sun and your usual run of Khao San ladyboys. Some of them are quite convincing, but a few of them need to take lessons on how to walk like a female.
Back to our sauna/cell for a snooze. Then we went back out and explored the other end of our road, which is tucked behind a Wat not too far from the river. Turns out it’s a dead end, but we got directed up some stairs, down some others, through a cafe and out onto the street by Khao San again! Seems we can’t avoid this place. So, what else to do but have some street food and go for another wander. Then back to bed, as it’s not only hot here but very humid as well. You can have a cold shower, but by the time you’ve got back to your room you’re hot again! However, on the bright side, Gill found her kettle, so this morning we were able to enjoy the luxury of 2 coffees - each! Heh heh. We sat under a frangipani tree savouring them and watching chipmunks play tightrope walker along the power lines.
We were actually up quite early for two reasons - one, because we went to bed so early, and two, because of the enthusiasm of at least 7 roosters on the other side of the Wat wall. I actually woke up (before dawn, damn them) having written a poem about them in my subconscious, irritated state. It goes like this:
Oh cockerals, how keen are thee
To outcrow those who whisper not
Methinks the contest prize should be
A hatchet sharp and boiling pot.
The things you think of in your sleep huh?
Anyway, well fortified by some good solid caffeine, we struck out for a jaunt along the river - which of course we had to find first. Having dived down an alleyway and walked along a road for a bit, we came across a tuk-tuk driver who said we had at least an hour’s walk yet to get there. Fortunately, we turned down his offerings of a 1000 baht fling around Bangkok in his little vehicle and turned the next corner to find ourselves looking at the river. Grrr.
Note: I saw a taxi go by this morning with an ‘I (heart) Farangs’ sticker on the window (I love foreigners). I felt like stopping and writing ‘bahts’ next to the Farang bit. Bangkok does this to me - I get really cynical around these people. They just don’t get that a little pleasantness goes a long way, no matter who you are nor how rich or poor. And telling porky pies does not help us (farangs) build any trust with them.
Anyhow, after a walk along the riverfront and running the gauntlet of ‘only 1000 baht’ river boat rides, we got ourselves a 120 baht all day pass and spent the day hopping on and off the taxi boats and having a lovely old time. We got off God only knows where and had the best bowl of noodle soup we’ve had in Thailand, then we went and saw the Reclining Buddha, who is a heck of a lot bigger than I thought he would be (he’s 50 foot high or something ridiculous, and that’s lying down!) and the surrounding compound which is so ornate it reminded me of a whole bunch of birthday cakes, wandered around Chinatown, which teems with red and gold stuff and plastic things and back on the boat to go as far as we could go and back again. Good fun and it was a lot cooler that being in our sauna/cell or spending the day avoiding dodgy tuk-tuk drivers.
So, we’re back home at the guesthouse and I’m off to find the hip flask of whiskey I stashed in my luggage somewhere in Chiang May and watch the goldfish out in the garden that are hopefully scoffing the man-eating mosquitoes.
Sawasdee Kha
Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, champagne in one hand strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO HOO - WHAT A RIDE!”
Tags: Bangkok, Thailand, Trains, Travel
