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Thailand - So Far So Crazy

Friday, April 10th, 2009

Day 1. Okay, after a very long flight, several wines (maybe one too many, but I only did that to help me sleep - honest!), and approximately 4 hours after we lost all feeling in our backsides, we got to Bangkok. Cripes that’s a big airport! We really wanted to pinch one of the golf-carts the staff drive around in there, but being deported immediately would not have fitted in with our plans, so we walked and used the Jetsons-style moving footpaths instead.

It took aaaaages to get to our hotel. Every traffic light here seems to stay red for about 10 minutes. When we got to the hotel - feeling absolutely knackered, the receptionist proved my theory on the snootiness of the night reception staff being in direct proportion with the poshness of the hotel. And this one had a huge lobby lined in black marble and several floors of balconies above us. When you’re feeling that tired and it’s 5 o’clock in the morning at your place in NZ, it’s amazing how uncivilised you can suddenly feel. I began to have visions of leaping across the counter and slapping her face by the time she gave us our room cards. We tried to find out what floor room 2327 was on, but by the time she repeated it a third time and we still didn’t understand, we removed ourselves (before she slapped us) and bluffed it until we made it. (Yes, it was on the 23rd floor. But hey, we’re 2 blondes and that doesn’t make life easy you know.)

We dropped our bags and braved the lift again to sit at the pool and break open our duty-free grog (again, purely as a soporative…). The palms by the pool were pretty cool - lights wrapped around the trunks, all the way up.

We got to sleep finally, then at 4.30am we got up and had a coffee, because of course it was 9.30 am in NZ. The usual time/body clock adjustment thing kicking in.

Day 2. Off to the train station to book our tickets to Chiang Mai (up north). It’s Song Kran in a few days here - the Thai New Year. Otherwise known as the water-soaking festival. Our tuk-tuk driver was a really nice guy, but we had to do the obligatory stop at his brother’s uncle’s daughter’s cousin’s shop, which turned out to be a frighteningly expensive jewellery manufacturer’s and shop. We were taken out into the manufacturing part, which was quite interesting. We then went through the showroom, where we were shadowed to within an inch of our lives by the staff. Usual story - white equals rich. Trying to explain to them this is not the case with us - no go. Resistance is futile. Never mind, it was all glittery and shiny and it’s nice to see what the rich people wear. And we did get a free lemonade out of it.

We also went to (insert relatives names here) food place, where we dined at a decadent rate - and that’s having chosen about the cheapest meals on the menu. Gill asked about one of their fresh shrimps, which they were selling at 300 baht per 100 grams. This one weighted 200 grams. That was a $30.00NZ shrimp! Granted it was a big one (at first I took it for a peeled crayfish) but we managed to beat things down to a $15.00 meal and took vows at the same time that from here on out we will eat street food.

When the tuk-tuk’s stop at the traffic lights they turn their ignition off to wait for the lights to turn green. On the way to the food place, this guy halted on top of a railway line and stopped his motor. Gill and I looked at each other. ‘Okay, this must be a disused railway line.’ we said to each other. We then started joking about if a train came she would push me out of the tuk tuk then jump out and land on top of me, as it would be a fairly soft landing for her. After a few minutes, Gill pointed to a light approaching some distance down the track. Their really was a train coming! And we were sitting in a stationery, turned off tuk tuk right smack in the middle of the lines. But did we panic? No we did not. We started laughing. And laughing. Then we laughed so hard that tears rolled down our faces. I managed to gasp to the driver ‘you can move now’ and thankfully he started his motor and shifted so our tail was inches from where the train would pass. Then the traffic was piling up behind us honking madly because they were on the lines, the crossing bells were going off and a traffic police guy was trying to pull a barrier across the road, not very successfully.  I think our driver thought we were totally mad, laughing like we did. But it was such a mad, typical Asian scenario that we just couldn’t help ourselves. It was well worth the entertainment, and thank God we didn’t die before having our first fantastic Thai meal.

On to Khao San road - the main backpackers ‘cool place to be’, where there was a band making a racket and stalls all over the road, etc. We walked past the sign ‘fucking good beer’ on the side of a trolley that I had taken a photo of in 2005. Good to see some things stay the same. Wandered round looking accommodation to come back to when we return from up North, then finally took a tuk tuk back to Pratunam, to our hotel. The driver (different guy this time) drove faster than a speeding bullet - he was pretty unhappy because I had bartered the price down so much, then on the way he found out that we were staying at a highly expensive hotel. I’m sure when he turned into our hotel driveway, which is curved, he was trying to throw us out of the tuk tuk by utilizing it like a slingshot. However, we disappointed him by hanging on. But when we got out and walked into the lobby, we felt really alive!!! What a great first day in Thailand! We felt like we’d just lived through a real-life Jackie Chan movie. So out came the duty free grog once more - this time not for the purposes of sleeping, but to celebrate triumphantly the fact we were still alive. Take that, Bangkok! You can’t kill weeds you know.

Okay, day 3 now and we’re passing the time waiting for our train to Chiang Mai. We go well prepared - we are both equipped with water guns and plastic bags for cameras, ready for the inevitable soaking of everyone within range that apparently goes on for 3-5 days up there.

That’s us. Over and out for now.
Sawadee Kha

Thailand - You’re About to Have a Problem…

Saturday, April 4th, 2009

Well, due to having airpoints to use up before their expiry date and at extremely short notice (I’ve know about this myself for less than a week), I’m about to leave New Zealand and bother the country of Thailand for a month. I’m going with my daughter’s grandmother (my ex-mother-in-law), henceforth referred to as Gill or my Mother-Out-Law - (we get on so well we’ve just reverted to calling ourselves outlaws instead of inlaws). She’s a wonderful, well-travelled and intrepid woman with a great sense of humour, so I’m looking forward to having her company on this trip.

Now, this is a weird concept for me. Boils down to it - it’s not India. And apart from whizzing through Bangkok on the way in and out of India over the last four years, I really don’t know a thing about travelling in Thailand (or any other country to be honest), except to never make jokes about their king. I’ve spent the last four years sharpening my Hindi and, dammit, now I have to go and learn Thai instead. I know how to say ‘thank you’ in Thai, and that’s about it. Mind you, I guess that’s a pretty good start. Never hurts to be polite, ay what?

We’re landing in Bangkok, staying two nights, then we’ll head to Chiang Mai (up North - AWAY from beaches and hopefully other tourists) and make things up as we go along from there. The other part of the challenge being, you could fit my budget for this trip onto the outside of half a pingpong ball and still have room to spare, but that’s not so unusual either. That’s where I gain the right to use the word ‘Intrepid’ for my journey. Perhaps when I get back I can put a book together about ‘Cooking Leeches and Other Jungle Food’, or ‘How to Get That Domestic Pig to Share It’s Verandah With You’ or ‘Juggling Lychees for Extra Baht’. What on earth do the rich people do to make life interesting, I wonder?

So it’s a mad panic from this end, due to my idiocy in trying to complete a Linguistics degree before I reach retirement (gerunds, plosives or metamorphonics anyone?) so I’ve been up to my eyeballs in English grammar (if anyone mentions present infinite passive participles, or comparative and superlative suppletive forms in the next few days I shall probably hit them). But this is reasonably typical for me before leaving NZ each time, so I shall just keep taking the Rescue Remedy (is it actually okay to swallow it by the gallon?), get my assignments in and, naturally, pack about five minutes before I actually leave. It’s all good though, today I took care of buying vegemite and coffee/sugar/milk in tubes, so as far as I’m concerned, I’m half packed already. (Yes Dad, I have travel insurance. Love you for wondering.)