Here's my second installment of "Potty Humor". Bringing you up-to-date information about toilets in countries around the world.

In India, the squat toilet reigns supreme. I don't ever remember seeing a squattie (as I like to call 'em) in Egypt. It's quite rare to see a western throne-type toilet here in India. Even more rare still to see toilet paper in the toilet.

Here are the kinds of toilets you might encounter here:

1) Most common type is the simple porcelain squattie with a little spigot on the right side of the toilet or in the middle. I have never really figured out if one should face the door or the wall with squatties here. But I digress. Under the spigot is a plastic bucket and a little plastic scoop. The bucket is usually half full and one is supposed to use the scooper to splash the water around to get clean with your hand. Inevitably, one runs out of toilet paper ends up using the local method. I have been in a town where absolutely no toilet paper could be found in a reasonably large area.

Toilet paper in India tends to be expensive ($1 for a 3 day supply) and feels like lens cleaning paper. About half of the roll is taken up with a thick cardboard roll. I guess I should just be happy I don't have to resort to newspaper or notebook paper. Usually you only have a choice of two types of toilet paper, described by merchants as "big" and "small". As in, "Would you like big or small?" Big will last 3 days, and small lasts a day and a half. I should say that I also use toilet paper to blow my nose and sometimes for napkins.

Squattie flushers are in very interesting places. Sometimes there is a button to press, sometimes the toilet appears not to have an automatic flush and sometimes you'll see a knob to turn.

2) Western toilet with water coming out of the back of the toilet. Seen in fancier restaurants and better hotels. Just like in Egypt, except the water mostly just dribbles out. In public places, very often the seat has been lifted or is not present. No doubt to accomodate those who prefer to squat, though that requires a bit of athletics.

3) Western toilet with hose. Seen very, very rarely. In two months of travel I have seen only two of these. One at a five-star hotel, the other I can't remember.

4) Open air squattie. As the name, implies, your backside is open to the wind. Seen at train stations, bus stations and the "Pay and Use" toilets. Short digression to explain the "Pay & Use Toilets". In India, you have lots of public toilets. You hand over 1-5 rupees to a usually grubby, unhappy looking person manning the cash box and use the toilet or a shower. Unfairly, urinals are free in these places. A lady always has to use the "toilet".

5) Open air trough. I have seen these in women's bathrooms. I am not sure if anyone actually uses them. A woman would need to be quite athletic to use the trough, I'd imagine. These will only be seens in very grotty Pay&Use places, bus stations or train stations. I think the trough might be the women's urinal.

One last tidbit about India, is that I now agree that squatties are cleaner toilets. Although the worst toilet I have EVER seen in the world is in India, overall squatties are cleaner than western toilets elsewhere in the world. Squatties are very easy to clean and seemed to be cleaned often.