We spent three days trapped at a campground on Mo'orea as the only ATM around was "hors service" and everything was insanely expensive. You practically need a stock portfolio just to buy an ice cream in Tahiti. An hour on the internet cost NZ $24 ($6 in the Cook Islands), motorbike hire was $100 per 8 hours (versus $25 for 24 hours) and laundry was a jaw-dropping $32. The rich and unfriendly French tourists don't seem to bat an eyelid paying the extortionate prices, but luckily, my instant noodles and tins of beans kept us fed. Our room was tiny, with paper thin walls through which we could heard the drunk couple next door arguing. The only redeeming feature about the place was the view of the lagoon, but even this paled in comparison with the Cook Islands and Fiji. Apparently, the diving and snorkelling were great, but I could do neither with my damaged ear. The small beach was full of flabby middle-aged Frenchmen in speedos. Non merci!

There were lots of hens and their chicks running around, and load of cats and dogs. The cockerels crowed all hours of the day and night, and the dogs seemed to organise barking competitions every night. There were lots of mosquitoes and I got bitten despite slathering on the DEET. One afternoon as I was reading (one free thing to do), a gecko strolled up my arm and sat on my neck. I could feel his little padded fingers and toes, and kind of hoped he would stay on my shoulder like Long John Silver's parrot, to devour biting insects.

Mark ate an evil-looking purple sausage on the first day because it was the cheapest thing in the shop, but he ended up with a nasty bout of food poisoning that lasted a couple of days. What with that, our sleep deprivation from the night on the airport benches and the lack of money, it began to feel like a prison in our hot, cramped, insect-ridden room. I brought my flight forward so that I could pay Mark back at LAX and of course leave the hell hole of Tahiti since I wouldn't survive without money. If it hadn't been for Mark, I would have been stuck at the airport for days waiting for a flight and wouldn't have been able to go anywhere. As it was, we ended up spending hardly any money, which was one good thing.