“Beware the curse of the fish monger as he will strike three times before he is atoned”

I don’t know what I did to provoke the fish monger. Maybe it stemmed from the huge and fragrant bouquet I was carrying. The fragrance probably offended his sense of stench. But there is little doubt that flowers are his kryptonite, as I was able to repel further assault with jabbing the bouquet at him. With his final grunts he placed the above curse upon me that made me wish I would have taken my fish beating like a man.
Nile Belly One: Accepted a free and “fresh” coffee from the train waiter after angering him by not accepting a previously ordered breakfast at 4:30am (it was ridiculously early to wake us for breakfast).
Nile Belly Two: Accepted free and “fresh” tea from felucca crew after heavily tipping the jar with them the night before. Passengers drink bottled water, the crew drink right out of the Nile… morning crew coffee… I assumed incorrectly that it would be bottled.
Nile Belly Three: Accepted free and “fresh” sheesha pipe (water pipe) with bus station master. Then took a six hour desert night bus across to the Red Sea on a non A/C bus.
All three of these will provide you with plenty of time to SIT and think. What I have deduced is that nothing is free in Egypt… you will pay for it one way or another!

The Nile and Luxor

The Nile is a sudden blue and green ribbon that runs the length of Egypt. Without it Egypt would be a sand and rock wasteland similar to its neighours to the east and west. We decided to take a three day felucca trip down the Nile from Aswan to Kom Ombo, as I’m sure most people know that is about 50km. I knew this would be an adventure but once I had met our captain, Gilligan, I added “mis” to the word adventure. In total we struck three docked cruise ships, one massive concreter bridge (which Gilligan hates… I wonder why), got beached in reeds twice and got our sail caught in some palm trees (they grow on the shore) all in just two days. There was never any true danger and we (us, two Yanks, one Dane, one Brit and six Germans) laughed through the ordeals. The first night we were struck by a sand storm not of the biblical kind more of the “you will live in sand for three days” kind. It created a supernatural orange atmosphere sort of like if you watched TV through an orange filter. We slept under the orange washed stars and watched an orange sliver of a moon rise. It is hard to say that the rest of the trip was uneventful as the whole thing was an event: sailing down the Nile, eating camel stew, being welcomed by villages along the way, watching people live as they have for thousands of years, children paddling palm canoes, sleeping under the stars, enjoying other travelers company - it was magnificent. We did not swim in the Nile as it contains a worm that burrows beneath the skin and could eventually kill you by eating your insides, but we envied the locals and a few of the Westerns that did. The Nile looks clear and clean, you can see to a depth of 20 feet. The temperature in the sun would have been in the mid to high 50’s. When I tried to get a reading on a thermometer it boiled and exploded. It did not seem too bad under the shade of our awning and with the constant breeze. I will say that it was nice to get to our hotel in Luxor and shower off three days of grime though. One footnote: if I ever hear Bob Marley “Buffalo Soldier” or “Get Up Stand Up”, I will go POSTAL! The felucca crew had one tape with those two songs on it and it played the entire trip…night and day. When the batteries ran out after the first three hours I though we were saved. Then they brought out a box that contained dozens of packages of AA’s. If you can afford all those batteries why not additional artists, I asked. The answer was it’s Bob or no one.

The temples of Luxor, Karnak, Hetshepsut Temple and the Valleys of the Kings and Queens: My words are too puny and elementary to describe these sites. Just think of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom or Lord of the Rings. Either of these movies could have been shot at these sites and Indiana Jones actually was. Luxor and Karnak are cult temples on the east bank of the Nile and are joined by a 2km ancient road that is lined with thousands of Sphinxs, though this road is somewhat spotty now. Karnak has this great hall that contains 134 columns 20 metres in circumference and 25 metres high. It is awesome and we wandered around looking at the marvelous carvings that cover each square inch of them; some still have their original paint. Luxor has two massive sitting Ramses II statues at its entrance: he ruled Egypt for 65 years so there are not too many places that you don’t see this dude.

Hetshepsut Temple is for the only female pharaoh, though she portrays herself as a male in most instances. This was the site of the 1997 tourist massacre and as with the rest of Southern Egypt, security is very tight. Road blocks, checks and watchful (and sometimes sleeping) armed guards are everywhere. It is the undercover ones that give you a start as you just don’t expect normally dressed people to be carrying Uzis. I try to be nice to everyone that has a machine gun, especially after our little incident in Venezuela. Hetshepsut Temple has three huge tiers that look like three football fields with a ramp graduating up to the top tier. This was also the site of my highest offer for Brandy: 250 camels, 5000 goats, 1,000,000 rabbits and 2 chickens. I receive some sort of offer almost every day but this one got my attention… if only he had some more chickens. Another funny anecdote was that we had walked up the blistering hot valley then you have to walk up this long ramp to the three levels of this amazing temple. We had just finished touring the temple and were at the bottom of the ramp when the Yank asked us “what is up there and is it worth walking up the ramp”. Some people.

The Valley of the Kings was to be a highlight for me as I was a King Tutankhamun fan as a kid. Unfortunately the mummy of Tut is on tour of the US right now but in the world of Brandy “once you have seen one mummy you have seen them all. While there are some 62 tombs in this little box canyon and all but Tut’s had been robbed in ancient times it really was not that spectacular, just a bunch of dug out door ways. What lay behind those doors and the long tunnels was incredible. The paintings that adorned every inch of the actual tombs were in some cases as if it was painted the day before we got there. They told vivid and striking stories of these rulers’ lives. Valley of the Queens was similar but with many more tombs as these Kings had many wives. If I thought it was hot in Egypt before we got into these Valleys I was sadly mistaken. I could not even guess what the temperature was but it was too hot to walk on the blacktop, even with shoes on.

After all this culture and heat it was time to get some relief from both so off to the Red Sea we go. We took a brutal (never smoke sweet tobacco through a water pipe for half an hour before getting on a bus) night bus to Hurghada, the Cancun of Africa. Our bus arrived at 2am so we slept for a few hours on a bench in the open air bus station before catching a cab to the ferry terminal to get the boat to the Sinai Peninsula. Actually Brandy slept as I watched the cat-sized rats with squeamish horror. Why am I so cheap and not spring the $6 for a hotel room for the four hours?

While the much talked about “Hassle” factor of Egypt is here in spades, touts, baksheesh (tips), heat and senseless rules & regulations but it is the remaining ancient wonder of the world. What made this click in for me was the graffiti carved into some of the ruins: Cliff Thompson-1865, Baron Von Rothschild-1792… this place is a wonder and has been for a very long time.

Photos:
Nile Felucca
Passengers pushing felucca off cruise boats
Felucca stuck in palm tree
Felucca group shot
Banks of the Nile
At Karnak Temple
Road of Sphinx at Luxor Temple
Gates of Luxor Temple
In the Valley of the Kings
Hatshepsut Temple

You will love this FFP. Can you believe that they are still coming up with uses for Jiffy Pop Popcorn containers? Enjoy.
FFP 6