It seems it's all about the countdowns these days. How many days left at work (19), how many days until I move out of my apartment (21), how many days until I leave (33). I bought sour cream the other day and noticed its expiration date is September 13--I was surprised, yet pleased, to realize that I'll be on the road before it goes bad.

This period of preparation is exhausting--mentally, physically, and emotionally. I can't wait for it to be over, mainly so I can escape from all the tasks, all the goodbyes yet to be completed. It's so taxing to be excited to begin my journey and sad to leave at the same time.

The "establishment" sure makes it difficult, too. I feel blank stares on the other end of the phone line or across the desk when I try to explain that I'll be out of the country until next summer, and that I don't know where I'll be when, and I won't have a California address anymore, etc. etc. I suspect in places like Australia, where it's more common to do something like this, people are much better equipped to handle it. Here, I just don't fit into the little checkboxes on their forms, and they don't know what to do with me. I like being outside the status quo in theory, but when I'm trying to open a bank account, it's not very useful!

After years of being convinced that I didn't like the Bay Area and being certain I wasn't here for good, I'm very aware that I do like it here, and that I really feel a sense of "home" here. It's a little surprising, and not a little ironic, that it takes getting ready to leave a place/people to make me really appreciate it/them! Not that different from what happens once I make an appointment for a haircut, I suppose--after hating my hair for weeks, it seems that in those few days until I go to the salon, my hair looks better than it has in months.

I used to imagine this would be something I'd do again--I'd comforted myself with the thought that this won't be my only chance to travel around the world on this kind of scale. Right now I'm not so sure that's what I'd want, though. If I come back and completely re-enter my "real" life, the thought of doing all this again, all this preparation, all this extracting myself, is daunting, to say the least. I don't know if it can be done. In some ways the idea of not having to do it all again is more comforting! Of course, I trust that being out on the road will make it feel worthwhile, at least just this once, if not again.

I do like the idea of doing something really remarkable at the end of every decade, though. This is a great way to leave my 20s behind. I wonder what I'll come up with to say goodbye to my 30s, 40s, and beyond.